Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Have a home HIV test in my hand - too scared to do it

88 replies

KitkatTrack · 05/05/2025 16:32

Name changed. Don't want to go into background just now but appears I have caught an STI from my ex (awaiting GP results confirmation), since then all I can think about it that he has also given me HIV. I brought a home testing kit from Terence Higgins Trust and I have it here and am terrified to do it. Results in 15 mins. I have no one in real life that I feel I can talk to about this. I've had it for a few days and was going to wait until DS(11) goes to school tomorrow. I understand the Terence Higgins Trust also has a helpline open then so you can do it with someone on the phone if they have someone available. But I have a burning desire to also do it now. I really need to know. I have planned for both eventualities, what I would do if pos or not positive, and who I would need to speak to etc etc. Its just the testing bit

Anyone done it home alone? Any advice?

OP posts:

Maraudingmarauders · 05/05/2025 16:34

Just some solidarity- you can do this. What helps me is knowing that the answer is already there, just a case of knowing or not knowing. At least when you know you can act. The not knowing is actually the worst bit.
A long distance hand hold for you.

IndigoBluey · 05/05/2025 16:35

Fingers crossed for you OP

UncertainPerson · 05/05/2025 16:38

Hand hold whatever you decide to do. I’d imagine a positive test is an unlikely outcome, no?

SapporoBaby · 05/05/2025 16:40

Remember OP, it’s no longer a death sentence. You can live a normal life with treatment if you are positive. Fingers crossed

Twinstudy · 05/05/2025 16:42

Hand hold here op when you feel ready to do it. HIV really isn't what it was and drugs can make it totally undetectable. It's better to know than not to but it's not the death sentence it once seemed like. All the best

IsThisLifeNow · 05/05/2025 16:43

Fingers crossed for you. HIV is very rare, I say that as someone who works a few days a month in a sexual health clinic, the chances of him giving it to you is tiny, but I know how worried you must be. Take the test and end your worry. Putting the rest off won't change the result of the test, but just prolong the worry about it

Original poster

KitkatTrack · 05/05/2025 16:43

I just can't quite imagine what I will do if it reads positive, I've read loads of practical stuff about living with it to try and lessen any blow, and found support places. I am kind of scared about how I am this evening if I do it. I can let DS stay longer gaming and have dinner in front of TV to keep his focus off me a bit. But I can't imagine I would sleep tonight. I'm not working tomorrow which is good but I have a couple of appointments I need to go to

I'm so scared as taking it could potentially change my life forever from this point forward, though of course if its there its already there, i just don't know yet and this would be my last bit of time not knowing. Not sure I'm even making sense now.

OP posts:

Original poster

KitkatTrack · 05/05/2025 16:47

I've just opened it and they have sent me the bloody blood prick test, not the saliva swab. Its one where you have to get blood into the little tube. Last time I did this for some testing or other I felt I was going to pass out as I have low BP. I'm so annoyed, was gearing myself up to do it

OP posts:

ARichtGoodDram · 05/05/2025 16:47

Given your fears (which are totally understandable) have you considered going to a sexual health clinic for testing rather than home testing?

It's a really different prospect now to what it was in the 80s and 90s when all the terrifying tv adverts were on.

Medications are good and give people an excellent quality of life for a very long time. It's not a death sentence like it used to be.

Neurodiversitydoctor · 05/05/2025 16:48

OP it will change your life in as much as you will take a pill each day. Blood tests maybe every 6 months, normal life expectancy. Not as much as diabetes or high blood pressure would which re both really common.

Twinstudy · 05/05/2025 16:49

It's 100% normal to be worried and to be scared to take the test. But look at it this way, if you don't do it you'll still be worrying. And you could be (and the overwhelming likelihood is that you are) worrying about nothing.

I get it, I'm exactly the same and it's much easier to give this advice than to take it!

Clodaghflower · 05/05/2025 16:50

Just so it. Not doing it isn't going to change the results. I did some tests for sti via the post as I suspected someone cheating on me. It was all ok. At least you will know straight away.
As others have said its not a life sentence these days. If bit is positive then the sooner you know the sooner you can get treatment or medication.
I'm sorry you've been put in this position.
You can return on here to feedback and for advice.
Sending you a handhold whilst you do it.
Be brave. We're all here for you.

Whatsgoingonherethenagain · 05/05/2025 16:52

Neurodiversitydoctor · 05/05/2025 16:48

This.

it is possible to live with HIV now. Amazing advance means the virus can be kept at bay indefinitely.

did the GP not do HIV along with the STI panel?

it will be OK, honestly.

Clodaghflower · 05/05/2025 16:54

Just seen your update. I did my sti test home alone and it was all OK. If you can't manage the price test could you go to a local sexyal health clinic? The results may take longer though.

Purplecatshopaholic · 05/05/2025 16:55

I went to the sexual health clinic and got every test going after I split with my cheating ex. IIRC I got the results posted out (all negative, thankfully). A bit nerve wracking but worth it. Just get it done op, you need to know so you can move on.

Devonshiregal · 05/05/2025 16:57

yeah genuinely just do it. Sit down against something with nothing hard around you and just do it. No reason your blood pressure should bottom out from a tiny prick of blood u less you’re totally freaked out by blood? And honestly unless your ex has said they have hiv why are you focusing on it so much? Could have anything or nothing. Chlamydia more common. But if you do have any sti you want to treat it sooner rather than later so just do it asap.

Sunshine1500 · 05/05/2025 17:11

I recently got a full sti check including hiv.
i was slightly nervous but it’s worth knowing as if it’s negative you’ll feel such a relief!

Sunshine1500 · 05/05/2025 17:12

Was you ex hiv positive? If not it’s unlikely you will be

Original poster

KitkatTrack · 05/05/2025 17:15

I've done it
14 mins to go
WTF

OP posts:

Maddy70 · 05/05/2025 17:20

I have several friends with HIV it's super easily controlled these days and you can't pass it on once on the medication. Please don't worry. Whatever the outcome it'll be ok

WinterMorn · 05/05/2025 17:20

Thinking of you OP, but as others have said, people with HIV can now have good, healthy lives with every possibility of living to a ripe old age.

UncertainPerson · 05/05/2025 17:20

Well done you. Fingers crossed now.

Whatadayyyyyyy · 05/05/2025 17:20

Well done for doing it, good luck will keep everything crossed it’s all ok x

KvotheTheBloodless · 05/05/2025 17:22

Hand hold. Whatever the result, you will be okay.

Original poster

KitkatTrack · 05/05/2025 17:22

6mins left
ffs

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread