Slow Fade - is this always wrong?

[ChargeableHour]

I need to get out of a brief (8 weeks) but loving relationship but cannot face the break up conversation.

The Guy is hot and fabulous but he is surrounded by too much emotional baggage and isn’t really available for a relationship with me. Since we got together, his ex-wife wants him back, his flatmate-landlord has declared her love, and various other high stakes dramas in the last few days.

I really need to get away from the situation but do not want to contribute to the general high emotions. Can I just keep soft pedalling for a few days, finding excuses not to meet up etc until it all goes away?

Just send him a message saying it’s not working ohgt

So he told you about the ex-wife and the flatmate-landlord? He sounds like a drama llama boasting about all the other women throwing themselves at him. I think you need to be brave and tell him you are walking away. He’s welcome to his fan club of fawning other women.

It’s not that deep at 8 weeks :

“you seem to have a lot going on right now - I think we should bow out here for the moment “

I think that the kindest, least painful way is just to tell them. 'John, you are a lovely man, you are kind, good looking & fun, however our relationship isn't working for me. I wish you well and I'm sure that the right woman for you is out there, it's just not me. Take care. Goodbye.' Block and delete their phone number & move on.

It’s 8 weeks - no need for drama or navel gazing.

Just say ‘sorry this isn’t working for me, I wish you well’ and that’s it - no need for anything more

You can't build a loving relationship in 8 weeks. Intense, probably, but loving? Nope. Just tell him you've had second thoughts, and you aren't ready for a relationship right now.

And do it quick, before he tells you his ex doesn't want him back after all and he's fallen out with his landlord who's kicking him out so he won't have anywhere to live and can he come and stay with you for a few weeks while he sorts himself out...

This, then it is clear that the issue is his situation and not him, except he may appear back in a few weeks when his situation has calmed down so if you don’t want this to happen be clear

Oh damn, I was really hoping you’d all say it would be fine to do an Irish Goodbye on the whole thing <coward>. Can I at least do it by text?

Why can’t you just call

Erm, I’m not familiar with that term but isn’t that pretty fucking racist???

An Irish goodbye? Really?

I would call him personally OP, or at least a voice note so it's not so brutal for him.

I really like him and I will fuck it up. He is fully lovely. But the situation gives me the heebies.

If I didn’t care much about him I would do it in person, but I can’t because I would just want to shag him.

What I need is distance and calm.

But you can’t shag him over a phone!

No more than an Irish Coffee including liqueur…? I don’t assume everyone in Ireland is a drunk? Much like I don’t assume everyone in France posts condoms but I do know they are called French letters.

I might cry though. Or agree to meet.

Oh, grow a pair, you are just being a coward, if he was a nice guy and treated him well act with integrity

It looks, from the way you worded it, as though you were defining an Irish goodbye as cowardice, rather than in a purely benign way. I can see you didn’t mean it that way but doesn’t read too well.

I think a text keeps things low key and is appropriate given we don’t have lots of spare time or live particularly close. I think we’ve had one phone call so that might be a bit weird. Plus I like his voice.

@ChargeableHour Sometimes being cold and blunt - even if that is not how you feel towards them can be helpful, it helps him be clear that this is a firm decision and not one you can be persuaded about. It allows him to move on. It is much less kind to be top soft with your words and leave glimmers of false hope. I think a voice call is probably the best balance of ease for you and respectfulness towards him. Do this now, do not drag it out.

Slow fade in this situation is a waste of time and mental energy. Simply say it's been fun but bad timing with so much going on. Wish him well. Then it's done. And on you go to better things!

text is fine in such a short relationship. just get it done.

It's only been a couple of months, for god's sake, just send him a message.

It’s a few weeks of course you can end it by text

A text is definitely fine. Make it vague so he has nothing to argue against. Sonething like...

Hi John, it has been lovely meeting you. I don't think we are the right people for each other but wishing you all the best for the future.