Slow Fade - is this always wrong?

[ChargeableHour]

I need to get out of a brief (8 weeks) but loving relationship but cannot face the break up conversation.

The Guy is hot and fabulous but he is surrounded by too much emotional baggage and isn’t really available for a relationship with me. Since we got together, his ex-wife wants him back, his flatmate-landlord has declared her love, and various other high stakes dramas in the last few days.

I really need to get away from the situation but do not want to contribute to the general high emotions. Can I just keep soft pedalling for a few days, finding excuses not to meet up etc until it all goes away?

Him with his not-quite-ex and you with your mixed messages and slow fading both sound as bad as each other tbh. I’ve dated people of both persuasions and they were both an absolute headfuck nightmare. If you really like him as much as you say, give him the basic courtesy of being honest.

Break up email.

I can’t see any value in taking a break in any relationship ever - it just creates problems.

But you seem to like him a lot

I think he may very well be telling porkies about these women falling for him.

It's an old, old method of creating a higher value for yourself-look how much other people want me-I really am something special.

So, I imagine he may very well think he has shot himself in the foot when he gets your email and may very well try to back pedal-even with his injured foot!

All this is 8 weeks?

Just send him a text. Explain it's too intense and he has too much going on and it doesn't sit right with you.

Stop making excuses.

I do! But sadly the stuff about the flatmate and the stuff about the ex-wife wanting him back is not made up or even exaggerated. All true. I need outta there.

Can’t you say your ex husband wants you back and that your landlord has also declared their feelings so you need to end things with him now and hope he understands as he’s in the same position.

It’s a very well know expression (often said as a French Goodbye…and the French call it an English Goodbye!)

It just means to leave without saying goodbye…and is usually relating to a social event, where just slipping out unnoticed is more about you than the host. You just want to leave without making a fuss or being noticed.

I have never heard it used to mean a slow fade like the OP is using it…but she just meant a gradual distancing, rather than tell him she’s not feeling it.

Slow fade far worse than a short , courteous and clear text message .

A text is fine if you don't want to do it over the phone.
An e-mail is needlessly dramatic and a tad weird.

How bloody weird to send an e-mail ?!!

It’s been 8 weeks. Just text him.

Glad it’s not just me. Sending an email to end a relationship seems very bizarre.

I can’t imagine ever communicating with a partner by email - it seems ridiculously formal.

Sorry folks - email sent, with a text saying it was in his inbox. He emailed back to thank me for being ‘so straightforward’.

we’ve had a pretty LinkedIn relationship - this won’t be weird to him.

Did ye first have contact over LinkedIn?

Was that all he said?

Oh FFS, no it’s not racist. Get a grip. An Irish goodbye is just sneaking off to bed a bit early. It’s not going to prison for murder.

Nah - we just met tangentially through work and networking. We are LinkedIn contacts though 😁We have people in common - hence knowing the ex thing and the flatmate thing are true.

And now I have done it and it is over I feel sad. But my self respect is in tact.

Yes - he said he didn’t know what else to say. One sentence. That’s fine - I’d covered it.

yep send him a message saying you’re out and want to be on your own.
I’m sure with his all love interests that he’ll get on ok.
I bet he’s loving it all - or talking shit. in any case, you don’t need the drama and do need a partner who is mature and interested enough in you to not have all the extraneous nonsense going on.

frame it against the situation, tell him maybe one day etc.

and do it in person, it’s part of life to have tough conversations, doing over text or call lacks respect, how would you like to be broken up with?

good luck xx