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Original poster

Slow Fade - is this always wrong?

70 replies

ChargeableHour · 01/05/2025 16:08

I need to get out of a brief (8 weeks) but loving relationship but cannot face the break up conversation.

The Guy is hot and fabulous but he is surrounded by too much emotional baggage and isn’t really available for a relationship with me. Since we got together, his ex-wife wants him back, his flatmate-landlord has declared her love, and various other high stakes dramas in the last few days.

I really need to get away from the situation but do not want to contribute to the general high emotions. Can I just keep soft pedalling for a few days, finding excuses not to meet up etc until it all goes away?

OP posts:
LilDeVille · 01/05/2025 17:13

mumgodloveher · 01/05/2025 16:48

It looks, from the way you worded it, as though you were defining an Irish goodbye as cowardice, rather than in a purely benign way. I can see you didn’t mean it that way but doesn’t read too well.

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You said yourself you don’t know what the phrase means, you’re looking for offence. Just stop. At least google it before you tell people off for something you’ve never heard of before.

mumgodloveher · 01/05/2025 17:19

LilDeVille · 01/05/2025 17:13

You said yourself you don’t know what the phrase means, you’re looking for offence. Just stop. At least google it before you tell people off for something you’ve never heard of before.

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Actually@LilDeVille my second post was conceding that it wasn’t as it first appeared after I looked it up.

PuppyMonkey · 01/05/2025 17:19

A text is best imho. Short and sweet. What’s an Irish goodbye anyway? Confused

Wishimaywishimight · 01/05/2025 17:19

mumgodloveher · 01/05/2025 16:43

Erm, I’m not familiar with that term but isn’t that pretty fucking racist???

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I'm Irish and I don't know what it means!

PuppyMonkey · 01/05/2025 22:07

Okay, I googled it now - I’ve never heard of this saying but I’m from Irish stock myself and this is very me. Grin

An "Irish goodbye" is a colloquial term for leaving a party or social gathering without saying goodbye to anyone. It's also sometimes called an "Irish exit". The term's origin is somewhat unclear, but it's generally associated with the practice of leaving quietly and discreetly, potentially to avoid extended goodbyes or social awkwardness.

outerspacepotato · 01/05/2025 22:11

"It's not you, it's me."

He's got a full cup of drama, slow fade isn't necessary.

MyDiamondShoesAreTooBig · 01/05/2025 22:12

PuppyMonkey · 01/05/2025 17:19

A text is best imho. Short and sweet. What’s an Irish goodbye anyway? Confused

Would it be the same as a Pakistani goodbye?

TwistedWonder · 01/05/2025 22:13

PuppyMonkey · 01/05/2025 22:07

Okay, I googled it now - I’ve never heard of this saying but I’m from Irish stock myself and this is very me. Grin

An "Irish goodbye" is a colloquial term for leaving a party or social gathering without saying goodbye to anyone. It's also sometimes called an "Irish exit". The term's origin is somewhat unclear, but it's generally associated with the practice of leaving quietly and discreetly, potentially to avoid extended goodbyes or social awkwardness.

Ha ha that’s me every time I go out - never knew it had an actual name.

ThatHazelGuide · 01/05/2025 22:21

It would be good manners to inform him you've not got the bandwidth for this relationship, thank him for the good times and wish him well. It would be good skills to do it in the spoken word, but understand text seems more appealing. What about a voicenote?

pinkdelight · 01/05/2025 22:52

PuppyMonkey · 01/05/2025 22:07

Okay, I googled it now - I’ve never heard of this saying but I’m from Irish stock myself and this is very me. Grin

An "Irish goodbye" is a colloquial term for leaving a party or social gathering without saying goodbye to anyone. It's also sometimes called an "Irish exit". The term's origin is somewhat unclear, but it's generally associated with the practice of leaving quietly and discreetly, potentially to avoid extended goodbyes or social awkwardness.

That’s a French exit. Never heard it called Irish, but seems it’s an alternative to the French - https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/French_leave

SantasLargerHelper · 02/05/2025 07:33

A text is fine, OP. Some good suggestions early on in the thread.

And yes, I'm of Irish stock, and my preferred way to leave a large event is by way of an Irish goodbye. Wonder if it's because our events are so big that if you don't just slip off, you have to spend about an hour hugging everyone goodbye.

healthybychristmas · 03/05/2025 11:52

TasWair · 01/05/2025 16:43

An Irish goodbye? Really?

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It's also also known as as a French exit, if that's any use.

Ratisshortforratthew · 03/05/2025 12:02

Would you like it if someone “slow faded” you? It’s a shitty thing to do. So tell him straight. A text is fine. But, it’s been 8 weeks, this is not a “loving relationship”.

superplumb · 03/05/2025 16:30

Don't be a coward
Phone him, say he's great but you're not feeling it anymore.
It's 8 weeks. He'll have someone else next week. I really wouldn't worry bit dont fade or ghost. It's really childish.

Sodthesystem · 03/05/2025 16:42

I think considering he has all this (probably bullshit) drama, he'll know fine we'll why he's getting dumped by text.

'Listen, I'm sorry but I think I'm out. You've just got too much going on and I want a chill life. Good luck with it all though! All the best and cheerio'.

Done.

ChesterFoxE · 03/05/2025 16:49

It would be better to call him & explain but I personally would bottle it and just text him saying really sorry it’s not working out……but be sure you mean it and stick to it.

What would be really mean would be saying one thing and then doing another.

Good luck 🍀

NameChangedOfc · 03/05/2025 16:52

blacksax · 01/05/2025 16:34

You can't build a loving relationship in 8 weeks. Intense, probably, but loving? Nope. Just tell him you've had second thoughts, and you aren't ready for a relationship right now.

And do it quick, before he tells you his ex doesn't want him back after all and he's fallen out with his landlord who's kicking him out so he won't have anywhere to live and can he come and stay with you for a few weeks while he sorts himself out...

This

Original poster
ChargeableHour · 04/05/2025 12:01

You are all pretty damning on the ‘loving relationship’ at 8 weeks Grin You cynical vipers you.

Have none of you fallen in love? I think my Ex and I were pretty much sold by week 3. Smile

Anyway, I have decided that a text isn’t enough, given that we were both really excited about the possibility of where this might go. So I’ve drafted him an email. Bit longer, feels a bit more serious - which we were.

OP posts:
Original poster
ChargeableHour · 04/05/2025 12:03

Sodthesystem · 03/05/2025 16:42

I think considering he has all this (probably bullshit) drama, he'll know fine we'll why he's getting dumped by text.

'Listen, I'm sorry but I think I'm out. You've just got too much going on and I want a chill life. Good luck with it all though! All the best and cheerio'.

Done.

But the email basically says what @Sodthesystem says here

OP posts:
Blueskies25 · 04/05/2025 12:26

ChargeableHour · 04/05/2025 12:01

You are all pretty damning on the ‘loving relationship’ at 8 weeks Grin You cynical vipers you.

Have none of you fallen in love? I think my Ex and I were pretty much sold by week 3. Smile

Anyway, I have decided that a text isn’t enough, given that we were both really excited about the possibility of where this might go. So I’ve drafted him an email. Bit longer, feels a bit more serious - which we were.

we were both really excited about the possibility of where this might go

Considering the above, I don’t think an e-mail / text is sufficient, also you surely must have seen him in the last week so why can’t you say it to his face….it’s really weak behaviour on your part

Original poster
ChargeableHour · 04/05/2025 12:47

It is weak - because I am. I really like him. I am avoiding seeing him because I am likely to give mixed messages. As another poster pointed out, that is unfair.

Better that I be clear in an email, than fuzzy in person?

OP posts:
YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 04/05/2025 12:52

Email is fine for 8 weeks. I think slow fade would also be fine tbh, leaves him with the option to just let it fizzle out, bit more dignified..?

Blueskies25 · 04/05/2025 12:53

ChargeableHour · 04/05/2025 12:47

It is weak - because I am. I really like him. I am avoiding seeing him because I am likely to give mixed messages. As another poster pointed out, that is unfair.

Better that I be clear in an email, than fuzzy in person?

Is it a break up e-mail or a take a break e-mail

Blanca87 · 04/05/2025 12:58

Personally I think you have had a lucky escape, the triangulation with other women and the love bombing indicates this relationship was never going to be a healthy one.

Sodthesystem · 04/05/2025 13:00

Yeah the whole thing with the flatmate smacks of narcissistic triangulation

Trying to make you worry that there might be another woman awaiting in the wings. And painting himself as Mr popular.

You're right to run.