Another boring porn post

[usernoloserno]

I'm feeling low about my DP's porn use. Borrowed his phone and found he'd been looking at various sites, including what looked like live chat sites (cam girls?). I knew he'd been looking at porn because he's always used it and he's terrible at doing anything sneaky. In general porn use doesn't bother me, but with my partner I've had a problem with it before because he was doing it in our flat during lockdown when obviously I was home. He was a bit depressed by lockdown, but it felt like he was choosing porn over me, and that perhaps he was a little bit addicted (though not to a serious extent).

I feel like we're in a similar situation now, in that I'm pretty sure he's been looking at it when I'm home, almost every day. I had a baby by c-section four months ago, so my libido has struggled, way worse than when we had our first child (also by c-section). We're both worn out by parenthood and life in general, but we're a fairly strong couple who like each other's company and communicate well. Or I thought we were.

I'm mostly sad because he's a good partner. He's always reassuring me, telling me and showing me how much he loves and desires me. He hasn't pressured me once into resuming our (once high frequency) sex life, and has been gentle in initiating the sex we've had, which I've enjoyed. I was beginning to get my confidence back but now this has dented it again. I confronted him about what I saw and he said he hasn't watched live porn ever. He's adamant. TBH I hadn't ever articulated that this would be crossing a line for me until now, but it does. And I find the idea of him watching porn every day really upsetting. We had sex on Monday (I initiated it) and I think he indulged in porn yesterday. So, he can't even go a day without? That feels a little like a habit to me.

I'm not sure what to do, really, except feel hurt and then try and move past it. Especially because he's so adamant about not watching live porn. In all other respects, our partnership is great and something I cherish. What would you do/ say to him to move forward?

@ItGhoul I have no issue if blokes want to wank every day without using porn - I do have an issue when they are on porn the minute you go out the door virtually every day and it’s all very secretive, never mentioned and if you bring ‘the subject up’ say - I’m not really interested in it - that’s the kind of scenario I’ve had to deal with as have many others- even when they know we are ‘not ok with it’ -

I discovered my Hs use years ago when I was actually monitoring our internet because I had concerns about our teen son at the time and maybe drugs etc . Quite a suprise for me given that he was very much a new man/feminist type!!

I do wish many men would understand that whilst some women don’t give a shit plenty do for all kinds of reasons and it can be marriage ending for some.

A quick sift through surveys on the topic suggests monthly porn viewing by USA men is over 60%.
The good news is it’s only about 50% for practising Christians

https://www.provenmen.org/pornography-survey-statistics-2014/

@Papster

This thread is practically 9 months old.

If you want to discuss porn use amongst US men why not start your own thread?

I know this is an old post but this is exactly how I feel. And also why I stay single too. I wonder how many other women choose to stay single because of this.

I think what gets me the most is the age and look of women on there. Young and they are selected for their unblemished slim “perfect” bodies and then real life can never compare. Women want to be made to feel like gorgeous goddesses in order to become their confident sexual selves. Men really shoot themselves in the foot with this because it tends to make women retreat into themselves and not want sex.