Wife makes me feel worthless!

[TattooedRugbyDad]

Im 40m and have been married for 2 years, but for the past 6 months ive been made to feel worthless, shouting and screaming at me constantly, never any compliments, just negativity directed my way consistently! Now, we have a 4 year old son and i do everything for him whereas she doesnt, i feel like a single parent! Have any of you been in a situation like this before?

Do either of you work?

sounds hellish for the poor child

Oh gosh. Poor you. Women are dreadful creatures, aren’t they?

Yes we do work. I make sure im always calm and give him a safe place. When she starts shouting i take him away from the situation

So get wheels in motion for splitting and getting your child out of this horrible marriage

What’s she shouting and screaming at you about, exactly?

Also, when you say you do ‘everything’ for your son, what does that entail? Cooking, cleaning, food shopping, pickup/dropoff, doctors’ appointments, dentist appointments, haircuts, clothes shopping, baths…you do all those things and she does nothing?

Yeah i do all those things! Literally all those things. She just sits on the couch and when im busy and say “can you do me a favour…” before ive even finished the sentence she is kicking off like ive disturbed her from something!

If this is happening all of a sudden then there is a reason behind her behaviour. You need to find out.

This sounds like hell! How, we're things before? Did anything happen 6 months ago that might have caused her change of mood and attitude towards you?

No not that im aware of, she started staying up a lot later than usual as she likes her sleep and used to go to bed at like 10-11ish, then she started staying up way later and sometimes not even go to bed at all! Id go to sleep, wake up in the morning and she’d be still downstairs. Then when i come down she says “now im going to bed”. Thats kinda when it all started.

How can she stay awake all night, does she not work? What is she doing at night?

Do you think she's talking to someone online at night? Another guy?

Somethings happened. I don’t know what, but something in her mind has shifted. Have you actually spoken to her about this?

Your wife not going to bed all night and saying she’s going up when you come downstairs sounds a lot like she doesn’t want to be in bed with you.

You need to get a better understanding of what it is that’s suddenly changed. Was she always in the drivers seat up until the point she changed? Because let me tell you, there are countless times I’ve wanted to just throw the towel in and not lift a finger around the house so my DH finally knew how that felt.

She does work yeah but this isnt a day to day occurrence. And as for what she does, she blasts music out all night. She even does this on a weekday when the neighbours are trying to sleep and if i have work in the morning but she has the next day off or she is on an afternoon shift.

At the start it was 50/50 to be honest. We’d split household chores, we’d each take over with our son whilst the other had some relaxation time to unwind. Now it seems the relaxation time is continuous with her. I cant quite put my finger on what happened, coz she never tells me anything about how shes feeling and if i try and ask she gets so defensive.

I genuinely dont know but her behaviour is sometimes very suspicious

So, she does no housework, no childcare, and doesn’t sleep (yet somehow works)? What you’re describing is extremely strange and, if that’s an accurate depiction of the situation, I’d be very worried about her mental health.

What’s she screaming and shouting at you?

Its not a daily occurrence where she doesnt sleep, well, she does but its when i come downstairs and thats on days where either she has the next day off or is on an afternoon shift. And no she doesnt do housework. I do the hoovering, the mopping, the laundry, wash the dishes, etc. She’ll shout as if im busy ill ask her to do me a favour and its like i interrupted something extremely important.

She’ll shout and scream at times where there is no need for it. Like a complete over reaction!

What is she doing when you ask her for these favours, is she on her phone or computer, watching TV, what?

Do you suspect she’s drinking or taking drugs?

She is on her phone usually and 9 times out of 10 she is on Amazon, so its things that can wait whilst im sorting out our son or doing something around the house that needs doing and just ask for a small favour so im not running around like a headless chicken

Sounds like she's become very resentful of you and if it were a woman discussing a man's change of behaviour in this way, almost every answer would be that they're messing around messaging or seeing someone else. You need to have it out with her and ask her outright to see her reaction because she's obviously up to something if she's staying up for hours longer than is her usual normal. She'll probably lie but may do a lot of defensive squirming which may at least give you a clue if that's the case.

Based on this response - yes.

Sounds like she's checked out and is trying to make you end it so as she can claim to be the victim. Actually it doesn't matter in the long run what label you are given, what is hugely important is the effect this behaviour will be having on your child. Is there anywhere you can go with you son - parents?

Have you tried asking her, very calmly, why she is behaving in this way?
Sounds unlikely but do you think she'd consider counselling?
Is she financially dependent on you?

Yeah i agree! Like if i had a change in behaviour id be absolutely slated! But in this case its the woman with the change in behaviour and only a small amount of people including yourself have mentioned the “Cheating” subject.

Women can be abusive too