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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Met a great guy trouble is...

90 replies

inadilemma · 17/05/2008 18:46

Please dont flame me, obviously name changed for this, trouble is he is attached, I'm single.

I only realised this after a strong connection was made. I've met him before and presumed he was single.

We are both smitten but have arranged to meet up again as friends. Its a long time since I've felt this strongly and although I know we cannot go there I want to go through with the meeting. I will make sure nothing physical will happen. Am I mad? help can anyone talk some sense into me.

OP posts:
Hulababy · 17/05/2008 19:59

Back off - he is someone else.

Until a time comes when he is not attached I think you should stay as far away as possible. Even then I think you should stay away - if he cheats onthe current partner who is to stay he won't do it again to you.

quint · 17/05/2008 20:00

You are not a horrible person - you obviously know it is wrong which is why you asked on here. He is the shit - he has a family he knew all about when you met him, initially you didn't know about them so you have done nothing wrong. However if you do meet him even as a friend then you have no excuse and are as bad as he is.

Walk away - don;t go there, you are worth more than that

anorak · 17/05/2008 20:05

Thefearlessfreak - You think if she only wants naughty sex she should go for it?

Even if the man is your DH?

Original poster
inadilemma · 17/05/2008 20:05

It was a magic moment. Just after I thought to myself. This is it, this is the one. It sounds crazy, I know, I am a grown woman ffs. Then I found out he was attached!!! It was almost love at first kiss. Still life is full of surprises and I'm starting to believe you cannot help who you fall for.

I wont tell him that I will be available if he splits with his partner. To me that's worse than having an affair in terms of trying to split a couple up. He hasnt even expressed any dissatisfaction with his current relationship.

Its too late to cancel the meeting its going to be over a coffee in broad daylight and I will get some answers then.

OP posts:
Dior · 17/05/2008 20:11

Message withdrawn

quint · 17/05/2008 20:11

No its not too late - don;t turn up! You're looking for excuses to go - don;t be a fool

ANTagony · 17/05/2008 20:13

Are you sure its him you're smitten with or that you're just really ready for a loving relationship?

If its the later there appear to be lots of dating sites people on here are using. Been thinking about checking some of them out.

madamez · 17/05/2008 20:15

It's not 'too late' to cancel, text him and tell him you have explosive diarrhoea and can't leave the bathroom.
I'm not a monogamist but he does sound like a prick. He's probably one of these blokes who just loves playing the tragic 'ooooh, if only I was single, we are star-crossed lovers' line to get other women to drop their knickers, and them he will blame them for the fact that he's breached the bounds of monogamy.
You, dear, are just horny and there are plenty of nice men out there. Best of luck.

AnneMayesR · 17/05/2008 20:18

Connection my arse...this guy wants sex with someone different that's all.

AnneMayesR · 17/05/2008 20:19

...and men can be very charming and make you think that you are their world when this is what they want.

Dior · 17/05/2008 20:21

Message withdrawn

davidtennantsmistress · 17/05/2008 20:23

naughty sex? honestly if you want that sort of thing get yourself onto any of the 'adult' web sites and you'll find single guys in an abundance to do things which would make your mums eyes.... well would shock them a lot!

there's no connection, this is infatuation. walk away do the right thing here, if he contacts you again tell him you don't do married/attached men.

honestly as the wife of someone who went off - walk away and don't wreck it all. don't listen to his crap that he spins, sending him packing back to his partner - he'll do it because he can.

plenty more fishes in the sea (so i'm told)

davidtennantsmistress · 17/05/2008 20:23

quite b4 the sex they're fantastic! after - not so much!

Thefearlessfreak · 17/05/2008 20:25

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns

macdoodle · 17/05/2008 20:27

Love at first kiss oh FGS are you 12?? Lust more like
Quint I disagree - the fact she is posting on here implies that she in fact feels that she should go and stuff the consequences - my H OW bleated blah blah how hurt she got...hmm she knew he was married with a child whatever crap he spun her she COULD have walked away!! IMO if you get involved with an attached man and then get hurt frankly my dear you deserve it!!
Go look at Carmenere's thread if the ones full of pain and heartbreak don't move you - that is how someone with an ounce of human empathy and morality behaves ....am going away now too close to home

anorak · 17/05/2008 20:41

I'm glad you meant it that way TFF. I've just read over your first post again and it def sounds like you are telling her to go for it if she wants something shallow!

It wasn't clear that you didn't mean with him!

ALMummy · 17/05/2008 20:49

When I told my MIL about a silly girl who was had been draped all over my DH in a pub when she was extremely drunk and then continued to try to pursue him by passing on her phone number to various people to give to him, MIL said "Why doesn't she piss off and find her own man"

I suggest you follow that advice.

But you wont.

macdoodle · 17/05/2008 20:52

No I agree AL she won't will she - I think it is either something you find morally wrong or not and the fact that you even consider it shows which kind you are

macdoodle · 17/05/2008 20:53

Oh and trying to disguise it as love or a connection is just plain pathetic in my book!

macdoodle · 17/05/2008 20:54

And before anyone says it - yes the men are mostly to blame, they are the ones betraying their familes, yes they feed the OW a line of crap blah blah we know - we blame the men we are angry with them.....
BUT FGS why on earth would you belive them have you never heard of "just say no"

davidtennantsmistress · 17/05/2008 20:55

quite macd.

it's simple attached or married men are out of bounds end of discussion. pack him back to his partner/wife.

turquoise · 17/05/2008 21:02

This man has no respect for any woman.

He cheats on his wife.

He kisses you without bothering to inform you he's in a relationship, taking away your choice in the matter.

What's so 'great' about that?

But you don't sound as though you really want to hear any of the sensible advice you've been given.

beaniesteve · 17/05/2008 21:03

You want something to happen, that's why you want to go through with meeting him again.

You should back off.

ALMummy · 17/05/2008 21:04

Has this man got kids? Because if so you should be bloody ashamed of yourself for even considering this. I don t want to flame you OP but when you look at the pain in some of the posts on this board caused by behaviour such as this, I am actually really surprised that you posted this "dilemma" here.

And yes I know its the man who is the arse blah blah blah - but he didn't post or I would have let HIM have it with both barrels too.

Original poster
inadilemma · 17/05/2008 21:08

I've text him and cancelled. He's replied that he respects my decision but wasnt assuming anything! Hes giving me the hard sell.

So its all nipped in the bud before it started. It was only a kiss and I was wrong to let him kiss me.

Thanks mumsnetter now I will carry on my lonely life without love.

OP posts:
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