Partner doesn't like haircut

[iamaleo18]

Been with my partner for a very long time. I have always had hair half way down my back until last year. I saw a photo of my hair from behind and it looked so ratty so I chopped it off to my shoulders to help it grow better. Partner chucked a big tanty saying "I'm not in a relationship with a boy" and "oh I doesn't matter what I like".
My hair seems to grow unevenly so iv been getting trims (nothing ott) but it is taking a long time for it to grow longer.
Anyways what are your thoughts? Should he have a say in how I have my hair? I do kind of get it because he's the one looking at me but at the same time I'm like wtf this is my hair I'll do what I like with it. It's not like I have gone and shaved my head or got a pixie cut.
This is not the first time this issue has arose either.

Bold words for someone that's vulnerable to male pattern baldness!

But on a more serious note, is this really about hair, or is it the fact that he had no control over the decision, because it kinda stinks of control issues, that's pretty concerning that he feels he should have that big of a vote when it comes to your appearance.

Also important to consider what his reaction would be to hair loss related to poor health, alopecia, medical treatments etc. Like would this man actually up and leave you in the middle of chemotherapy because he thinks "YoU lOoK lIke A bOy". This reaction is telling you alot, are you ready to hear it is the question?

He sounds very shallow - perhaps if he can’t love you with long or short hair he’d struggle to love you in sickness and health. “My body my choice” extends to your appearance too. And the thought of gendered hair cuts is just ridiculous (especially as shoulder length isn’t even that short)

This is a difficult one, and your DP is an arse for the way in which he's expressed it, but I do think partners should be able to express a preference on stuff like hair.

DP prefers me with a beard. All her celebrity crushes are beardy, and most of her exes had one. She just has a thing for bearded men.

To be honest, I was kind of over being beardy about 10 years ago, and have shaved it off a few times. DP has never complained, but there's definitely a inverse correlation between her levels of affection and the amount of chin I've got on show.

Personally, I'd prefer the woman I want to spend the rest of my life to continue to find me attractive, so the beard remains a fixture.

On the flip side, I'm not a fan of tattoos. No issue with them, they just don't do anything for me personally. So I'd probably be a little upset if DP decided to just go ahead and get one, knowing this. Luckily for me she's got a massive needle phobia so it's never going to be an issue!

I have been with my DH over 20 years and he has seen me with very different hair cuts and colours, one cut was similar to a pixie cut I have had different style bobs and currently my hair is just at my shoulders I tie it up everyday as my hair is so fine and flyaway it doesn’t look right down he has never given me a negative comment about my hair even when I had a nightmare hairdresser and I was devastated cried my eyes out he hugged me and told me it really wasn’t that bad and it would grow. Your husband sounds like a prick and I’ve got to be honest if you have kept your hair the way you have for all these years because of him then I think its about time you got your hair done how you want it and not what he will approve of.

I know yours is going against the grain but I think it’s okay to have a preference about your partner’s hair. Like you, I’d hate it if my husband suddenly shaved his head and would show my aversion even if I didn’t voice it because you know, his head, his hair.

Taken on its own without the additional posts, it’s okay for the OP’s partner to feel a bit shocked and not like the new look but not ok to have a tantrum!

Having an opinion about the way your partner looks if it is has changed significantly from when you got together is ok, as long as it's respectful. If my DH suddenly started sporting a skin head out of choice, for example, I'd probably say something but I wouldn't be cruel about it. But your partner sounds like an a-hole.

I did similar to you last year. My very long hair was quite ratty and really getting on my nerves. I seemed to spend so much time moving it out the way so I went for a big chop and felt great afterwards. I already knew DH preferred long hair and that he wouldn't love it. He didn't pretend to love it, but he was at least happy that I liked it. He certainly wasn't, and would never have been, mean about it.

Oh dear, I very much doubt if this is the first instance of him being a class A twat. You asking the question suggests he or other people have done a number on you.

I wouldn’t say this is true at all.

My hair was jet black and in a bob with loads of layers.
My husband prefers it longer with blond highlights.

The only reason I ask for my husband’s opinion on my hair styles is because I get bored and change so often so it helps me make a decision.

I used to have my hair in a pixie cut. My husband wasn’t keen on it but he never said anything other than it looks nice.

Purely out of spite and pettiness I would go for a pixie cut and say ‘my hair, my say’

I'd find him controlling and sexist tbh. And no-one wants ratty hair!

It’s absolutely fine for him to prefer your hair a certain way. It’s not ok for him to bitch and moan if you want it a different style. Tell him thanks for the feedback, it’s noted but it’s also not his decision!

Oh, I also agree with a lot of the PP, he sounds a bit of a twat

Gosh, well unfortunately I developed alopecia whilst in a relationship, I wonder what he’d do then 🙄. Honestly he doesn’t sound a very nice or supportive person if he has an issue about something so superficial. I’d worry about how he’d be if your looks actually changed significantly eg weight gain or loss. Also fancy calling you a boy just because of a shorter cut. Oh well, at least you know he’s a superficial crappy and up to you to do what you will with him 🩵

Ask him if men with long hair is girly. Then show him some pictures of some male celebrities with long hair who are far from girly.

I don’t really get why so many prefer it? If they use the feminine argument then how is a woman with a bob less feminine, she’s still a woman?

Tell him you have really bad nits and that the hairdresser said to you you should cut it off. And that the whole house needs to be fumigated.

If I had a boyfriend / husband like this I would be so tempted to cut my hair even shorter and never wear form fitting clothes.

That gif was an accident but a Freudian one. I wonder how much real affection he is looking at you with?

Tell him you like bald shiny shaved heads on a man

All that time and money spend on the Supreme Court, fights between feminists and trans and it turns out we can define sex by whether your hair goes past your shoulders. Genius!

OP he sounds like a dick. He's allowed an opinion of course but he doesn't need to express it. It's your hair.

Like hell he thinks a woman with shoulder-length hair looks like a boy! He's just saying that to make you feel bad about how it looks, so that you change your mind and have your hair like he wants. What an arse!

Hmmm. Time to find a new partner, methinks.

First poster nails it again!

He called you a boy because your hair was shorter than waist length?!
He sounds an imbecile with extremely narrow minded views. And bad fashion sense.

What kind of hair does he have? Do you dictate what length it is? Maybe there isn't enough of it and you need to demand he has extensive transplantation surgery? At his own expense.
While you gleefully sport a mohican. 🤣

Sorry but as they say, in for a penny, in for a pound.
Dye your hair green and tell him you will identify as single if he doesn't grow the F up.

Nope absolutely not. Would not stand for this. This is a massive red flag for me. To me it belies something deeper and nastier.
Ngl my dh doesn’t often notice if I’ve had my hair done but if he does he always says it’s lovely. And so he should. It’s the only acceptable response.

Yes it is your hair but people being rude about husband better be sure they'd still fancy their partner with a noticeable physical change. Like getting new teeth, losing teeth, growing a beard, growing a moustache, shaving one off, growing obese, losing a lot of weight.
He obviously still loves you but loves your hair particularly.
My husband is the same. Fortunately for him it looks shit no matter how long or short I keep it.