Although people are saying leave so you can demonstrate a good relationship by doing so you may end up exposing your child to his/her new toxic partner. Because if your ex meets another woman you no longer have any control over what they are being exposed to. Blended families, shared bedrooms, horrid exes, arguments, fights, abuse, poor communication etc. All of this is common (you even see it on MN) and without serious insight your ex is unlikely to change when they meet someone new. And if the new lady has three kids and a crap ex then a whole whirlwind of chaos may be coming their way. Then they have their own baby and it deteriorates further.
Okay they will have a safe haven with you at least 50% of the week. But the other 50% anything could be happening and you have no say at all.
As for conning and tricking - I think too many people con and trick. Cheating is conning and tricking too and in real life I know far more men who have cheated then women. However I don’t tar all men with the same brush as I also know some cracking loyal men.
@NCForThatForumM I have a friend saying similar to you, I think he has gone down a bit of a dark rabbit hole online about women. He also tries to avoid talking and is proud of the fact - sees it as masculine. His wife’s a shit, she cheated on him, it’s changed how I see her now. All her flaws jump out at me (the flaws I believe allowed her to cheat). She hasn’t addressed them, I dare say she’ll cheat again. He’s there for his child. But his attitude is making me start to look at him differently. I gave him the benefit of the doubt as I know PISD is common in victims of cheating but instead of counselling he is losing himself due to the rabbit hole. I’m on his side, she shat on him, I don't think cheating on your spouse is justifiable in any way, ever. I wouldn’t ever date someone who had cheated on their spouse. It’s really grim behaviour. But the rabbit hole he has gone down means he sees women very negatively. It’s a shame for him as I think he is losing himself. He will no doubt leave when his child is grown up (and I don’t blame him) I just hope he gets out of his rabbit hole.
I think it’s so important to look at someone’s personality traits pre marriage but we don’t get taught this. Do they regularly lie to others? How are they around others? Do they communicate easily? Etc.
Have you read John Gottmans work? ‘Seven secrets of making a marriage work’ is a brilliant book. Should be given as a wedding gift in my opinion! I dont think people take time to work on their marriage. They spend 30 minutes a day working out, 30 mins on insta or practicing something but expect their marriage to work fine for a lifetime. It’s also assumed if a marriage is good it just works. But we change over 25 years and things we experience affects us. Difficult births, teens, deaths, poor workplaces. Connection is so important. Gottman has other books too - another good one - I think it’s called 6 dates. It may help someone reading this thread.