Husband Doesn’t Talk

[Sj26]

Does anyone else have a husband that doesn’t talk or make conversation ever? We can be sat at home he doesn’t speak, on a 3 hour drive and just stares out window. He never starts a conversation and if I do I just get very short replies. After 15 years I’m really struggling with it now.

Seriously? He will just walk right by you without saying a word?

when he gets in from work it’s some awkward ‘alright’ but sometimes on weekends he can get up and not say morning, hello or anything for a while. I get fed up of starting conversations so sit and wait to see how long it takes for him to.

OP- surely you must discuss things? How are big decisions made, or do you make them all?

Jesus Christ

This sounds horrible op

now imagine tweens and teens living with this op

small things he just usually says don’t mind, big things like we had bathroom done he leaves me to find the builder etc but I have come to realise that if somethings not right then can blame me because I made the decision

they presumably never hear you laugh together? What are evenings like?

And another drip

so he’s either silent, shouting or criticising

but he’s apparently a good father

doubt it

I would guess you two got together when you were young and you both have very little previous relationship history

Yes! My husband rarely speaks! He’s no company at all, has no opinions or ideas on anything. He is happy to let me make all household decisions and doesn’t help at all. We have been married 25 years and he has got worse over time, now I find that I don’t speak either as it’s pointless . It got to a point last year I was seriously considering my options but then I had a devastating diagnosis. I can’t manage on my own with appointments and treatment, he has to drive me, so I am stuck. He has stepped up with practical stuff like shopping and washing etc and we have got a cleaner but he is no emotional support at all. I’m sorry, I have hijacked your thread, but I needed to hear I wasn’t alone!

Does he talk to the children? Does he say hello to them? Interact with them? Do things with them?

I am so sorry to hear that! It’s so hard but when you have other things going on too I can’t imagine how you feel 😞

He plays with them, if I’m upstairs ironing I do hear the young one ask for the same thing a few times and have to shout down to him to answer him then he will stop repeating himself!

Do you think he has a hearing problem and can't hear them? I don't understand how he holds down a job if he doesn't respond to people.

Am I right op?

what are evenings like? Do you share a bed?

No not a hearing problem, he just too busy on phone or watching tv

So he doesn't interact with them. He just ignores his children as he's focusing on social media. How is he a good dad?

Nothing you have said makes him sound like a good father 😕

We do share a bed yes, but he does work shifts so every other week he’s not there. He usually goes to bed early when he’s home

This doesn't sound like any way to live. And it will not be good for your DC.
He doesn't sound like a good dad, either.

He sounds very much like my stbxh.

It's soul destroying.

It took me far too long to understand and accept that I deserved so much more.

I won't lie, leaving and breaking up the family was the hardest thing I've ever done, but I wish I'd done it long ago. I wish I'd given my dc a different example of what marriage should be.

I couldn’t live like this OP. As the DC get older this won’t be a happy home environment for them. My parents actively disliked each other most of the time, but did speak at least (when not arguing).

Were there any other factors to you leaving, I feel so selfish thinking of leaving. There are other things that have happened in the past too

I don’t really understand this thinking… selfish how? Your children are growing up in a toxic environment, surely it’s more selfish to stay?

My DH can be the same, though it's not all the time. I've found that finding activities to do together help to reduce the silences and provide a talking point help, such as playing a board game or cards on an evening. However, from your follow up posts it sounds like there are much deeper issues you need to address beyond a quiet husband.