Yes, there were.
I was quite young and inexperienced when we got together and hadn't given much thought to who I really was, what I wanted out of life or in a partner. I fell in love and just did what people do: move in together, get engaged, married and have children.
I remember very clearly thinking to myself that he didn't seem to have much to say if I didn't start the conversation before we were married but I just brushed it off. And I was in love, had low self-esteem and had had some shockingly bad models of marriage in my childhood so it didn't occur to me that I could leave him for something so seemingly insignificant.
Slowly, over the years, I came to think that he wasn't actually interested in me as a person. It was as if I served a function. As long as things stayed very surface level, as long as I didn't ask for too much emotionally, it worked for him.
He had no desire to know what I thought, or felt, or dreamed about. I felt like he didn't really care about who I was, my inner world, my soul. I felt unseen, unheard and very lonely. But again, my low self-esteem made me think I was just too needy.
I also realised that he was also quite selfish. This became more obvious after we had children. He really did seem to see himself as the most important person in the family. Nothing truly awful but just lots of examples of a lack of consideration, taking things (me) for granted, letting me carry the emotional load for everything, checking out of family life.
I tried many times to tell him I was lonely, not happy with the way things were but nothing ever changed. He was "fine". Told me this is what real, grown-up relationships are like. Again, I felt that I must be too needy, too demanding.
I became more and more unhappy, resentful.
We grew further and further apart.
It took me a long time to leave. I remember googling, trying to get advice on divorce, in 2016 (that's how I discovered Mumsnet actually) but although I was unhappy I couldn't imagine ever leaving. I gradually became really quite depressed to the point where I actually thought I might be losing my mind with all the cognitive disonance of feeling so unhappy in my marriage but him saying everything was fine, he couldn't see what the problem was. Add in sick/aging parents, struggling/challenging teenagers, peromenopause...I hit rock bottom but still couldn't bring myself to leave.
i did, however, get some long-overdue therapy, just for me, and it saved my sanity and helped me grow strong enough to finally decide.
I saw a solicitor for some free advice in 2022 but I still wasn't ready. I agonized for months. and finally told him I thought our marriage had run its course in 2023 but he asked me to stay and to really try and work on it so I did. To give him credit, he really did make an effort but it came far too late for me. After about four months I just knew it wasn't going to be enough so I told him I wanted a divorce and this time he didn't try and stop me.
I still love him, as the father of my children and the man I married and spent 25 years of my life with. But I've changed, grown and need more than he can give me, and want a different type of relationship to the kind he's happy with and I accepted for so long. I wish him well, miss him in many ways, and I'm still grieving our old life as a family, even if it was dysfunctional. But...I am not stuck in that lonely place with no hope of it ever changing.
I have since met someone new, quite by chance. Neither of us were looking for anything but became friends initially. He is so kind, warm, caring, supportive, emotionally intelligent. We talk for hours about anything and everything, and we communicate honestly and openly. We each take care to be respectful and considerate. I feel seen, loved, cherished, desired. We're taking it slowly and are making no promises of forever but we're committed to each other right now. It would be wrong to compare a year-long love affair, where we don't live together or have to deal with the day-to-day, with marriage of half a lifetime with all the typical trials. Both of us are older and wiser than my husband and I were when we met. And I have no idea if it will last. But this is so, so much easier, so much more fulfilling. I don't feel lonely, and I don't feel needy.
I didn't mean to write a novel, but wanted to say that you're not wrong to want more.