At what point do you say enough?

[BarbiesWorld]

Been with boyfriend for 2 and a half years now. Took until the 18 month mark to meet my kids who adore him and, after a lazy, half arsed ex husband, the new boyfriend seemed a breath of fresh air.

About 6 months ago he got majorly depressed out of nowhere. Fine, I’ve had mental health issues in the past, let’s get you to the Drs for a chat and see if medication is recommended. However, he’s been patchy at best when it comes to taking them and seems to have done a complete 180 to the man he was for that first year and a half.

He makes no effort day to day with me or our relationship and will regularly decide he doesn’t want to or can’t go to plans we have with family/friends.

A month ago, he made a comment about feeling like a spare part when we’re around my kids and I (probably a bit harshly in hindsight) responded that of course he will, they’re my kids and they come first.

It feels like I’m fighting an uphill battle and no matter what I say or do, his standard response is that he’s just “laid back” or that I must be perfect or that I care too much. As far as he’s concerned, the things I’m getting upset over aren’t a big deal and I can’t complain because he’s not out with the lads or cheating on me.

Is it time to call it a day? Don’t really know what to say or do and it feels like he’s pushing me to breaking point sometimes with the silent treatment and sulking and whining about not being good enough for me because he’s always skint.

Well done! 👏🏼

If you are in anyway a nice person, it is hard breaking up with someone even when they are a total shit. None of this was your fault.

I hope you are feeling relief at being free.

Well he doesn’t sound like an enormous loss, not really worthy of the time and energy you have devoted to him. Certainly sounds like the right decision.

Hopefully you can spend time focused on your health as it sounds like you’ve not been well - staying healthy for yourself and your kids far more important than dancing attendance on this bloke.

Read about 3rd love theory. 2nd is toxic and teaches you the 3rd is the best

Aww I'm so sorry op. This sounds like my ex partner, sadly we also had a baby 18m into the relationship. It's heartbreaking when you believe you have found a 'good un' and keep chasing the good times and waiting for them to come back

Thank you!

@MagpiePihonestly, it is a bit like a weight has been lifted. I tried, tried so hard and poured so much into him and it was eating at me in a way I didn’t even realise.

@Comtesseyou’re completely right and it’s one thing attending my appointments and taking the medication versus actually focusing on my health from the inside out. The kids need their mum and there’s nothing quite as awful as teaching a nine year old what signs to look for and when to ring an ambulance for mum.

Absolutely not looking for a man any time in the near future but I’ll definitely have a read, thank you.

Despite the sly digs from him, I don’t have much experience with relationships (he was the 3rd that ever made it to “meet the friends/parents stage”).

Oh I’m sorry.

Honestly, I’ve never been more grateful for the only thing the both us being in agreement on from the beginning was no children together. I hope you’re in a better place now.

That's great news OP, good for you. Big weight off! Onwards and upwards now, without a cocklodger moping around.

And the final weight has been lifted in that the kids have been told.

The youngest had a little cry but a cuddle and us spending the afternoon building the most epic fort ever (his words) helped. Eldest has gone on the defence and is telling me how much we don't need a man (and she's damned right).

It feels lighter already and I'm looking at the future with a bit more brightness and safe knowing how lucky the three of us are.

@BarbiesWorld that’s good to hear. The sun is shining and you’re smiling again. And I’ll bet you’re stronger now

So, just in case any cares or is like me and loves an update….

things have been great. Me and the kids are happier and I feel like I’m not walking on egg shells all the time.

until last night when my phone alerted me to an AirTag travelling with me all fucking day. The bastard has put a tracker on my car. So now my peaceful happy healing process has been completely shattered. Aren’t men and relationships fun.

How awful! It sounds like you really did make the right decision then.

@BarbiesWorld

Just in case you are unaware, there are ways you can locate it

Don’t stress about it! It’s easy to find - and when you do, just turn off your Bluetooth, then put it on a bus or a train. Might be worth a quick message to remind him it’s illegal. But don’t let him mess with your head - keep smiling 😁😁😁

No, he has…..

Time to end it.

I found it (rammed up behind one of the lights) and after 20 odd minutes digging around managed to get it out. A neighbour has CCTV too luckily and is going to check to see if you can see him doing it on her cameras.

He's been given short thrift and told in no uncertain terms that if so much as walks past me or my children in the street, I'll be calling the police.

It just feels so violating and intrusive.

When did he put this tracker there? You've been separated for 6 weeks? Have you seen him during that time or had contact? Was the tracker from before?

How odd.

You're definitely better off without him.

I often think what do people think they will find with a tracker in a situation like this?
Oh look, Barbie has taken the kids to school.
Well I never, she went to Aldi.
Wow, she dropped in to see her friend.
Heavens above, she went to B&Q and then to the local tip.
At no point (from all you have said here) is he going to have a location and think - she will have gone dogging with Ken, then!
Absolutely pathetic.

I’d report that to the police and get it on record in case it escalates.

I was also wondering when he did it, must have been very recently if you only just got the notification. It's stalkerish behaviour and id also be reporting to the police.
Do your lights work properly where he attached the airtag? Check he hasn't actually damaged your car before you report!

You’re absolutely right. I live a really boring life; school run, work, call at home bargains for cleaning stuff, go for a run… but maybe that’s why he’s put it on? Because I’m so boring and routine based, it would be obvious if I deviated from it.

I think I’m going to take the morning off work tomorrow and take it to get checked at the garage.

I’m flinching every time I hear a car door slam and am edge like you wouldn’t believe.

Got someone coming to change all my locks just in case and some cameras should be delivered tomorrow fingers crossed.

I don't know where you are in the country but I could have come changed your locks if they're the slide in barrel ones.
Even a camera doorbell will help you feel safer. Hopefully! In the meantime, do you have a relative or friend who could stay? Or a big dog who would go ballistic if someone walked past the end of your path?
Hopefully your car will be okay, probably worth asking them to check for anything not factory fitted.