Cheating partner

[Sadmum41]

I have just found out over the past week last Monday tbh that my partner has been using Escorts from a site called adultwork. He has a full profile everything and as I’ve dug deeper I’ve found the messages back and forth. This has from what I can see been going on from middle of march. And the messages are quite something to read. He’s obviously a seasoned visitor as asking for her to be showered and no perfumes or smelly stuff please can’t have the stupid gf picking up on a scent she’s got a good sense of smell. We’ve been together 5 years and I am gutted beyond gutted how could he why could he. I find myself at the age of 50 not knowing what to do I can’t look at him as I’m disgusted but I can’t imagine life without him I adore the idiot. We’re not married so no big divorce but I don’t know if I can forgive him and u don’t want to have to start all over again. I need to speak to him but I don’t even know how to approach the subject with him it’s not like you can just come out and say I was messages on your iPad how ling you been going to hookers for? Any ideas suggestions or an escape plan would be very accepted xx

oh op I am so sorry. what a disgusting piece of shit he is. just keep putting one foot in front of the other, surround yourself with good friends and your lovely son and one day this will hurt that little bit less. the more threads I read on here the more disgusted I am by the amount of shitty men there are out there it's very depressing actually.

Hi OP. Thinking of you and hoping this bad time will pass soon. Keep on here if it helps - will check in to see how you are. In the meantime, big hug. You are doing great and it will get better.🌺

Thanks everyone I’m just taking it a day at a time that’s all I can do. I must’ve been a right shit in a past life to deserve the men that I’ve had in my life. There was another one just after my marriage failed but that’s a whole different story altogether so 3 main relationships in my life and they’re all bastards cheating lying freeloading narcissists . One is already rotting in hell the other one is marrying his swinger tart and that’s punishment enough and as for this one he’s no where to go as he gave up the flat to make a life with me but he’s just blown both our lives up difference is I’ve somewhere to live xx

Well—this is horrible but now you know that your dowsing rod for men is busted. Get into therapy or post on mumsnet and explore your method of picking (and discarding) men. Maybe there is something you should see but ignore early on. Maybe there is some moment of insult ir unhappiness you ignore? I don’t believe in past lives (wish I did) because it cuts you off from your own agency. You have choices ! You can refuse to accept these lowlives earlier in the process.

There is a theory about matching patterns. If you can, OP, get a copy of "You Can Heal your Life" by Louise Hay. She is brilliant. In it she describes how her early life and relationships were abusive and how it set up a "pattern" of expecting it. So when she met men whose pattern led them to abuse women, they clicked. The good news is she shows how to change the pattern. As she says, if she met one of these men now, they would pass right on by as she is no longer a fit for their abusive pattern. It is a really guide to healthier happier times and relationships🍀.

So he paid for sex. The women in those "massage institutes" are often traficked immigrants and always poor and desperate. I would have preferred my DH having a consentual meeting with random woman rather than exploitng a vulnerable one.

This is so disgusting I don't have words for it. He thinks it's OK to pay for sexual services so he's values are completely fucked up:
He thinks it's ok to:

• cheat on you
• pay for sex
• exploit a poor immigrant woman who doesn't have a choice in life but to do this (many have children in home country with GP that they send home money to while also paying the Mac who keeps their passport)

What else do you need to know? LTB now!

4 weeks on I’m still in shock and gutted, the vegas trip didn’t happen which I have mixed feelings about. My health has took a turn for the worse with my function hitting 9% just with all the upset not eating and not sleeping it’s taken its toll. I have got counselling through my work for someone to talk to to try and make sense of this it’s early days but Im feeling better by talking to her. I have also been keeping a notebook of my thoughts and feelings writing them all down sometimes this helps me just now it’s pouring out all my hurt and hatred. I just don’t understand why when he had a good woman at home who loved him why go pay randoms for a quick bj or shag.

It’s still early days and completely understandable that you’re still in shock - it’s genuinely shocking. Well done for journaling and getting it all out and counselling - keep going. 🌼

Ah OP it must be shit 😔…
You ask , why would he do something like this when he has a good woman who loves him at home .. He’s probably doing this since before he met you ..
It’s purely sex to him , gets to act out fantasy’s with them 🤷🏻‍♀️..
I know that doesn’t help make you feel better , obviously it’s nothing emotional or he wouldn’t be going to Escorts ..
Still a terrible betrayal obviously..
Hope you start to feel better soon x x

Because he could and wanted to. It’s nothing to do with you being a good woman. You could’ve been a saint and he would still have done it. And he will do it to the next woman and every woman. There’s something broken in HIM. That’s the problem. He thinks he can pay women to use their bodies and that’s acceptable. Gross. 🤮 He doesn’t see women are real people. He sees them as objects to be used for his own gratification. It might hurt now but in the long run you’ll be glad you didn’t end up with someone like that.

Utterly ridiculous

How you doing op x

Ooh a trucker ,wouldn't trust him at all ,you will get through this and in time you will see him for what he is ,tell him to get gone ,good luck to you my darling

I know this is an old thread but see you still come on now and again .
Same happened to a colleague , her oh was a trucker as well , turned out he gave her hepatitis , she ended up in hospital very very ill , so hope you got tested as you say you were going to .

@Sadmum41I know you are having a terrible time following this discovery and how your life has done a 360 flip in the most hurtful and disgusting way, I just wanted to add that whilst this feels like the worst year of your life, I feel this is the start of the rest of your life. You’ve been a loyal faithful partner, and that he didn’t deserve you. You’re now free of being cheated on and used, this is the next chapter of your whole life, and I hope it’s a good one for you x

I used to work in a truck stop cafe so I know exactly what their like bloody assholes

Give yourself some time to collect yourself together. It’s been a huge devastating shock, and you are in no place for making any decisions- aside from immediately getting an STD test.
What you have found out fundamentally changes your whole relationship. Sadly, he will continue to behave like this. And when he is away, you will spend that time tormenting yourself about what he is doing. I think when you have given yourself a second to wrap your head around this, you will realise how awful a prospect that is. And the long term damage it will do to your health and well being.
Easy for me to say, but I’d probably take someone else on the holiday. Someone really trusted who can be a shoulder to lean on.
50 is only young. You have a lot of life left ahead of you, that you don’t deserve to spend riddled with anxiety about some man cheating on you. Much better to cut all ties as soon as possible and put all your effort into moving your life forward.
All of this is on him, you’re in no way responsible for his choices x

I’m literally going crazy. I have no idea how I’m feeling, just keep replaying the conversation over in my head! Beyond mad at him!

Background- been with partner on and off for 33 years but back together for 10 year straight! No infidelity! Partner goes to a family funeral in another country, he has lots of family flying in from his home country and other countries for the funeral so the family homes are quite busy with aunts and cousins etc. Anyway on a video call with him, he mentioned that he has to share his bed with a female for 2 nights (she lives in the country he went to), I asked who was the female and he explain that it was a cousins adopted daughter (not an official adoption just was taken in by his cousin at a young age) female is now a grown lady in her 50s (just a bit younger than him) he has known her from they were kids and he said they used to play together when they were small! Then he goes on to say that she moved to a different part of the country and had 3 kids herself, he then said he asked her “how comes you moved and had 3 kids but never gave me nothing” and her reply was “you never told me you was interested, you went back to your country, if you was interested why didn’t you call” I now feel that at some point over the time they must of been interested in each other for them to have that conversation and they have now made it clear to each other they were! Friends think I’m being silly and have said if that was the case he wouldn’t have told me about the conversation! And they think he was just bantering as he is a wind up kinda guy! I’ve feel like I should ask questions. 1. Who was there when this was said, as if it was in front of his family it’s disrespectful as they know we’re together and I talk to them all. 2. Was it just said between him and the female? If so where? As they shared a bed for two nights, I’m now crashing out that something may have happened with them sharing a bed.

I messaged him and said “I don’t get why he was comfortable to tell me about sharing a bed and the conversation between him and this female, he sent back 😂 a laughing face. I’m now not talking to him unless I really have to, even then my tone is cold and I come off the phone as soon as possible, but he is being his normal self.

What’s everyone’s take on this? Thank you!

Id say I've thought about this for a while but I can't put off telling you ... your sexual performance isn't up to snuff, maybe because youre a bit small, who knows ... anyway it's over and out for me!

@Tired26, it’s best that you start your own thread and we can help you there.

omg I thought I deleted this as I realised it was on someone else’s post! I have started my own thread as well but now can’t delete this comment.