How to split cost of Center Parcs with partner

[MidnightMummy]

I am hoping to gain some outside perspective as my partner and I can't agree! We are planning on taking my two children to Center Parcs in the summer holidays. The cost of a 2 bed lodge is £1449 regardless of numbers. The cheapest way one person could visit it to stay in a hotel room for £549 (or £699 with self-catering facilities). He won't have been in the kids lives for long by that point but we have been seeing each other for over a year. How much should we each be paying?

This, especially if they’ll have to see their mum in bed with him.

I’d rethink this.

This, especially if they’ll have to see their mum in bed with him.

I’d rethink this.

Maybe it would be better for you to pay the £1449 in full @MidnightMummy and for him to pay the £549 to have a basic room on-site. That way he is being introduced more slowly to your kids, he can spend a lot of daytimes and mealtimes with you but can go back to his room so that he isn't with you 24h/d which might well be too much for the kids who don't really know him very well yet.

I doubt he’d choose Centre Parcs as a single bloke or if dating someone without kids. He is joining you on your family holiday. £549 maximum.

Absolutely this!!

This isn’t going to be a holiday for him as much as you might think otherwise. There is nothing fun about being on a holiday that is focused on children when the children aren’t even your own.

I bet he’s secretly hoping that you’ll leave him behind and that’s why he’s only offering to pay 1/4.

I agree with his 1/4 offering though.

I think she posted they’ve decided he won’t be joining them? Good decision all round imho. For him and the kids especially

No doubt he’s sighing in relief 🤣

Definitely! In fact I think my own kids should be subsidising me taking them to center parcs 😂

This

He does want to come on the holiday so that's why I am struggling with the quarter as it feels like I'm massively subsiding his holiday.

Interesting because if he pays a third he would be subsiding you and your children's holiday. Your starting position sounds like you think he should be paying more than his fair share.

To update:
As mentioned we are no longer going on the holiday as a four.

To clarify as I don't think I explained well enough - this wasn't my holiday and I was inviting him along we had decided together that we would book a CP trip (including my children). We were originally planning on going to a European park and he had actually done much of the leg work in pricing up the different locations and travel options. Clearly our mistake was not discussing the finances beforehand as I wouldn't have been looking at such a trip with a 25/75 split.

He had actually compromised on a 1/3 2/3 split but I said we shouldn't go anymore as 1) he'd be paying more than he wanted to / thought he should and 2) I don't feel great about the whole situation.

He has previously said that he sees me and my kids as a package, but in reality that isn't the case - and that's OK.

Contrary to popular opinion he is disappointed we aren't going together anymore and actually did want to come on the trip.

I am not being grabby hence planning to go solo and pay 100%. Fundamentally until we feel more of a combined unit I don't think we should be going away together.

Sounds like a sensible decision, though I’m sure you feel sad about it.

He can see you and your kids as a package deal and not want to pay towards them at the same time.

He was willing to go away with you and your kids. This is him seeing you as a package deal. He was making the effort to spend time with them and bond.

You saying until you’re more of a combined unit you don’t think you should be going away together….how are you going to become a combined unit unless you spend time together to bond. You can do this without him having to fork out and pay towards your kids.

One day in the future when he’s their step dad and you’re combining finances yes he could pay towards your trips together in a more 50/50 split but 100% for this one you should have been willing to cover 3/4 as you are the one bringing 3/4 of the people.

What part of any of OPs post gives you the impression he is being considered as a step dad? That didn’t even come across as that not even slightly. Just because a mum has a bf it doesn’t instantly make them a step dad…. Actions do that

I think you are being sensible OP. No one has done anything terrible but the vibe would be unlikely to be good if the trip started with a mismatch of expectations over money.

He can book the hotel for £549/£699. You pay for the lodge & go with your 2 children. It’s too soon for your children to share accommodation with your partner.

I agree with this - would be overwhelming for the children as well as your partner. Why don’t you just plan a nice day trip if you feel the need for him to be involved in your children’s life so early? It’s been a year and you both obviously don’t know each other very well after this financial disagreement. You should work out if you are compatible long term before he starts going on holiday with your dc.

‘Seeing you and your kids as a package’ doesn’t actually mean that he should pay for them op!! It means to accept that if he has a relationship with you, that your kids are part of that.
You ARE being grabby. These are YOUR children, you pay for them, not him.

I expect he didn’t mention finances for the European trips as it wouldn’t have crossed his mind that you expected him to pay for your kids.