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Original poster

Talking to someone on a dating app and they said these things?

61 replies

Treasy · 09/04/2025 08:27

Talking to a lovely person on a dating app, hoping to meet next week.
they have said a number of things along the lines of being very passive….”I don’t tend to have many emotions” “I don’t have strong opinions about anything” “I don’t think much about what’s going on in the world/news but that sounds awful” (when I pointed out a world crisis that I feel strongly about as they asked me about a strong view I have)

what would you think about this if it was you?

OP posts:
millymoo1202 · 09/04/2025 08:29

I’d think they were dull and didn’t have much going on but I’m 53 depends on ages I suppose

Iwilladmit · 09/04/2025 08:29

It doesn’t matter what we think. What do you think?

Happyinarcon · 09/04/2025 08:30

They might just want a quiet life and not get drawn into any fierce arguments over media generated narratives. I can relate, I don’t watch the news and don’t really want to hear about whether or not Elon is a Nazi for instance.

Original poster
Treasy · 09/04/2025 08:33

Happyinarcon · 09/04/2025 08:30

They might just want a quiet life and not get drawn into any fierce arguments over media generated narratives. I can relate, I don’t watch the news and don’t really want to hear about whether or not Elon is a Nazi for instance.

Possibly yeah. But to say they don’t have strong emotions either, that’s just how you feel rather than what you’re interested in.
and they always added “you’re not gonna get mad at me if I don’t have much to say about things are you?”

OP posts:
Zombella · 09/04/2025 08:34

I would think they have no curiosity about things.

Original poster
Treasy · 09/04/2025 08:34

And im not very political myself but can recognise injustice etc

OP posts:
Original poster
Treasy · 09/04/2025 08:41

Also, we are both women

OP posts:
Icanttakethisanymore · 09/04/2025 08:42

I’m a very ‘interested’ person so this would be a hard no from me.

StumbleInTheDebris · 09/04/2025 08:43

“you’re not gonna get mad at me if I don’t have much to say about things are you?”

Nooooo that's so passive- aggressive!

Shirtless · 09/04/2025 08:43

I would think they were the human equivalent of magnolia paint and move on quickly.

financialcareerstuff · 09/04/2025 08:44

Iwilladmit · 09/04/2025 08:29

It doesn’t matter what we think. What do you think?

Is this really meant to be useful?

sorry, but it comes across as totally inane and mean.

A. This entire place is a forum to ask for opinions. It wouldn’t exist without that. you expect her to come onto an opinion board, start a thread, and just say ‘this is what I think but nothing anyone else says matters?’ That would be a shite thread.

B. It would also show arrogance. It is actually a good quality to be willing to listen to other perspectives and be open to opinions.

C. You seem to be implicitly suggesting OP can’t think for herself, is weak minded, and needs your Sarcastic coaching to grow a spine. It actually takes a lot of courage to post on these forums and be willing to get input. And even the content of her post suggests she has strong opinions about things… the courage to post silly one liners on these forums on the other hand- not so much.

TennesseeStella · 09/04/2025 08:50

I wouldn't want to date someone like this, she sounds a bit pathetic. Someone who doesn't even follow the news wouldn't be someone I could hold a conversation with for very long.

Daydreamingforever · 09/04/2025 08:56

financialcareerstuff · 09/04/2025 08:44

Is this really meant to be useful?

sorry, but it comes across as totally inane and mean.

A. This entire place is a forum to ask for opinions. It wouldn’t exist without that. you expect her to come onto an opinion board, start a thread, and just say ‘this is what I think but nothing anyone else says matters?’ That would be a shite thread.

B. It would also show arrogance. It is actually a good quality to be willing to listen to other perspectives and be open to opinions.

C. You seem to be implicitly suggesting OP can’t think for herself, is weak minded, and needs your Sarcastic coaching to grow a spine. It actually takes a lot of courage to post on these forums and be willing to get input. And even the content of her post suggests she has strong opinions about things… the courage to post silly one liners on these forums on the other hand- not so much.

Show quote history

Disagree

it’s a valid point

PsychoHotSauce · 09/04/2025 08:58

She could have met someone previously who liked to suck people into 'debates' and was combative so might be pre-emptively shutting that down. She shouldn't really be bringing baggage like that to potential new relationships though. It's ok to decide that sort of personality isn't for you (and hell, it's really tedious to deal with), but to lay it all out before you've even met the person is odd. It's sort of controlling because even if/though you're not like that, you'll be checking yourself and moderating what you say in case you come across like that. She's set a certain bar for YOU to meet, whilst saying she's good as she is with no hoops for herself to jump through.

I don't like that she's set the stage for what she doesn't want and won't deal with - because essentially she's saying don't do xyz from the off. You haven't even met ffs. It's a much better approach to keep quiet about your personal 'no thanks' personality traits and see IF the other person has them naturally, surely??

Catapultaway · 09/04/2025 09:00

What do you think makes him a lovely person? I'm not saying he's not. And if you think he is then why wouldn't you meet up and find out.

Lighteningstrikes · 09/04/2025 09:00

No, she sounds extremely numb and it would be exhausting.

Original poster
Treasy · 09/04/2025 09:00

I’ve dated people like this before but it’s something that has shown itself over time not something they’ve usually announced before we met.
she asked me for an example of something I feel strongly about and I said well just at the basic level I’m very much against racism, homophobia so wouldn’t entertain anyone who was passive about those things and she said it wasn’t something she had given much thought to. Then I said about a much bigger topical issue at the moment in the news and she said she didn’t know much about it

OP posts:
Original poster
Treasy · 09/04/2025 09:02

Catapultaway · 09/04/2025 09:00

What do you think makes him a lovely person? I'm not saying he's not. And if you think he is then why wouldn't you meet up and find out.

Who?

OP posts:
Shirtless · 09/04/2025 09:03

financialcareerstuff · 09/04/2025 08:44

Is this really meant to be useful?

sorry, but it comes across as totally inane and mean.

A. This entire place is a forum to ask for opinions. It wouldn’t exist without that. you expect her to come onto an opinion board, start a thread, and just say ‘this is what I think but nothing anyone else says matters?’ That would be a shite thread.

B. It would also show arrogance. It is actually a good quality to be willing to listen to other perspectives and be open to opinions.

C. You seem to be implicitly suggesting OP can’t think for herself, is weak minded, and needs your Sarcastic coaching to grow a spine. It actually takes a lot of courage to post on these forums and be willing to get input. And even the content of her post suggests she has strong opinions about things… the courage to post silly one liners on these forums on the other hand- not so much.

Show quote history

No, I think that poster has a point. People find different things unattractive. What the OP describes would make me tear my hair out within five minutes, and conclude the person was possibly dead and hadn’t noticed, but some people might be fine with emotionless, opinionless people who don’t engage with world events. It doesn’t matter what I think. I couldn’t be attracted to someone who used textspeak or emojis, for instance. Poor SPAG is a total no for me. That wouldn’t bother others.

Chocchips123 · 09/04/2025 09:05

Treasy · 09/04/2025 08:27

Talking to a lovely person on a dating app, hoping to meet next week.
they have said a number of things along the lines of being very passive….”I don’t tend to have many emotions” “I don’t have strong opinions about anything” “I don’t think much about what’s going on in the world/news but that sounds awful” (when I pointed out a world crisis that I feel strongly about as they asked me about a strong view I have)

what would you think about this if it was you?

Neurodiverse....

AtomicBlondeRose · 09/04/2025 09:07

I dunno, I’m interested in politics and world events but I don’t really want to discuss them. I used to, but I feel like it gets you stuck in a very negative world view (because so much of what’s going on is shit!) and you just end up saying the same stuff over and over again. What’s new to be said about any of it at this point? So maybe she’s like that. We have so little influence over world events or politics that you end up just shouting at the walls basically. Doesn’t mean I don’t care but it’s a bit of a waste of emotional energy to get caught up in stuff that I can’t control or change.

senua · 09/04/2025 09:08

I’ve dated people like this before
It's unfair to write her off based on other people's actions.
Go on the date. What's the worst that could happen?

Onelifeonly · 09/04/2025 09:11

Treasy · 09/04/2025 08:33

Possibly yeah. But to say they don’t have strong emotions either, that’s just how you feel rather than what you’re interested in.
and they always added “you’re not gonna get mad at me if I don’t have much to say about things are you?”

Show quote history

She's not selling herself, is she? I'd think she'd be passive and boring, but you could always meet to find out if she has other qualities you like.

PsychoHotSauce · 09/04/2025 09:12

Treasy · 09/04/2025 09:00

I’ve dated people like this before but it’s something that has shown itself over time not something they’ve usually announced before we met.
she asked me for an example of something I feel strongly about and I said well just at the basic level I’m very much against racism, homophobia so wouldn’t entertain anyone who was passive about those things and she said it wasn’t something she had given much thought to. Then I said about a much bigger topical issue at the moment in the news and she said she didn’t know much about it

Well wait. It's such a weird question she asked!! 'Tell me something you feel strongly about' and then she goes, well I don't know much about that, I don't think about racism/homophobia much.

But there IS something she feels strongly about. That her potential partners don't have strong views about anything!? She feels strongly enough that she asked an unavoidably contentious question before you've even met - and it's a question that traps you. You can't really win unless you say 'Oh I don't feel anything about anything ever' - but then you set yourself up to fail that you can never display any anger or upset at anything.

She's doing my head in and I've never spoken to her!

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 09/04/2025 09:18

I would wait until you have met before making a final judgement. You might find that she is just very attractive, or pleasant or you ‘click’, or you might find the way she drinks her coffee disgusting.

All this pre-screening is no doubt very useful , but it’s no substitute for half an hour in someone’s company (unless you have such strong political or religious affiliations that meeting is pointless , but isn’t that declared before you start? 🤷🏼)

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