Talking to someone on a dating app and they said these things?

[Treasy]

Talking to a lovely person on a dating app, hoping to meet next week.
they have said a number of things along the lines of being very passive….”I don’t tend to have many emotions” “I don’t have strong opinions about anything” “I don’t think much about what’s going on in the world/news but that sounds awful” (when I pointed out a world crisis that I feel strongly about as they asked me about a strong view I have)

what would you think about this if it was you?

I’m trying to imagine how much of a total bombshell they would have to be before I could contemplate spending an hour with someone who self-described as emotionless, without strong opinions, and disengaged from world affairs.

Sounds to me like you enjoy a fiery debate and she… doesn’t. This could be a serious compatibility issue or it might not, you’ll only know if you meet her in person. Tbh, she might well not want to be drawn into discussing what she might see as “contentious issues” (I appreciate you don’t see them as controversial, but I’m just trying to imagine her position). I wouldn’t discuss politics with someone over text either - most things require some nuance and a lot of knowledge to do justice to them, and that’s lost on text. Date her until you hate her is my view.

Are you sure this really is a woman you're talking to? I ask, as a lesbian, because dating apps are packed with men pretending to be women looking for women, and if a bloke thinks that women aren't interested in current affairs and aren't dynamic he may be saying these things in order to try to convince you that he is female.

I'm a lesbian and I organise social events etc for lesbians. By which I mean same-sex attracted women. I'm increasingly aware of how high the prevalence of ND is among lesbians, particularly young lesbians. I'm encountering an awful lot of extremely introverted and probably autistic younger women who want relationships but don't like to talk much and seem to have difficulties around socialising and communicating.

Personally I wouldn't be at all interested in someone with no opinions or interest in the world. What are you going to talk about when you're alone together? But maybe you're a very quiet person too, in which case follow the dating rules: meet for a coffee (nothing longer than half an hour) in a busy public place during daylight hours. Don't disclose personal information like your address or your employer in advance. Good luck finding someone.

Personally speaking, they sound weak and ineffectual. Not attractive traits for me. Someone with no strong emotions, no strong views, doesn't know much or will express much about anything from what you have written.

I’m very interested in politics and world events, but would find a stranger bringing up a world crisis on a dating app before we had met as a bit of a crusader and not for me. I think she has seen you bringing up this topic and tried to tell you she isn’t one to enjoy debates with their partner- which is fine.

I’d think this was a very bad start

If the person on the dating app is an adult gay/bi woman, I fail to see how she can have ‘not given much thought to homophobia’.

She apparently specifically asked OP for topics she was passionate about.

What makes this person ‘lovely’? Does she have any interests? What does she actually like to talk about? What have your conversations been about, thus far?

I didn’t bring it up and I’m not massively political or at all keen for a debate with anyone. She said outright she’s not opinionated and asked if I was, I said well it depends on what you mean really and she asked me a strong opinion I would hold and I said about the racism etc and said I couldn’t date someone who held opposing views on that. She asked if I was political and I said not really actively but I do follow what’s going on in the world and she said like what and I mentioned the thing I did. I’ve never had anyone ask me these things and I’ve certainly never brought them up myself

I’d assume they meant football or tennis or the environment 😂

No it was in the context or politics and activism which I’m not really even involved in so I had to actually stop and think about things I would feel strongly about

So you are women dating women - and she has no opinion on homophobia? Has she just never encountered it, do you think or does she genuinely not care? Maybe you could go in with that angle? How would she like to live in a country where it's illegal?

If she has really and truly no opinion at all on something which might affect her so fundamentally, then I'd bin her off because she is so superficial that it's going to mean never having a conversation that doesn't end in 'whatever you want to do, whatever you like, dear'.

She is a gay woman yes, I’m not thinking she’s a man

I also wonder if she's been scarred before by a highly vocal SJW who wants to change the world and is determined to win everybody around to their way of thinking; when she just sees herself as an ordinary person living an ordinary life and isn't interested in being refashioned as a global trailblazer.

At the end of the day, we ordinary people can have as many passionate opinions on politics and how the world should be run as we like, but how many of us are going to actually change anything, rather than just venting and basically shouting into the wind?

This^
it was a very odd approach, it’s like she is trying to put you off from the start.

I’m not interested in being a trailblazer either at all but just unusual for someone to say up front they have no emotions or opinions as I’m sure everyone does

You seem to be arguing that women shouldn't learn from experience. The person the OP is talking to online describes themselves as lacking feelings. One of the main indicators of psychopathy is a lack of feelings. OP has picked up on this, because it's not what most people would consider conducive to a healthy relationship. And she's quite right to do so, because a lack of curiosity and interest in the world could, at worst, be indicators of severe psychological issues. At best — well, this person could merely be very dull and boring.

What's the worst that could happen if she went on a date with this person? They're a stranger she's met online so there's no end to the possibilities. Which is why she needs to be careful.

I'm not suggesting that you are; but she may have been stung by other people who were before and has developed a defence mechanism to deter anybody who may potentially be of that ilk from the outset!

In which case she's a poor communicator because all she's done is raise all kinds of questions in OP's mind!

I would find out what she is interested in before making a decision. She could be interesting, lots of fun and passionate about other things. I don’t particularly talk about politics and I don’t watch the news though I try to keep up with things that are happening in the world but for my own mental health and well-being I try not to spend too much time on certain topics. I still have many interests though..

Very probably. Not everybody is highly skilled at communicating effectively. We can't all be good at everything.

Jesus, she sounds utterly banal! I just can’t see how anyone would find this empty vessel an attractive prospect 🤷‍♀️

I'd think exactly the same about obsessive football fans who go everywhere dressed like the players and talk and think about nothing else... but millions of other people up and down the country would doubtless believe me to be the boring one!