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Original poster

He is paying her mortgage and paying for holidays

51 replies

Linda409 · 08/04/2025 21:39

When I met my partner he was separated. He is still separated. We have been together for a year. His wife is still living in the marital home. He is paying the mortgage. He said he would put the house on the market in December. Now he says June. He says he feels bad for leaving her so he doesn’t want to hurt her any more. I have seen her pics on Facebook. So far this year she has been to Dubai and Italy. She only has a part time, pin money job. Am I right to suspect that he is funding these trips. She has not met anyone new - girly holidays she says.

OP posts:
Diarygirlqueen · 08/04/2025 22:04

It's none of your business.

Orangesinthebag · 08/04/2025 22:10

Diarygirlqueen · 08/04/2025 22:04

It's none of your business.

First post nails it as they say.

abracadabra1980 · 08/04/2025 22:11

Christ on a bike - why are his marital finances anything to do with you at this stage in your relationship? Have a heart.

kidditsonyou · 08/04/2025 22:24

Do they have kids together?
if they do I can understand him paying if not then I think it’s ridiculous but I wouldn’t ask him to stop I just wouldn’t want to be with someone who either wanted to or couldn’t say no to still doing that for his ex

SmoothEncounter · 08/04/2025 22:26

Are you living together and he’s not meeting his share of bills?

Otherwise I’m afraid you can’t get involved. However I’d be rethinking a relationship with someone who obviously isn’t over his ex.

kidditsonyou · 08/04/2025 22:26

abracadabra1980 · 08/04/2025 22:11

Christ on a bike - why are his marital finances anything to do with you at this stage in your relationship? Have a heart.

Because she’s the one who is actually in a relationship with this man?

Fadesto · 08/04/2025 22:26

I don’t think you can date someone who’s still married and not expect it to be messy.
He is a married man and for whatever reason they are still very involved and intertwined, that is too much baggage for me personally.

DorothyStorm · 08/04/2025 22:31

Agreed with pp. None of your business.

He left his wife when? No attempts to divorce at all? Do they have children? where does he live now?

not sure you can date a married man and call him your partner…

RentalWoesNotFun · 08/04/2025 23:05

I dated one of those.

He gave her multiple thousands a month so she could continue sit on her lazy arse and not work. Meanwhile he had no money left for himself or to do stuff as a couple with me. Despite us both working.

He ended up buying her a flat solely in her name and walked away with literally just the clothes on his back and a work van. She got the entire contents of the marital house. And told anyone including his friends what a bastard he was.

As others have said it’s not your business, however his life choices affect you, his new partner, so don’t be afraid to walk if you feel you can’t sit by and watch him sacrifice your joint future for a lazy woman from his past who is carefully manipulating him and is ripping the piss right out of the poor stupid guilt ridden bastard.

He will realise in a few years what’s happened but it’ll be too late and he will only have his clothes as she’ll have hoovered up every bean he ever had.

AnneLovesGilbert · 08/04/2025 23:09

Split up and tell him to call you when he’s divorced and their finances are sorted. Do they have kids?

GildedRage · 08/04/2025 23:12

you do realize that other than him, the ex has extended family and her parents might very well be assisting to support her.

not to mention if you don't work ft, you can choose low fare days to travel.

you sound jealous just leave him.

Youcanpayit · 08/04/2025 23:15

How does it affect you?

Work, friends, family, universal credit, saving up, being frugal, good deals...

There's a load of ways her holidays could be funded.

But how does it have anything to do with you?

Nameftgigb · 08/04/2025 23:15

Do they have kids? Who left who? Tbh you’ve got into this relationship knowing the circumstances. You can’t complain a year on and demand he does something else with his money

Pigeonqueen · 08/04/2025 23:16

You have absolutely NO idea how she’s funding anything. She might be selling foot pics on only fans or whatever else. Just keep out of it and if you can’t cope with that you shouldn’t be with him.

Newmattress · 08/04/2025 23:21

I find it bizarre how so many people are ok with dating married men. It doesn’t matter if he’s seperated or not. As pp said it’s way too messy. Wait until they’ve properly and officially/legally ended the marriage.

OP, it’s not for you to get involved. You knew he was married and yet you decided to try and make it work. I wouldn’t tolerate any of it for a second but you did agree to this.

If you decide it’s too much you should leave.

AnotherNaCha · 08/04/2025 23:23

Diarygirlqueen · 08/04/2025 22:04

It's none of your business.

Double this. You sound like an interfering gold-digger OP. I’d hate my ex to be with someone who thought like you!

Crisplet · 09/04/2025 00:04

Why are you stalking her holiday photos on Facebook and keeping track of where she’s been? Bit creepy.

notatinydancer · 09/04/2025 00:09

@Linda409it’s not ‘her’ mortgage, it’s their mortgage. If he doesn’t pay it his house will be repossessed HTH

Subwaystop · 09/04/2025 02:07

Totally disagree with pp. if he has no kids with her then he put himself out as available but might still be very much attached to her. It’s worth asking yourself if he’s truly available for a new relationship. Don’t know why pp are going after you for asking a year in why he didn’t move on as he said he would.

MoreChocPls · 09/04/2025 05:01

He sounds like hard work for you. Move on.

Never2many · 09/04/2025 05:30

I can tell you’re going to be one of those who complains that the ex is spending the CM on lavish holidays and hair appointments. Stalking the ex and complaining about what she does with her money is not an attractive trait.

He has no choice but to pay the mortgage because if he doesn’t the house will be repossessed. Also December is a crap time to put the house on the market, they’re far more likely to sell it in June.

As for her going on holidays, that is literally none of her business, and you are purely assuming that he’s paying for them when you know nothing of the sort.

Did he leave her for you by any chance?

Never2many · 09/04/2025 05:32

none of your business. Wouldn’t let me edit/

Pickedupsomethingsuss · 09/04/2025 05:33

Butt out
not your business
let me guess, he has children with her that you’ve neglected to mention

Pickedupsomethingsuss · 09/04/2025 05:34

Is this the same partner who Thing is he still meets up with his ex wife every month or so. He says this is for the sake of the children, both in their 20’s and one of whom has bi polar

singlewhitetrashheap · 09/04/2025 05:54

Until he is divorced, you are his bit on the side by the looks of things. Get rid.