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Original poster

He is paying her mortgage and paying for holidays

51 replies

Linda409 · 08/04/2025 21:39

When I met my partner he was separated. He is still separated. We have been together for a year. His wife is still living in the marital home. He is paying the mortgage. He said he would put the house on the market in December. Now he says June. He says he feels bad for leaving her so he doesn’t want to hurt her any more. I have seen her pics on Facebook. So far this year she has been to Dubai and Italy. She only has a part time, pin money job. Am I right to suspect that he is funding these trips. She has not met anyone new - girly holidays she says.

OP posts:
orangegato · 09/04/2025 05:55

Blown away by so many posters insinuation they wouldn’t care if their partner bankrolled their ex?

I call bullshit. Weird set up and I’d have nothing to do with him until he ACTUALLY separated, ie emotionally financially everything.

Sounds either in love with her or a weak pathetic doormat, doesn’t matter which really.

AsktheMoon · 09/04/2025 06:01

Diarygirlqueen · 08/04/2025 22:04

It's none of your business.

Such a rude and disrespectful post. Typical of an MN

ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself · 09/04/2025 06:04

She only has a part time, pin money job

I mean this kindly…..

What does that matter to you?

LillyPJ · 09/04/2025 06:06

He can pay the mortgage, send her all his money, do as he likes... It's nothing to do with you.

HomeTheatreSystem · 09/04/2025 06:11

You're dating a still married man whose finances with his wife are none of your business. Once he's divorced and the marital finances are settled then that's another story. Be grateful he's someone who treats his STBEX well: it may be you one day.

Pickedupsomethingsuss · 09/04/2025 06:34

AsktheMoon · 09/04/2025 06:01

Such a rude and disrespectful post. Typical of an MN

Show quote history

What are you on about @AsktheMoon

perfect response!

ShriekingTrespasser · 09/04/2025 06:36

does he still live in the marital home?

Never2many · 09/04/2025 08:44

orangegato · 09/04/2025 05:55

Blown away by so many posters insinuation they wouldn’t care if their partner bankrolled their ex?

I call bullshit. Weird set up and I’d have nothing to do with him until he ACTUALLY separated, ie emotionally financially everything.

Sounds either in love with her or a weak pathetic doormat, doesn’t matter which really.

But nobody knows that she’s being bankrolled by her ex. The OP has assumed this based on her sneering comment that “she has a part time job and earns pin money.”

He’s paying the mortgage which isn’t bankrolling. It’s his house, and his debt, and he’s responsible for it if he doesn’t want a bad credit rating in future.

As for the rest, she may have been saving into an escape fund for years. She may be getting support from her family. Nobody actually knows, and the OP is purely making assumptions.

Dweetfidilove · 09/04/2025 09:24

orangegato · 09/04/2025 05:55

Blown away by so many posters insinuation they wouldn’t care if their partner bankrolled their ex?

I call bullshit. Weird set up and I’d have nothing to do with him until he ACTUALLY separated, ie emotionally financially everything.

Sounds either in love with her or a weak pathetic doormat, doesn’t matter which really.

He's a married man with financial responsibilities to his wife and possibly children (the OP hasn't responded on that point). Until such time as he's successfully extricated himself from those responsibilities, it's up to him what he does/doesn't pay for.

I agree the OP should have nothing to do with him though. Too much baggage.

CopperWhite · 09/04/2025 09:28

Why does it matter if he did pay for those things? They are still married so still tied up together financially.

If you’re still with him 5 years post divorce, living with you and he wants to pay for her to go to Dubai, then you can complain.

category12 · 09/04/2025 09:44

Someone's got to pay the mortgage while they're still married and own the house together.

Is he living with you?

GCAcademic · 09/04/2025 09:46

You're dating a married man and you're surprised he's still in a financial relationship with her?

AlwaysPerfumed · 09/04/2025 10:53

ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself · 09/04/2025 06:04

She only has a part time, pin money job

I mean this kindly…..

What does that matter to you?

I imagine it matters because OP wants to be the one sat on on her arse with a part time pin money job, with the mortgage and holidays paid for by somebody else.

Sofiewoo · 09/04/2025 10:55

Presumably he’s continuing to pay for the house because it’s an asset still in his name and he has a financial obligation. You don’t just move out and have no responsibility to your mortgaged home.
Does he have children?

ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself · 09/04/2025 10:58

AlwaysPerfumed · 09/04/2025 10:53

I imagine it matters because OP wants to be the one sat on on her arse with a part time pin money job, with the mortgage and holidays paid for by somebody else.

Show quote history

Count me in too, I’m definitely on that team!

Icanttakethisanymore · 09/04/2025 11:47

Being with someone who is not divorced or financially independent from their ex is difficult, I would imagine. If you are struggling with it then I think the best thing you can do is to leave him. This is the thin end of the wedge. You either need to block it out or leave, otherwise you will make yourself miserable.

Original poster
Linda409 · 09/04/2025 15:02

No, it’s not the same man as the one who still goes on holiday with his ex.
No they don’t have children together.
I have looked at her pics as I have low self esteem. She is blonde and gorgeous and I torture myself . I get that that is my problem but he is a wonderful man andI don’t think I deserve him. I’m almost 60 for Gods sake. If I waited much longer for someone with absolutely no baggage, I might be dead.
I will put up and shut up.

OP posts:
category12 · 09/04/2025 15:13

Linda409 · 09/04/2025 15:02

No, it’s not the same man as the one who still goes on holiday with his ex.
No they don’t have children together.
I have looked at her pics as I have low self esteem. She is blonde and gorgeous and I torture myself . I get that that is my problem but he is a wonderful man andI don’t think I deserve him. I’m almost 60 for Gods sake. If I waited much longer for someone with absolutely no baggage, I might be dead.
I will put up and shut up.

But he's with you, so what she looks like wasn't enough to keep them together.

You don't have to put up with this endlessly - there should be a natural end point, when their divorce comes through. Assuming he is pursuing a divorce.

If he's not divorcing, I would be very concerned as you can't move your relationship forward and their financial ties will affect you and any future plans as a couple.

AnotherNaCha · 09/04/2025 15:23

It’s EARLY in your relationship. He’s had I’m presuming a lifetime with her. I’d be really happy he’s doing the right thing by her. Bodes well for you.

Anyonefoundmysparesock · 09/04/2025 15:24

This has zero to do with you.

Are you the OW?

Stay out of their business. If you dont like it, dont date married men.

Newmattress · 09/04/2025 21:29

Linda409 · 09/04/2025 15:02

No, it’s not the same man as the one who still goes on holiday with his ex.
No they don’t have children together.
I have looked at her pics as I have low self esteem. She is blonde and gorgeous and I torture myself . I get that that is my problem but he is a wonderful man andI don’t think I deserve him. I’m almost 60 for Gods sake. If I waited much longer for someone with absolutely no baggage, I might be dead.
I will put up and shut up.

That’s quite sad, OP. I understand it’s easier said than done to walk away and realistically speaking you (or anyone) don’t know if they’ll find someone else ‘better’ that they connect with, but I think every woman deserves better than a married man.

Farmwifefarmlife · 09/04/2025 21:54

Linda409 · 09/04/2025 15:02

No, it’s not the same man as the one who still goes on holiday with his ex.
No they don’t have children together.
I have looked at her pics as I have low self esteem. She is blonde and gorgeous and I torture myself . I get that that is my problem but he is a wonderful man andI don’t think I deserve him. I’m almost 60 for Gods sake. If I waited much longer for someone with absolutely no baggage, I might be dead.
I will put up and shut up.

It’s odd if they have no children together to still be paying the mortgage I presume it’s a joint mortgage so he will get his % once it’s sold.

FirefIy · 09/04/2025 22:15

The financial arrangement between your boyfriend and his wife is none of your concern.

There’s a reason women tend to not get involved to men who are legally married to someone else.

HomeTheatreSystem · 10/04/2025 05:26

House sale plans sound odd. No one (in the UK) puts their house on the market in December nor in June when everyone's about to go off on holiday meaning September is the earliest you can expect decent numbers of viewings which makes it tight to be sold and in their new home before Christmas.

winter8090 · 10/04/2025 05:46

By him continuing to financially support the ex wife there is no room in his life for someone new because he is still tied to her. By continuing to fund her lifestyle there is still a connection there that you would expect to be broken upon separation or shortly thereafter.
If there were children it would be different but there aren’t.
I understand why the OP is upset.