Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I asking for too much

77 replies

Coffeequeen123 · 07/04/2025 22:18

A guy got my number in a bar a few weeks ago and seemed really keen to be fair. We had 2 great dates, he was consistent with calls/texts and talked a lot about the future, such as a possible weekend break later this month! I’ve not slept with him yet FYI, I’m trying to steer clear of sleeping with men and it not becoming anything more.

he’s quite a bit older than me, seems to be pretty successful and been single a year. I wouldn’t usually date someone so much older but I was genuinely attracted to him.

anyway last Sunday we had arranged a third date to go for a walk and roast, but he didn’t ring me and the following day said he’d fell asleep!? I gave him the benefit of the doubt and didn’t make a fuss.

he came round to help me with something (manly job) on Tuesday for an hour before work, which I really appreciated and he absolutely insisted. We had dinner plans for Wednesday but he had to cancel as he forgot he was taking his kid to football. He asked me out for Thursday instead, so I agreed.

Thursday lunch time he rings me and we make loose plans to meet around 5ish, but said he would call when he finishes work. 5pm comes and I call him but no answer. He doesn’t ring me back or text all night, and not on Friday either. Very odd behaviour I thought, probably just a flaky person and I didn’t bother trying to contact him either.

Saturday comes round and I’m out with my friends and he texts me saying “you out?” , which I ignored as I thought that’s so cheeky and not even an apology! I turned up at my local pub and he’s sat there with 2 of his friends! My friend went over to say hello (she met him with me a few weeks ago) and I was pretty annoyed at that, and it was so frosty with us. We didn’t even look at each other, it was weird. Eventually he said sorry, that he’d got carried away with after work drinks on Thursday and felt so bad to cancel again that he just thought it would be best to ignore me instead and give me a few days to “cool off”! I gave him a piece of my mind and said that behaviour is totally rude and unacceptable in my book, not something I expect from anyone especially someone I’ve just started dating. A text to let me know he wasn’t coming would have been more appreciated.

he tried apologising and cracking on with me again but I just couldn’t forget it or put my face straight lol my friend was chatting away to his friend so I think she just wanted me to shut up and forgive him so we could have a good night, but I just felt awkward and weird. Eventually he said he was nipping to the loo…and he backdoored it and didn’t come back, leaving me sat with his friend and my friend! Not heard a dickybird from him since. Maybe he thinks I’m too much and he needs someone easy going who will put up with this kind of behaviour.

he’s just a bad, flaky guy isn’t he?

OP posts:
sassysaint99 · 07/04/2025 22:24

He’s a knob. He may be older but his very childish in his behaviour. You’ve had a lucky escape.

PleaseDontFingerMyPouffe · 07/04/2025 22:29

Anyone who has to try "cracking on" with you isn't worth the breath to dump them

suburberphobe · 07/04/2025 22:29

he forgot he was taking his kid to football.

Bullshit. I presume the football is on the same day every week?

And doing a runner from the pub?! Weirdo. You've had a lucky escape.

ruddygreattiger · 07/04/2025 22:31

Waste of space bloke who is full of shit, I hope you've blocked the twat.

Imbusytodaysorry · 07/04/2025 22:36

@Coffeequeen123 He is looking for no effort sex (booty call)

ohnowwhatcanitbe · 07/04/2025 22:47

It is as plain as the nose on your face. Not only does he have dc that he takes to football, I'd bet a pound to a penny he's got a wife/partner at home as well.

Ilovemeggy38 · 07/04/2025 22:48

Just how old are you both?
This is how me and my friends behaved in our VERY early twenties/ late teens.
It's beyond cringe in anyone older.

Coffeequeen123 · 07/04/2025 22:49

ohnowwhatcanitbe · 07/04/2025 22:47

It is as plain as the nose on your face. Not only does he have dc that he takes to football, I'd bet a pound to a penny he's got a wife/partner at home as well.

Well I’ve been in his home briefly and there were no signs, and he rang me every night whilst he was in bed?

OP posts:
Coffeequeen123 · 07/04/2025 22:49

Ilovemeggy38 · 07/04/2025 22:48

Just how old are you both?
This is how me and my friends behaved in our VERY early twenties/ late teens.
It's beyond cringe in anyone older.

I’m 30 he’s 45

OP posts:
Ilovemeggy38 · 07/04/2025 23:54

He is 45!!!!
Bloody hell OP, I thought you were talking about a late teen early twenties!
He is 45 !
He should be well into his life now and being able to handle relationships... bloody run .

Ilovemeggy38 · 07/04/2025 23:57

I mean, he is only five years away from his fifties!
If he is so ridiculously immature now there is no hope.
Men in their forties especially when they have had relationships that produced children shouldn't behave like him

ihatethongs · 08/04/2025 04:21

Ugh good riddance. You are not asking for too much and deep down you know that.
He is a child, and has no respect for you and probably every other woman who has been or will be in his life if he can’t even bothered to text you.
Forget it, good luck in future.

SpringIsSpringing25 · 08/04/2025 04:49

You're well rid!!

I know someone much older than him who will piss you right off and or upset you and then give you a couple of days 'to calm down/get over it' then expect you to just act like nothing happened when he calls you again. Apologising or not being a twat in the first place never seems to occurred to him.

Rainbowqueeen · 08/04/2025 04:53

Ew.

You're not asking too much. He's a dick

Fleetheart · 08/04/2025 04:58

he sounds an absolute twat, keep well away

Coffeequeen123 · 08/04/2025 10:22

Ilovemeggy38 · 07/04/2025 23:54

He is 45!!!!
Bloody hell OP, I thought you were talking about a late teen early twenties!
He is 45 !
He should be well into his life now and being able to handle relationships... bloody run .

Well he’s just come out of a very long relationship but yes I’m surprised in the way he’s “handled” these things

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 08/04/2025 10:29

You are well shot of him.

Do read Why does he do that? by Lundy Bancroft. It was his “you out?” comment that caused me to suggest this book to you. That was a big red flag and I am glad that you did not respond to him.

Coffeequeen123 · 08/04/2025 10:43

AttilaTheMeerkat · 08/04/2025 10:29

You are well shot of him.

Do read Why does he do that? by Lundy Bancroft. It was his “you out?” comment that caused me to suggest this book to you. That was a big red flag and I am glad that you did not respond to him.

Ok I’ve been recommended this book before. Why what does his text mean do you think? Is he testing my boundaries?

OP posts:
JustWalkingTheDogs · 08/04/2025 11:06

The trash took itself out the back door. Dodged a bullet there OP

AttilaTheMeerkat · 08/04/2025 11:42

Yes he was testing your boundaries. His you out comment was to me like why are you out at all without him?. You have indeed dodged a bullet here.

Coffeequeen123 · 08/04/2025 12:11

AttilaTheMeerkat · 08/04/2025 11:42

Yes he was testing your boundaries. His you out comment was to me like why are you out at all without him?. You have indeed dodged a bullet here.

He didn’t know I was out as it was a last minute thing anyway, think he was genuinely curious if I was out and maybe he could hook up with me. Think he was testing the waters to see if I was still mad at him

OP posts:
bigboykitty · 08/04/2025 12:14

You're asking far too little. He's a wasterman. I doubt he's single. You can do MUCH better!

AttilaTheMeerkat · 08/04/2025 12:15

Honestly he is not worth any more of your precious headspace.

supercali77 · 08/04/2025 12:17

Waste of space. Be glad you didn't waste any more time on him. Block and get on with your fabulous life 💅

Usernamen · 08/04/2025 12:23

Coffeequeen123 · 07/04/2025 22:49

I’m 30 he’s 45

What possessed you to get involved with a middle aged man with more baggage than Heathrow when you’re only 30?

Jesus Christ, raise your bar and start working on your self-worth.