I’ve been with my partner 15 months. The last 3 months have not been great with arguements every couple of weeks. We argue a lot because we can’t seem to get each others point of views.. or more so he can’t seem to get mine. The arguements last for days though and often take 2-3 days to resolve.
first big arguement was over me thinking to ask my ex partner who is my kids dad and owns half the house I live in still to fix and issue he’s qualified to fix. My DP didn’t like that and said it was disrespectful to allow my ex upstairs to fix it. I understood his point, But it was ok for him to go round and fix something in his kids house because it was downstairs. He literally said my lack of disregard was disgusting behaviour and he didn’t see me for 5 days and said he needed space.
few weeks after, he said he didn’t like that I was messaging my kids dad about them being unwell and felt it didn’t require 8 messages to inform them that my son was sick.
then this week he has made a big deal out of a joke and banter around me having time off work and loving working part time. My response was pull your finger out I’d love to work part time in the future, clean the house, cook meals and go to the gym whilst you’re at work. It was a joke… but I said equally if the opportunity arose of course I’d love it! His response was why should my Income support your lifestyle. I said ohh wouldn’t it be our Income (bearing in mind for this to even be possible it would be like 20 years down the line, living together, married) and he was like no.. and I said it doesn’t sound very partnership like and sounds very separate and he said you can’t work part time, if I’m working full time then so should you.
anyways that comment bothered me not over me working because I work and have a good career but it was more so he saw the future as HIS income and not approaching it very partner like.
anyways that comment bothered him that much he said he wanted some space to process the big things we don’t align on. Because he sees us as a partnership so me saying I’d love to work part time in the future bothered him…
so Friday night I go out and he’s out. I call him when I’m home for him to say he’s hurt that I drove past his house and didn’t come in, didn’t call or text? I said that he wanted space so I was respecting that… his response was that he felt rejected?? I said hang on a few weeks ago you wanted space from me cause I’d hurt your feelings over contemplating asking my ex for a favour.. I didn’t see that as rejection that’s me respecting your wishes … I’m now respecting your wishes for space and your hurt and rejected?
im sorry but I don’t know what I’m doing wrong here. Somethings starting to feel off to me about this behaviour but I don’t know if I’m to blame with my actions and comments and would really value some perspective
thanks