Online Dating - Which Are The Best Apps?

[Hollowoman]

Morning! Another beautiful day and I've no one to spend it with. I'm considering joining a dating app, but I don't know which one is best for someone like me (I'm 50). Also I don't want my ex husband to know anything about this, is it possible to block other users? I've been single for 10 years and am really not sure how to find someone special, but I do feel lonely. Any tips?

I'm afraid not, if I'm honest, I'm not sure I'd want anyone to know. If I did join up and actually meet someone, I would tell a friend his details, just for safetys sake.

I met my boyfriend of just over a year on a dating app. I decided I wanted to start dating again and found him after 2 weeks. I did work hard on trying to find someone though, I paid for the subscription, churned through profiles, made sure to message everyone.

Anything that was a slight no for me I unmatched with, on the basis that I didn’t want to find just anyone. So if I sent a message and just got a “hi” back, then I unmatched, if they had cats, if they had kids- you name it, if thought- “they are nice, but…” then they were a no.

Met a few nice guys for coffee, but if I thought it wouldn’t work then left it at that. As I said 2 weeks in total for me.

@dontcryformeargentina Good for you! I'm afraid I am not remotely attracted to much younger men. Being 50, i'd be looking to date someone minimum 48, maximum 55. Without meaning to sound big headed, I am not lacking confidence in my physical appearance, but I do like having the same cultural reference points in a partner: anyone who doesn't remember The Smiths first time around is not for me.

I'm a similar age to you and met my partner on Tinder 3 years ago, he's lovely and I plan to be with him forever.

I think there are decent, genuine men on the apps - after all you're decent and genuine and you're on there - but they are a bit of a needle in a haystack and you need to be very tough emotionally to deal with the weirdness/let downs/highs and lows.

On reflection I went on there too soon after my divorce and I didn't have good boundaries in place so I really did meet some nutters but I also had fun going to new places and just getting out and enjoying life a bit. My friends used to love my stories but I'm glad not to be on there any more.

If you can maintain those boundaries it doesn't have to be as bad as it sounds but it definitely can be if you let it.

I understand but it’s just means a lesser pool to choose from and sometimes unconventional choices can bring more happiness into your life than conventional ones but you may have to pay a price by not having the same reference points.

I’m the same, younger or older men just don’t appeal. I realise I’m narrowing my pool but im
only really interested in someone around same age, within an hours drive and a mon smoker. I also prefer tall men which narrows it even further so I’m probably looking for the elusive rainbow unicorn

In the interest of balance, and prompted by this thread, I don’t have any recent experiences of Hinge so I signed up yesterday after deciding Bumble was so dreadful it’s staying deleted.
It’s better than I remembered.
You can block specific phone numbers when you sign up so that solves your ex problem OP.
The search criteria are very specific and when I ran out of men up to 15 miles away I started again (which you can’t do on Bumble). I gave my head a shake and sent a few likes to guys that didn’t 100% fit my far too specific criteria.
Got 6 responses so far of which one guy seems very similar to me and keen to respond to messages very quickly, but also not throw a tantrum when I can’t.
Some look like they should be in a horror movie so they won’t progress.
You can write a prompt about The Smiths and get fellow fans responding.
Anyone can like you on there and message which is better than the opening message pressure on bumble which I’ve always hated.
There are far fewer men on there than the last time I looked (about 4 years ago).
But it’s not as awful as I thought so perhaps worth a shot.

I did tinder around 3 years post divorce. I have a high bullshit radar so didn’t entertain anyone half arsed. I had a list of icebreaker questions and if it didn’t generate a real conversation I didn’t bother back.

had a few bad dates but nothing horrific. Chatted to everyone for a few weeks/even months before meeting. First relationship was a disaster but good practice. Second was alright but I was bored. Third I’m thoroughly enjoying and 6 months in. I’m not looking to live with a man though until my kids leave home.

good luck, keep your wits about you and consider it expanding your friendship group.

No, I don't think settling down with someone who's not really good enough will lead to happiness when he is stinking out my toilet and telling me the same boring jokes. I'll see how i feel i the next month or so and then - once i know how to block certain other people from seeing my profile and I can find a decent photo of myself (anyone else noticed all their photos are of the kids, their dinner or the cat?), I'll consider joining one. I'll let you all know if I do!

@FidosMum84 thanks for chipping in - I hope it all goes well for you! Keep us posted here. x

😅they don't but you do see the same regulars each week so it's an opportunity to meet someone

I met DP on Tinder. Yes there a few nutters and a few creeps but there are some genuine ones too

Photos. Plural! Please: No cats - smile - and make them a bit different (clothes, locations, etc)

Get some taken this week in the sunshine 🌞 evening sun is most flattering, it's called the golden hour for photo taking. I got one full length really nice photo taken by a friend before I went on a night out and it was a very popular one.

I met my boyfriend of almost 2 years on Bumble (I'm 45) and I found the experience absolutely fine. Matched with several guys who were looking for sex first and foremost but, er, so was I at that point, so I didn't find that too much of an issue. Anyone weird was shut down quickly. Got loads of matches, but I'm in London so the pool is bigger than elsewhere. Met up with five guys in total over the space of a couple of months, my boyfriend was the fifth and although I hadn't been looking for a serious relationship (I was fairly newly divorced), it just evolved. He's lovely, not a creep or a psycho (!) and it's by far the best and healthiest relationship I've ever been in. Admittedly, he did up his height by a couple of inches on his profile 😅but luckily although I'm tall I tend to go for guys who are around my height anyway, so this wasn't a problem either...we laugh about it now. Anyway don't be too discouraged, there are plenty of decent guys out there and although dating apps are a lottery, you might well find one.

Ha! I'm not desperate enough to manufacture a coincidence! Funny idea though.

I’m 51 and I met a lovely guy on Bumble (free version). I’ve been divorced around eight years and I’ve made ALL the mistakes on OLD, believe me. I can recommend the “Burned Haystack method” - there’s an FB group you can join.

There are a LOT of time-wasters on OLD so you have to be ruthlessly efficient with your swiping and don’t waste time on guys who are not serious. My tips to avoid the ones who are just out for sex are:

-only swipe right on men who have actually written a bio and put some effort into it.
Swipe left on:
-cliches like “looking for a partner in crime”, “love banter” etc
-shirtless selfies
-ANY mention of sex in bio (or still married, open relationship etc!)
-ANY negativity like “why does no one chat on here” “no drama”
-don’t be super picky on looks, many guys our age don’t have great photos but look better in person.

Most men will respond to female attention whether they want a relationship or not, if they think there may be sex on offer. So wait for them to message first, this will help to weed out time-wasters. Don’t put more effort into messages than they do. If anything seems even slightly creepy or off, trust your gut and unmatch. Make sure they are actually single and not just “separated but still under the same roof ie still married”. Find out if they have kids and whether they see them (red flag if not). Wait for them to suggest meeting and if they don’t within a week or so of chatting, unmatch.

don't get drawn into really intense chats (and avoid any talk about sex!) before you’ve met, it creates a false intimacy. I only checked the apps once a day to avoid this.

for a first date, keep it short and in a public place so you can make a getaway if you need to, there are some guys that you know you don’t want to see again within 5 minutes. Coffee or drink after work are ok. Anyone who suggests a first date at your place or his, instant unmatch.

I’m sure others won’t agree with all of the above but this has worked for me, I gave far too many guys the benefit of the doubt before on the points above and I wish I hadn’t!

Thanks @ChiaraRimini for taking the time to post such a thoughtful response. It's nice to know you found a lovely man through OLD. I've still not decided if I should dive into the pool/swamp, but I have determined not to take special photos, just one from the day I make my mind up to go for it and the rest from various functions over the last year. Also, I've been very usefully warned by the Mumsnet Community about not investing anything much in the first few conversations and to meet in a public space if I meet anyone at all. It's all been useful. x

Bumble and Hinge are the best by far, and their free accounts allow contact between mutual likes. Most of the other apps are just freak shows, although fbook dating sometimes throws up nice surprises.

I met my current partner and my two best friends on these. I'm one of the seemingly rare men who was looking for something meaningful, so don't despair - we are out there!

Best of luck to you.

@hollowomanI’m glad my post was useful. It’s still early days with my lovely man (LM), so I don’t want to tempt fate- but yes, there are decent men out there. It just takes time (and in my case making a lot of mistakes) to find them. I work from home and lead a fairly quiet life so OLD was my only real option to find someone, and my LM was in the same position so it worked for us!

MumsnetCommunity, I will keep you posted!

Hello, 50 year old getting divorced here, just wondering if you took the plunge OP?!

@abookgeek no. I'm too jumpy!