Online Dating - Which Are The Best Apps?

[Hollowoman]

Morning! Another beautiful day and I've no one to spend it with. I'm considering joining a dating app, but I don't know which one is best for someone like me (I'm 50). Also I don't want my ex husband to know anything about this, is it possible to block other users? I've been single for 10 years and am really not sure how to find someone special, but I do feel lonely. Any tips?

Yeah, you can block people’s phone numbers on most apps. If they’ve used that phone number to register, then they will be blocked. You tend to find the same people on most of the apps tbh. I don’t really rate any of them but if you’re just dipping your toe in the water then maybe try Bumble to start with. It was known as the female friendly app because women had to message first but that changed last year as the founder sold it.

I don’t want to put a dampener on anything but please be careful and take it with a pinch of salt. The apps are a playground for players - it’s the anonymity - they can say they are anything (strangers - you have no reference points unlike if you’d met them in real life). But go on dates, have fun, don’t fall for anyone until you’ve seen them with family and friends / socials / the honeymoon period has worn off. There are a lot of manipulators, serial cheaters, cocklodgers on the apps. But I live in hope that a decent one might pop up eventually 😂

I’d urge caution on the apps if you’re not used to them. I was on them about 3 years ago and they weren’t great. Downloaded Bumble last week and I completed it within an hour! Ran out of guys nearby as the profiles were either the same ones who’d been there for years, dreadful pics, bios that were worryingly offensive, lying about their age or fake. A lot don’t work and are happy to state this! I waited a few days and got 2 matches. Both very newly single (weeks not months I discovered). One still in the marital home wanting sex and one that was so depressed and negative he was in no place to start a relationship. I’ve deleted it now.
Also you can’t block someone so if your ex is on he might see you. Only one I think you can avoid friends on to start with is facebook dating. But where I am it’s only old men on there so I’m not going to bother with that.
I’d also love someone to go for a walk with today. So I’m heading out into the sunshine on my own.
I’m not going to stop the things I enjoy just because I don’t have someone to share them with.

@ZigZagJigsaw thanks for your kind advice. Everything you say sounds sensible...but nervewracking! Does anyone think one app is better than the others? I ask because reading reviews on Trustpilot, they all seem to score pretty low.

Yeah the dating apps are literally just full of men wanting sex and they will spin any line to get it . It’s always been bad but I think it’s terrible now . Don’t believe anything they say coz they just want to get you into bed . I feel for vulnerable women on there.

Oh no, this is not sounding good at all! I really don't want to get involved in anyone else's issues, after my own divorce and a lonely decade gathering myself up again, I'm nervous.
I hope you have a lovely sunshiney walk. x

Maybe I should just leave it. I've not heard any success stories.

Could you join some hobby groups instead ? Maybe you could get to know someone through that ?

Agreed. I wouldn’t consider myself vulnerable because I’m trained to spot manipulation and coercion for my job. But I almost got suckered recently. Luckily it was early days and we’d only been on two public dates. I mentioned to a friend that despite him seeming lovely, friendly, not pushy, I had a funny feeling I couldn’t shift. She recommended that I look at the cheaters groups on Facebook - are we dating the same guy. I found him in there - married, serial cheater, sex addict, abusive. Posts by multiple women over a couple of years.

Hi @Blackcountrychik83 it's a good idea and I've thought about it, but tend to think if I join a hobby group, it'll be for the hobby. I'd like to think I could be upfront about wanting a relationship, but the truth is, I'm not feeling that brave.

Oh God, this just gets worse! I'm glad you got out in good time!

I would say this is probably the way to go. You may meet men through hobby groups but I think generally widening you’re circle of friends is a good thing. I’d still be careful though, as I know some of the meetup and Facebook hiking groups are known as hunting grounds by some men.

I’m in a similar position to you OP and was on bumble for a couple of months.
I only ever ‘liked’ about a dozen men in that time and I never got past a couple of very short chats ie. one or two lines of text, on the app.
By the end I was only getting one or two profiles each day, if I bothered to look. Apparently I should have widened my filters, but I don’t want to date someone who lives 20 miles or more away, or who is much older or younger than me, or who clearly has wildly different lifestyle to me. And any of them only looking for ‘fun, casual dates’ was an instant nope.

You are right about generally widening my social group, it would be really nice to meet new people, in general.

Yes, I see. I just want to meet a normal man with a normal amount of normal problems! Is that too much to ask?

That’s all I wanted!
But imagine all of the partners of the posters on here who are single when the wife eventually leaves after horrific behaviour….
That’s who’s on dating sites. And a fair few who are still married and doing it behind their partners back. As well as the ones who’d never attract a woman in real life.
It’s rare to have someone fairly well balanced and reflective having done the work on a dating site. And they’re mostly looking for women in their 20’s and 30’s who won’t notice as quickly that they’re emotionally incompetent.

As a fellow 50 something divorcee I’d say swerve the apps unless you want the following

• be approached by men 25 years older who resemble Dobbys more wizened brother
• first messages like ‘cracking tits love’ or ‘do you do anal’
• going on dates with men who are a decade older and 5 inches sorter than they claim.
• Men who claim to want a relationship but push you into quick sex then ghost.
• 25 year olds looking for a MILF
• conversations that are like chatting to a monosyllabic teenager

I could go on but you get the picture.

I agree the best way forward is to widen your social circle, make a good man free life and if one comes along it’s a bonus not an essential.

I met two really lovely partners (one I'm with now) on hinge. I think it's the best.

Oh no! What did I do wrong?

'Hollowoman · Today 11:43

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Finally a positive experience - good for you!

I think it's pretty accepted that dating apps are in terminal decline for a multitude of reasons. What will replace them I'm not sure. Add that to the decline in social life with pubs/clubs closing, working from home etc it's going to be interesting to see how society and relationships are in ten years time.

@TwistedWonder thank you, that made me laugh! You are wrong in one respect though - after 11 years single, it is essential for me to find someone special. Not just someone, but someone special. I am lonely and I miss intimacy. I think that's why I thought, initially, that a dating website would be an honest way forward. I can see now that just because I would be honest, it doesn't mean the men on a given site would be honest too.

@TranceNation that's a very interesting point.

Most of the men on dating apps really won’t be honest with you. And as cynical as this sounds, you would be wise to start any interaction with any man from OLD with that in mind.

OK. I've decided against the OLD thing - it all sounds awful! x