Online Dating - Which Are The Best Apps?

[Hollowoman]

Morning! Another beautiful day and I've no one to spend it with. I'm considering joining a dating app, but I don't know which one is best for someone like me (I'm 50). Also I don't want my ex husband to know anything about this, is it possible to block other users? I've been single for 10 years and am really not sure how to find someone special, but I do feel lonely. Any tips?

Have you tried your job or the supermarket? Meeting organically is good

Can i ask why have you stayed single so long?

I'm glad you have someone nice to spend time with. I am still thinking about whether to go for it or not.

@TwistedWonder I felt burned after the divorce, drained by the fallout. I had one ill advised relationship in the interim which burned me a little more and suddenly I'm 50.

I would absolutely never date anyone at work. The supermarket? I don't understand!

Do they sell men in Tesco?

My daughter used Hinge and has a lovely young man she met on there . It's been 6 months now and they seem very well matched TBF .

I’d guess the comment was from someone who hasn’t tried the harsh reality of finding someone recently - at an age when it seems everyone you know is coupled up. And no, I don’t think hanging round the Waitrose ready meals aisle hoping to get hit on is a realistic plan 🤣

@Bittenonce the thing is, when a man approaches me when I'm doing something else, like on a train travelling to work or out for a jog, or commenting on some online reels or whatever, I just don't like it. I think 'I didn't come here to pick up random men.' That's why I thought OLD was the way forward, because then I'd absolutely be up for being asked out. I don't know.

I liked the fact that you could filter them and find someone who was interested in the same things you were. So I went for someone who liked gigs, travel, theatre and cinema but was also quite outdoorsy so fit. I felt a bit like a child in a sweetshop and had a lot of fun with it tbh.

I think the free version of Hinge is the best one. You need to keep your guard up and have a strict vetting process but I met my previous partner on there who was lovely and it led to a 2 year relationship. I joined again recently and have met another lovely man that I've been dating for around 3 months, still early days but no obvious red flags so far. I had a few dates beside them and like a pp all my dates were with nice guys, just not for me for one reason or another. I reason that I am nice and genuine and am online dating so there must be some men the same! Good luck whatever you decide but I honestly haven't found it as bad as some people seem to have.

What about Our Time which says it's for people 50+, does anyone have experience of that one

I had a great experience on OurTime 4 years ago aged 51 - was on there about 2 months, had three dates, of which the third was DP. From the moment we spoke I had a feeling that he was a serious prospect. We had 3 video calls in a week, had our wonderful first date and frankly that was it. I have sex quite quickly so our second date was in bed. We moved in together 18 months ago and I have every expectation that we will be together for the rest of our lives.

It has to be said that I was on Hinge at the same time, had just come off Match, and had spent a year or so on the casual sex apps. So I got quite a thick skin for what you might call the nonsense on apps. I suppose i think of going on an app as like walking into one of those huge meat market nightclubs that used to exist when I was in my teens. The vast majority of people in there you wouldn't ever want to date, or not more than a quick drink. But you certainly can meet the occasional person that you click with.

Someone posted earlier about OurTime (or was it DateMyAge?) and it sounded so depressing. I want to date within my age range but not to just be with someone for the sake of having someone. If I do choose an app, maybe Bumble would be a good place to start.

I hated Bumble I think it's all very personal.

Sometimes random can work - but think I’d never try it on with some woman I just met walking the dogs or whatever: Neither of you would know if the other was single and it could easily be really creepy….. I found that some Singles Hiking groups can have nice people, though haven’t found anyone more than a friend yet.
But you’ve got to give OLD a go now, right? Try one of the free ones, you can always delete it it’s not working for you.

I couldn't get to grips with Bumble. I liked Hinge but met my 2 nicest fellas on Tinder. You have to go on there with no expectations though I think and take it lightly.

Met my partner on Tinder last year. He's the most amazing human, and is currently looking after me whilst I recover from surgery.

I have a lot of scare stories from the apps; but you just have to hold your standards, be persistent, and trust that whilst you're genuine there has to be a guy who's genuine as well.

It depends on so many factors. Bumble was by far the one I got most matches on whereas Hinge was tumbleweed.
I only ever had 1 match in about 6 months. In my age group/location it was full of very sporty/outdoorsy types which I’m
absolutely not.

Tinder banned me for life after 2 days without telling me why 🤷‍♀️

My experience of Bumble (free version) has been really positive.

Just be up front about the fact that you're looking for a serious relationship.

I was on the apps for a few years and had some short relationships before meeting my (now ex) DP through mutual friends. Thought that was going to be it for us until he had a mid life crisis last year after nearly ten years and started following The Script.

Anyway, I know of at least five couples who have met their partners online. Three led to marriage* and the other relationships are long term. I didn’t have that much luck on them myself and was glad to have xDP IRL (until he lost the plot last year).

I now worry that OLD will be full of people like my xDP who is emotionally stunted and has intimacy issues and who likes to blame everyone else for all his problems…

*One of those marriages ended when the DH, in his early 70s, and after fathering four kids with his previous wife, had decided he was really a woman….think he had some sort of breakdown.

I would still give OLD a whirl OP. Just don’t go in with your eyes closed.

Have some screening questions that you can get into early conversations, don’t get emotionally invested in anyone early on. Don’t give anyone money or disclose your assets and savings. See if you can verify them by meeting friends and family etc.

Maybe and maybe not. I'm not sure I'd cope if I got all tangled up with the wrong person.

I think I was the same as you - wanting to meet someone and not seeing any other way to do it, but actually really daunted. But I’d say you probably seem to be in a good starting position- it’s something you want rather than need, you’re not vulnerable from being recently hurt and damaged, you’re not stupid!
Do you have any friends (men or women) with more experience on the apps? Just to be your wingman to start you off, help you pick the right photos, the right words, spot the more obvious dodgy profiles?

I personally like hinge. Had a number of lovely dates. Lots of filtering of course and widen your age group towards younger demographics. If you just look at men 50+ , you’d get rapidly depressed - lots of baggage, misogynistic, worried that you are after their money and often lack self reflection. I prefer younger generation but that’s require investing into yourself- gym, looking good, etc. which I don’t mind.