Ladies of the forum (and blokes lurking in the shadows), I come seeking your collective wisdom while trapped in that classic midlife muddle. Financial climate being what it is, I'm sure I'm not the only one white-knuckling through this particular rollercoaster.
Here's my situation: I'm with someone who knows me better than my own mam (God help her). We've shared everything from brilliant holidays where nothing went wrong except my dancing, to holding each other through life's proper disasters. The photo albums are full, the inside jokes are plentiful. 2 beautiful DD's.
But somewhere between matching pajamas at Christmas and discussing whose turn it is to empty the dishwasher, things changed. The bedroom has become more of a sleep laboratory than anything else. And while I'm staring down the barrel of middle age (when did THAT happen?!), I've got this nagging voice wondering if there's someone out there who'd be a better fit.
Finances make it all the more complicated. I earn a decent wage (nothing to write to Martin Lewis about, but I'm not eating beans on toast every night), but if I left, I'd be financially stretched. Between maintenance payments and suddenly shouldering a mortgage solo, my bank account would be giving me the side-eye. She's spent years being the main parent while I built my career, so her earning potential took the hit. I feel I should at least wait until she's back on her feet career-wise. I'd give her the house without question – help her get the mortgage in her name and all that – but the timing just feels cruel right now.
Then there's that old saying about not knowing what you have until it's gone. I lie awake some nights genuinely terrified that I'd be tossing away something irreplaceable. Our story has all the makings of one of those "50 years together" features in the local paper. But this bloody itch just won't leave me alone. It's like having a pebble in your shoe during a marathon – you can ignore it for a while, but eventually, it's all you can think about. I'd be genuinely heartbroken to let a love story like ours end, but equally scared of staying for the wrong reasons.
I keep telling myself it's not just about fancying someone new (though let's be honest, the ego boost wouldn't hurt). It's about wondering if I'll be 80, looking back, and thinking "should've been braver, you daft old git."
The practical side: I'm basically staying put until maintenance payments end and the kids are grown. But emotionally? I'm all over the shop.
So my questions to you wise women of Britain:
- Do women go through this too, or is it just us blokes being predictably cliché?
- Has anyone took the chance and regretted it?
- Has anyone wished they'd taken the leap when they had the chance?
- Has anyone weathered this storm and come out the other side with something even more beautiful?
Because right now, it feels like I'm choosing between two different ways to mess up my life, and both options come with a side of regret.
Any wisdom (or mockery – I can take it) appreciated!