Could I ever turn my life around at 50?

[Floatingindefinitely]

I have made some unfortunate decisions, and have no excuse, since I had a fantastic early life with many privileges.
I need to preface this by saying yes, I am an asshole.

I met my DP in my mid 30's (after many years travelling, studying and losing my first husband) and didn't want to re-marry as had not planned to have children. I managed to set up a small 'cottage industry' type business and did well until I had a major surgery 7 years ago. I am in great health now, but my work took a good whack, and has never quite recovered. So we floated along in this way, frugally, until I realised that he probably didn't really want to fully commit to a lifelong domestic arrangement (which I definitely wanted) that would forge us a good life together into the future.

Long story short, he sold the house he had inherited to set up a business. It would seem he had no interest in making a life with me. We had lived together there for many years, and like I said, I just cruised along. I was happy to pay my way and invest in the house but he always refused. What looked like generosity turned out to be something a bit more cynical.
Now we rent and the relationship is in tatters. His business is doing great, and I am left flat. I accept full responsibility for my own actions and whilst saddened by his lack of commitment, am resolved to move forward and make a new life.

But I am terrified!
I have around 16K in savings, from my business, which was originally much higher, and was supposed to be a pension. I now have to move out and begin from scratch. I am happy to try to recover my work but do wish to go into a new field, and can not afford to study. I am fine starting small, at the bottom, and would love to get into something connected to preservation/tourism/nature. This is a dream that I would love to work towards.

Is this at all possible? Am I dead in the water?
I am 50, have sod all transferable skills, am entirely alone as most of my family have died, and will have to face the current rental market. I am a naturally optimistic person, intelligent, educated, but am just paralysed. I am finding it hard to just search for a place and make that move. Who would let to me in this situation????

Since we are separated (technically) now, I am officially unemployed although still recovering earnings in bits and bats. I am living on my savings.

I know that I am lucky to have my savings, but accept that a good amount will drop, but I have no choice. I do not want to continue this relationship.
Every day and month that ticks by I wake up in terror, so afraid to do something about it, but knowing I am wasting my life and savings in this situation. I do not wish to settle here and would need to move away as I don't like the area.

Any advice or encouragement? I need an enormous injection of confidence as I feel with that, I could move mountains. But I am so, so paralysed and confused.

Most women my age are married with kids, or home owners, and I feel like a bit of an outlier .

@Floatingindefinitely you sound a lovely lady - I’ve done some daft things too by going along with ‘what seemed right at the time’ and not putting myself first - it isn’t always straight forward as people think as if you feel ‘together’ you do things that are for a ‘together ‘ future not always factoring in if it’s in your best interests - although in my case im
married - but some of the same still apply - anyway what’s done is done, so you can only think forwards - really wish you the best

Wow that Lady job in Shetland posted previously !

OP go have a look at that, sounds like a great new start for you.

Go for year, you’ll be in a completely different place by the end

jobs.lady.co.uk/content/live-companion-caregiver-creative-woman-her-home-next-sea-lerwick-shetland?view

We all make silly choices sometimes. I’m also 50 with a history of making stupid choices around men, jobs, lack of pension and savings. I’m lucky in that I do have a house, but it’s jointly owned with my ex husband, alongside another one that he spans been living in (and would transpire not paying the mortgage on). Hey ho. We just all have to make the best of things as and when they happen.

if I was you, and no ties, I would look into doing some international house sitting to get some fab travel experiences for a while. Meanwhile build your business back up. You did it once and this time will be easier because you have the experience and know the pit falls.

Right now, use some of your savings ans get out into an air bnb or something to get your head together ans plot ans plan your next move. Fuck being conventional. Surround yourself with free spirits and like minded people. Build your support network and tribe and embrace the freedom that your new life will bring.

Good luck.

@stclementine yes I suggested the same lower down - take a couple of weeks somewhere pleasant but cheap, maybe Scotland or Northumberland and research all what’s out there and possible - sometimes it’s easier to do this not surrounded by reminders and stuff

And do keep us posted OP - rooting for you

Sorry read more or your replies and realised you don’t want to return to that world. The rest of my suggestions I stand by - go for house sitting anywhere you fancy. If you like animals even better.
The best is yet to come.

In case no one has posted this, I love these articles. I’m early 50s and I find it so inspiring.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/series/a-new-start-after-60

Rather than waiting until you feel confident, you just need to take some action and do it scared. You are creative (published books of poetry!) so that creativity will help you shape your future. The house sitting is a very good idea- but you may have others. Good luck with it all!

Made me think of this...

"Strength and courage come from ACTIONS - you act as though you were a strong, brave person and one day you'll look back and realise you actually were, although it didn't feel like it at the time.

But waiting around for strength, courage and self esteem to magically show up, while hanging around in a situation which is actively sucking the life out of you? You're like a person in a freezing lake saying "I'll climb out of this cold water just as soon as I warm up". You don't stand a chance of warming up until you get out of the lake."
(Something I copied and pasted into my notes file of useful things, no idea where it's from)

Oooh the frozen lake analogy slapped me a little, this is exactly my problem, and I keep repeating it, and repeating it, and now...

Thank you.

As for going away, I did this late last year for 2 months, it was the most wonderful thing to feel self sufficient and do everything on my own terms. But sadly it does cost and I truly can't afford to do it again. I came back with renewed energy, stamina and determination, which just seemed to ebb out of me again once settled.

This is actually a repeat pattern that needs to stop. I need to throw a spoke in the wheel or somehow smash through my own inertia.

@Floatingindefinitely if you feel you can’t risk spending money , take yourself out for a few afternoons to the library or a cafe or book yourself in for the odd afternoon into a co working centre - I think it’s the change of scene that helps focus

@Floatingindefinitely
I am keeping my promise and coming back to see how are getting on. Did you manage to take any steps, even small ones?