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Original poster

Boyfriend seems to not want to spend time with my teenager son

69 replies

StrongWomen2025 · 02/04/2025 23:36

I meet a guy February last year and he is great, he doesn’t have kids and never wanted them. The thing is since we moved in together it seems he don’t want to spend much time with my teenage son (15) his been off work this past 9 weeks (he had a heart attack end of January) it seem when my son comes down stairs after 20/30 mins my boyfriend goes upstairs for a lay down. Don’t get me wrong his been great with him, my son talks to him about stuff they both like and his been on holiday with us and paid half of all the trips and food, his even paid half of our next holiday to turkey and we will go half with foods and trips on this holiday, last year we took my son to Belfast to the titanic and Alton towers and the beach a couple of times. But this year since he moved in (December) his really not wanted to spend time as a family. I am looking into to this t much? Im I being silly? Should I expect this guy to won’t to be a family with me and 15 year old? It don’t bother me about doing stuff as a family with the old 2 children 21 and 23 year old, and my son will not want to do anything with me soon left alone with a guy his only known for 14 months.

I know it’s only a couple of more year until my son isn’t going to want to do anything with us but while he still don’t mind I want to be able to still do stuff with him.
appease Jo comment about living in after only 10 months together, he lived and hour and half away and it made sense when he was staying 5 nights out 7 nights.

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 02/04/2025 23:41

What do you want people to say?

Yes it seems he doesn't enjoy your child's company, yes he seems to be avoiding him and yes your son will notice if he hasn't already and no its not ok to have him being treated like this in his own home.

What do you want?

icantfindmyphone · 02/04/2025 23:48

Your son should have been your priority until he is 18.

DenholmElliot11 · 02/04/2025 23:55

Men come and go. Kids are forever

workshy46 · 02/04/2025 23:58

God very soon to bring a man you have only known a short while to live in your home.. can’t imagine being a teen and a strange man who has no interest in me moving in .. would feel so uncomfortable. Doesn’t mean you can’t date or him stay over but I don’t understand the obsession with moving in random blokes after a few months of dating and think they are a prince amongst men for paying half 🤷‍♀️

Hoydenish · 03/04/2025 00:09

Tbh I think you're right in that your youngest will be off as soon as he can, and who would blame him; a stranger moved into his home and promptly set about actively ignoring him. Poor kid.

TwistedWonder · 03/04/2025 00:10

So he was all sweetness and light to your din until he got his feet under the table - funny that!

Did you have a discussion with your don before moving this bloke you only knew a few months under his roof at such a crucial time in his education?

You say about him paying half towards holidays etc - how about living expenses like bills, food etc?

AnneLovesGilbert · 03/04/2025 00:13

If you don’t want people to comment on you moving in a guy you’d known for 10 months I don’t have much to say.

Garedenhelp · 03/04/2025 00:24

You say he never wanted children and then seem surprised he doesn't want to spend much time with a child.

But on a optimistic view, of he is off work due to a heart attack does he just need lots of rest? So not avoiding your son as such? I don't know how a heart attack would impact someone but if he is off work it implys a current impact.

SnowflakeSmasher86 · 03/04/2025 00:44

Just out of interest - how interested would you be in chatting to one of your son’s friends for more than half an hour?

My DP’s 13 yo son is lovely, but honestly after half an hour, I’m done! There’s only so much interest I can feign in Roblox or Fortnite, so I’ll happily chat for a while when my DP is making dinner. But then I’ll need to take a bit of time back to myself.

Especially after a heart attack you need to give your DP a break and let him take himself off for a rest whenever he needs to. I’m sure your son would also rather have the TV/XBox to himself than having to make polite conversation with your DP.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 03/04/2025 00:50

SnowflakeSmasher86 · 03/04/2025 00:44

Just out of interest - how interested would you be in chatting to one of your son’s friends for more than half an hour?

My DP’s 13 yo son is lovely, but honestly after half an hour, I’m done! There’s only so much interest I can feign in Roblox or Fortnite, so I’ll happily chat for a while when my DP is making dinner. But then I’ll need to take a bit of time back to myself.

Especially after a heart attack you need to give your DP a break and let him take himself off for a rest whenever he needs to. I’m sure your son would also rather have the TV/XBox to himself than having to make polite conversation with your DP.

I agree with this

Especially as the man didn't want children and therefore probably doesn't find them interesting

Make the most of the 1-1 time with your son

princesspadam · 03/04/2025 01:55

Ignore the ‘your son should be your priority until he’s 18’ bollocks as if everyone can put their own life on hold indefinitely until they fly the nest

i do think you’re expecting too much, your DP just isn’t that interested and that’s fine, he’s not the parent, you are.

just do stuff with your son, holiday without DP if you want.

i have holidays with DP and then one a year which we suffer with all the blended dcs, then we go on another to recover

yes I also think 10 months is very early, people can keep that mask up for 10 months, maybe he’s not who you thought he was

i I do believe that when it’s right it all flows very easily and you shouldn’t feel like this

coxesorangepippin · 03/04/2025 02:08

Why did he move in so soon??

Tbrh · 03/04/2025 02:31

icantfindmyphone · 02/04/2025 23:48

Your son should have been your priority until he is 18.

This. These years are really important, put your son first

CurlewKate · 03/04/2025 03:31

Man who has never wanted kids doesn’t want kids. I am shocked.

BlondiePortz · 03/04/2025 03:37

There is a difference in sleeping with someone and shacking up with them if you children still at home.

OP you cant force it and why on earth would you want to? what is it of any benifit to your child?

Regretsmorethanafew · 03/04/2025 04:53

This is why you don't move boyfriends in to your child's home.

HoppingPavlova · 03/04/2025 05:02

A boyfriend of 5 months shouldn’t have been staying in your home 5 nights a week with your kids to begin with. Doesn’t matter he lives 1.5hrs away. You should have put your kids first, that’s the job of a parent.

Your DS shouldn’t have been put in situation where he’s being ignored or n his own house, but you have created the situation, yet don’t want anyone to tell you this.

I’d have him move out. See him 2 nights a week until your DS is older. THEN you can do whatever you think benefits you, but that’s not the priority at this point.

Bananalanacake · 03/04/2025 05:19

Why let him move so quickly.

Lightuptheroom · 03/04/2025 05:35

The thing is, you're not a family. You cant force someone to interact with anyone else and your ds is an older teen. I met my dh when my ds was 14, 2 years later we decided to get married and that's when we. 'merged' households and only then after discussing with ds what that would look like as it had been him and me alonw for 14 years...
My dh and ds share a hobby, which is how we met, but he certainly wasn't stepping into a family or the role of parent. Plus the added recovery from a heart attack makes it difficult for him. If he's never lived with a young person, that's a lot of adjustment for both of them very quickly.

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 03/04/2025 05:46

appease Jo comment about living in after only 10 months together, he lived and hour and half away and it made sense when he was staying 5 nights out 7 nights.

so you don’t want anyone to mention you made a series of poor descions which…surprise! turned out to be a poor decisions..?

I feel bad for your son and am amazed you’d do this in general, let along during his GCSEs but as per as a PP I don’t get what you want from this…

It’s fairly obvious he needs to move out
(and by he I mean your boyfriend not your son…)

HoppingPavlova · 03/04/2025 07:31

Sorry, made a typo, should have been boyfriend of 10 months. But irrespective, doesn’t matter if it was 10 or 5, he shouldn’t have been staying 5 nights or moving in.

herbalteabag · 03/04/2025 07:50

I wouldn't have moved someone into my home without a serious discussion with my son about what he thought about, especially at 15. How does your son feel now? Does he want to sit and chat with your new boyfriend or maybe he prefers it when he's out of the way?
You should talk to your new boyfriend about it, as if you are close enough to live together you should be able to discuss this kind of issue. I highly doubt either of them will consider each as family, because they don't know if it will last and also because a 15 year old will probably not see this man as a new father figure as he's already too old for that.

Spiaggio · 03/04/2025 07:56

It doesn’t ’make sense’ to move in a comparatively new boyfriend just because he stays over a lot. Why didn’t you discuss him moving in with your son and your boyfriend first?

SawItOnTikTok · 03/04/2025 08:02

I don’t care if you don’t want comments on it. You moved him in way too soon and this arrangement doesn’t work. Your justification that he was staying over 5 nights out of 7 - well that was you moving too fast too. Still I expect you’ll ignore people pointing that out, your boyfriend will continue to ignore your son and your son will move out and not look back because you allowed his home environment to be an uncomfortable place.

Garlicgarlicgarlic · 03/04/2025 08:07

he doesn’t have kids and never wanted them. The thing is since we moved in together it seems he don’t want to spend much time with my teenage son

Well..yeah, naturally.
He has no business inflicting himself on a child, if he was a good person he would never have done this. Your kid should be prioritised over some bloke.