DH refuses to help with the newborn over weekend

[Ekitty]

AIBU to be angry at him? I gave birth 3 weeks ago, long labour, episiotomy, tearing and huge hemorrhoids. Also had an infection so was on antibiotics for the past week. It was very challenging time as I needed to go to hospital almost every day and we don’t have any support here (both our parents are in the other country and couldn’t come). DH and I decided to do “shifts” with the baby. He takes care of our little one at the evening and at night when he is not working and happy to help (20:00-02:00). My shift is 02:00-20:00. However, this weekend he told me that shifts are reasonable just during weekdays. In his opinion, I should take care of baby 24/7 during weekends because he is tired and he needs time to recharge before new week. “Recharge” is playing video games with online friends. It feels not fair to me - I don’t have time to do the things I want, I don’t even have proper sleep or time to recover. We don’t have a nanny, housekeeper or anyone who can come and help. And it seems very hard to take care of a baby and do the chores on your own. Is it okay that I am frustrated and angry at my husband? Or I should be more tolerant?

It cuts both ways, doesn't it. Either looking after a newborn is difficult, so he should muck in with it, We're looking after a newborn is easy enough that she doesn't need a break, in which case The little that he does should not be taxing enough that he needs a break.

He also seems to have forgotten that the OP has birth injuries to recover from.

For what it's worth, I found newborns easy, but I had a husband who was fully involved, and that probably made all the difference.

Be a long travel but be worth it when you arrived .
Id go ! Not sure I’d come

Then he will start ranting and raving about the state of the house💔. There is no winning with men like this. Their mother brought up several children without input from their father. They are even being "nice" with the little they do.

Presumably he chose to have a child with you? Childcare is 50/50 alongside all the other responsibilities that come with running a house.

You will only heal if you're able to rest and he needs to understand this.

Well he gets the week of doing childcare whilst you recharge for the weekend only fair isn't it?

Just adding in and not to say that this is the situation at all but is he able to look after your baby safely? Will he ignore your child to continue gaming? If you have concerns to mention them to your midwife, GP - anyone who is a professional in these matters.

Start ensuring you are in a position to return to work, full time, and then start putting money into your Fuck Off Fund.

Could a family from NZ come over and stay for a week and then get you and baby back to NZ to rest and recover? Get a passport and health card for yourself and baby

Good reason to go there and stay, really. It'll be a bit tender on the way there but maybe after a couple of months, you can work out if you're ready to return or not

He's a parent. It's not a job you can check out of for the weekend. You're still healing from birth injuries and shouldn't be doing too much, it will slow your healing or make things worse. You're also on antibiotics, which can make you feel wiped out on top of everything else.

Gaming and a 3 week old and a wife who is still healing from birth injuries are not compatible. Does he want you to get septic or delay your wound healing?

He's a weekend parenting fail and his expectation to not be a father on the weekends is irrational and unacceptable and likely to cause you harm which in turn can harm your baby.

Let everything else go. Take care of your baby and yourself.

But newborns do generally tend to sleep the majority of a 24 hour period in the first few weeks/months. Same question surely applies to the OP? Is she not resting when baby does?

I guess I'm gunning the reverse of this post.

Woman poster:

AIBU? Me and dh have just had a baby. I have gone back to work full time and husband is the SAHP. I then come home from my long shift at work and take over baby duties from my dh. I 'take over' from my from 8pm -2 am. I then go to bed and by the time I'm asleep I have about 4 hours until I have to do it all again. I'm exhausted. I've asked my dh if he can shoulder the majority of the baby duties over the weekend so that I can have a little bit of time to rest before the whole week starts all over again. He said no. He stays at home all day with the baby and can rest/sleep/play his xbox games when the baby sleeps. AIBU for wanting just a bit of time to myself?

There is no way everyone would jump on her and tell her that's she is unreasonable .

Wife first, baby second - his role is to take care of you so you can take care of the baby. And why wouldn’t he want to cuddle the baby when he gets the chance - my DH was besotted with all of ours.

Long haul travel is easier with small babies than older ones and in my experience people fell over themselves to help - because unlike your useless husband, most people like babies. Go home to your mum.

But he’s not asking her to shoulder the majority of the baby duties at the weekend - he’s expecting her to do all the baby care and all the chores while he does nothing.

And if you think Mumsnet would be kind to a mother who’d gone back to work full time and was proposing to ignore her three-week old baby all weekend too, you can’t have been here long

Does he not want to be a parent? My DH took over the majority of care at weekends because he didn't get much time during the week to do it and wanted to squeeze in as much as he could.

Your baby is so tiny and new, he needs to step up and parent his baby and care for his wife. I’m sorry that you have found out what a useless person he is now.

Did he not have any paternity leave?