Do u have an f off fund

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Do you have an f off fund - to ' enable ' / ' allow ' you to leave a toxic job or toxic relationship ?

Yes. Also allowed me/allows to take risks in job choices.

Well I have separate savings accounts from dh. He has them too. We have a joint current account for bills and some joint savings acoounts too but we each have our own personal accounts for whatever we see fit.
So I do have access to my own money in case I ever needed to run away from him!

No. And I seriously regretted it as my abusive X took full advantage of me bring trapped for many years. He wasn't like that until after I had our first child.

No, I’m the higher earner by quite a margin, I could walk away if I wanted. Perhaps my DH does!

I didn't, however, I have managed to earn a really good wage and so I was in a great position when I left my ex. Anyone who is the lower earner needs to have one, however rosy things are right now, people can change/cheat so never allow yourself to be financially vulnerable and not leave if you want to.

Yes I did. I used it to escape my abusive marriage. It probably saved my life. When DH was sent to prison for arson of our family home (and emptying the account of the money I had just received from my late mothers estate), I was very glad I did.
I will tell my DDs to do the same. Not necessarily secret from their partners but to always have enough savings in their own name to get out.

Yes, I have a substantial fund I could access in a real emergency. It is deposited in a bank in my brother's name, so no-one can touch it. DH does not know about it.

Our money is not joint but I am starting to save some as I rely on credit cards and having a back up emergency fund that's just mine would make me feel much better.

No I'm lucky that I love my jobs and have the opportunity to increase one of them if the other isn't working out as have 2 very separate careers. Been with DH 25 and (though I know they can change) am very lucky that he is lovely. If he did fuck me over I have many friends and family (including a generous and wealthy brother) that would help me out.

Yes absolutely- my Dad cautioned me years ago to create one. So you can walk away from jobs, not just relationships

Absolutely yes. I got caught out once before. It won’t happen again.

I did! Thank god. And now ( because it wasn’t all used up in escaping) it is now renamed as my dream kitchen fund .

I have a lot of sadness and regret about my relationship but am so glad that I saved money.

Hell yes. Served the purpose as I fucked off and left abusive H. Helped to pay rent,deposit and bills when I left.
It’s depleted now but fingers crossed I’m safe on the other side so need to build it up again for a rainy day/whatever

Nope but I don’t need one, it’s my house, he’ll be the one leaving (not married)

I made sure that I earn enough to support me and DS if something happened, I’d be fine.

Absolutely I do. Created mine so that I wouldn’t ever again be stuck in a job I hated. Would work to leave a relationship too.

We both do. We have a joint account but also separate accounts for saving. We earn similar so it's quite easy.

No, though I do have my own money in addition to joint money for joint expenses. That said, I’ve been happily married for 17 years and have no intention of f ing off anywhere. I do think it’s sensible to have your own individual bank accounts though, none of this family pot business. But I just don’t specifically keep money in there for the purpose of escaping anything.

We have always had separate savings accounts and both have cash ISAs

I have savings, I’m saving for things I might need to pay for unexpectedly or if I need to purchase an expensive item. I would never call it an f off fund because for one that’s cringe but two what does that say about your thoughts on your relationship. My DH would be devastated if I said I had a pot of saving for if I ever decided to leave him! I have savings which would help if that ever happened but I certainly don’t set them aside for that reason.

Just turned 50 and finally managed to achieve this a few years ago. Best thing ever!

Nothing lowers my stress like knowing I have options. Probably the reason I was able to chose to stay at a job that pays well, but can be a challenging environment for a few more years. Planning to leave soon, but I know every day I can chose to make the change if needed…

Yes I did and it came in very useful too.

Id advise every woman to have a bank account of her own. Why shouldn’t she?

Legally though i believe if youve lived there together for over 6 months - he could potentially go after it

Yes always had one. Never needed it luckily and now I buy art I like with it but always always have one.

the power to know you can just walk away is immense, I think it means it is less likely that you’ll want to.

Yes. I have > 2 years’ salary in savings. This is my own money which provides me with a degree of financial independence, a safety net and an escape route, should I ever need one.

This financial position is not luck. It is the planned outcome of many years of committed saving and sacrifices (yes, sacrifices; an unfashionable word) by me and me alone, not the result of a windfall or inheritance or parental ‘help’ or a privileged upbringing or anything of the sort.

He’s signed a legal document to say he will live in the house but has no legal claim so we are all good there.