Do u have an f off fund

[worldwidetravel2017]

Do you have an f off fund - to ' enable ' / ' allow ' you to leave a toxic job or toxic relationship ?

Wow! Glad you are all out of that .
Did you get the money back through divorce ?

Yes but only needed for job. I own my own property outright and wouldn’t tolerate a toxic relationship.

Kind of. DP and I are tenants in common on our joint property with me owning the higher share. I have the different in his share so if it all goes wrong I can just buy him out without a mortgage so mine and my kids lives are not turned upside down trying to find another house to live in.

Yes i always have had one.
Im also a minimalist so i have nothing to lose if shit hits the fan.

Yes, a year's money in an ISA, in case of redundancy or any other issues.

I have needed it twice. Now single. I shouldn't need it again. The house is mine and I'm not planning on moving anyone in, so it can go towards ds' university costs. .

Well done.

If only all women were so prudent, we wouldn’t hear about so many shitshow relationships.

Yep. I saw my mum trapped in a marriage and job that she hated because of how my dad controlled her. I’ll never allow myself to be in that situation.

Yes, my mother always told me to have my own secret savings. I tell my daughters and my son the same thing.

No. Husband recently had an inheritance and gave some money to our adult kids and some to me. Said I didn’t need it but he insisted: maybe he’s hinting 🤣

I didn't as my ex bled me dry and I was completely stuck. Once he'd abandoned us I made a point of having one and my own income just in case.

Everyone should have one. I've made far too many not great decisions based on money. I've told my two that if they don't have the money to come to me.

Kind of. He never actually paid it back, he was convicted of the theft of it so I have the satisfaction that he has that conviction in his record. I got a marginally larger share of the assets to compensate in part.
I declared the fuck off fund, that was seen as a joint asset. But my inheritance wasn't, and that's what he was convicted of stealing. Mainly because he set fire to the house within three days of me getting it (also having cancelled the insurance). Judge took a very dim view of such appalling behaviour (his words not mine)

I remember seeing a Reddit story the other day where a wife had a FOF, and her husband was literally working himself to death. He asked if they should downsize to make things more manageable and she said no (effectively to maintain her FOF and lifestyle at the expense of his health)
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1aiz9x8/aitahfornotgivingmyhusbandmyescapemoney/

So i guess the question from me is, how many in here consider it a 100% separate account, never to be divulged/used in the marriage... and how many would dig into it to help out in dire need.

As for 'my' FOF, we have a communal pot, but all the rest is in each other's personal accounts. So basically we both have one, but that's not really the purpose.

I have a grand total of 46p 😭 but I also have salary sacrifice for work, £40 a month x

I did have. (Now a 65 yr old widow.)

I’m building one. My great grandmother used to call it ‘rainy day money’

My Grandmother (married 4 times) gave me on just before my wedding. She said that it was important to have and you never know when you might need it. Thankfully I have never needed it but it’s sitting in an account in case my daughter ever does.

Yes. I'm the higher earner and could just about afford to live on my own but I have a decent FoF just in case. He thinks I earn about 7k less than I actually do (and i never tell him about my bonuses) and he sponges off me constantly and he pays for his parents shopping out of the joint account which infuriates me, so I see my FoF as balancing that out.

I did in all previous relationships.

Now I am married to DH I have much more disposable income of my own, but feel no need for one. All my savings are transparent and used for the both of us.

My friend is moving her guy into her house - dya know the name of the form please ?

The mortgage company provided it and it was signed by me, my partner and the solicitor. I’d get her to speak to her mortgage provider.

alternatively he can sign a cohabitation agreement or a lodger agreement.

How does this work if married though? Don’t you have to declare it in a divorce?

Hell yes. Years and years ago, possibly when I was a teenager, I saw a TV programme which was presented by quite a flamboyant gay black man (in case anyone remembers it too...).

He said - have six months of your salary sitting in savings in case anything goes wrong. I've lived by that ever since and it's especially important for a woman I think. I've been able to leave a man who was no good because of it, plus I easily rode through a redundancy in my late 20s.

I'm teaching it to my children, and I just took my daughter (15) to her first shift at a local cafe yesterday! So proud 🩷

Yes, but of course before marrying someone you'd take that into account as part of your decision-making process... you'd think anyway. Not happy with the idea? Don't get married then.

Or hide it in cash in a shoebox at your mum's house so he never knows about it. Or buy bitcoins and keep them on a USB stick.

Always had access to a few months full living expenses from a very young adult. Now I am older I have at least a years expenses for rent, food and all bills.

@Toothicktounderstand I have a couple of friends divorcing, all money has to be declared and there is a financial form and it’s the finances being sorted that’s causing some delay. So far the divorces are taking almost 18 months and 6 months. One of my friends has rented a house round the corner and her children are living between the two houses. It’s a lot easier than the friend who is having to share the same space a lot of the week with her STBXH. She does sometimes rent an AirBnB and has been having a lot of weekends away with friends, her adult children have all left home already.

That's absolutely wrong.