Do u have an f off fund

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Do you have an f off fund - to ' enable ' / ' allow ' you to leave a toxic job or toxic relationship ?

I don't want to be pedantic but we don't know where OP lives.

Setting one up was the first thing I did after leaving an emotionally, verbally and financially abusive relationship where I’d been trapped by shared debt (accumulated by him) for years. I never want to be in that position again.

I will ensure that both my kids have and maintain one.

Yes, same here. My salary goes into my own account and then most of it goes straight out into the joint account for bills, family spends, savings etc etc - but I have my own long and short-term savings accounts.

Alvin Hall ??

Yes but it's not just to walk away from relationships, it's to make all aspects of life easier. Walk away from relationships, bad jobs, emergency fund, private for health care, if a loved one needs help - it's a fund for bad situations to make them easier to deal with. Not everyone is lucky to have spare income but if someone is - would greatly recommend.

Yes and it did help me to be able to leave my marriage. I need to build some just in case job wise but I wouldn't leave my job without getting another .Plus I work for the NHS and NHS bank too so I consider myself safe.

Yes @hattie43 thank you! Maybe flamboyant was the wrong word but very natty bow tie at least 👍

And thank you Alvin, such simple advice but I've stuck by it and I'm now teaching my children the same.

Yep.

i had this debate with one of my friends not long ago and she told me it was a very sad way of thinking. I split up with my partner of 10 years nothing nasty but having my own pot has helped when money has been tight. 100% I’d make sure now I’d have enough to start over before joint savings. She disagreed and said it’s really negative way of being in a relationship. Then I asked if her and a partner have shared savings and she said no!!! Why because he prefers it that way and was how his parents did it. So made me feel shite about having g something but her own savings is ok because her partner doesn’t want to share…aka his own fuck off fund

I have , not sure how this panned out but it's worked for us for years . We have a joint a/c that all household bills are paid from and which only dh salary goes into .

My salary goes into my sole a/c and I dd the cost of council tax over to the joint a/c.
That's the only outgoing I have , so technically I have a decent f/off a/c .

My mum's always had one for me. She told me when I was getting married, which sounds quite callous but it wasn't - she just wanted me to know I could always get away from anything quickly if I needed to. I haven't had to touch it, thankfully.

All our savings are joint, but I could clear my share of them at a drop of a hat if I wanted to. I deal with all the finances (occupational hazard). My husband's not very interested in the various pots and why they're where they are.

No. Given that dh hasn't shown the slightest hint of being toxic or abusive in 20 years of marriage, I doubt that's going to be a problem. In any case, I earn as much as he does and I work in a shortage sector. Also our mortgage is very nearly paid off, so I would get a decent amount if we sold the house and split the money. We have shared savings, and our salaries are paid into our individual accounts which then pay into a joint account for all bills.

Not for years but I realize the importance of having one so do now.

The basic FoF would be 3 months rent/deposit with 3 months worth of bills/food and enough for bed and cooker/fridge replacements. All that would have been spent months before any legal declaration would have to be made. It is so you can escape, not to live the high life.

Unfortunately I didn't have a single penny in my name so I've had to save a tenner here, a tenner there, from the food shop. Which will be impossible to do in the next few years due to a cashless society. And that makes my blood run cold.

@WelshBookWitch good grief - that even trumps the arse I lived with who stripped out ‘my’ house whilst I was at work

I have a savings account for myself that DH puts money into every month but that’s it.

Yes, some of it was in a drawer under the bed for a while.
Now it is in a bank account.