Cheating need opinions

[mumoftwoboys321]

just curious if you found out your partner was a scum bag and cheating would you tell the other persons partner??

I really hope so would love him to feel just half of what he has made me feel. Thank you for being nice it means a lot

@mumoftwoboys321, I really hope you are not going to leave this man in the blind state that OW has put him in.

Doesn’t he deserve to know, just as you do?

I haven’t done anything at this moment Iam trying to get through a day that has almost toppled me more than once I will probably message the husband but definitely not today as I don’t think I have it in me to shatter someone else’s life although that will be on his wife just need to focus on me and my boys today

I did. I felt they had a right to know and to get themselves checked for stis.

Yes, probably.

I do think he has a right to know as nobody deserves to be a shit on, but today isn’t the day today it’s just me and my kids I will message him when I’m ready and I can cope with the next fall out as this next week is just gonna be one crap day after another, I’ve given her the chance to tell him.

Do not send any of the photos to him, if you have them. You would be at risk of revenge porn by sending them.

I would let him know that you have photos, but not share them. Let him know that you will not risk being accused of sharing revenge porn, but will keep the photos for your own use and if he wishes to take legal action, the court can subpoena them. I would also offer to meet up somewhere very public (in case he brings the OW) and show him if necessary.

but whos to say who will believe who

Yes, absolutely. If some tart took part in destroying my relationship you better believe I'd make sure hers was destroyed too.

She might warn her partner that “poor Bens wife is a paranoid nut job” if she suspects you will go ahead.

Tbh that wouldn’t stop me. I would tell him very calmly and factually, with zero emotional language. He deserves to know.

I definitely think you should tell him, I would tell him and in his shoes would want you to tell me.

@mumoftwoboys321 How are you doing? Has your husband returned to your home or made any contact?

I really hope you are doing ok.

I’m plodding along thank you for asking, he’s has come back to talk so asked some questions that I wanted to know he answered got all upset and apologised I thought some of what he said was the truth let him sleep on the sofa, looked through is phone and it’s all still on there even though he said it was deleted and the works do Friday he still went ahead and met her they had the whole day together so all I got yesterday was lie after lie after lie. Seen as much as I’m willing to look at listened to all I’m going to listen to, guess Iam that much of a mug and he really is a piece of shit!

That’s outrageous. He still met her, ignored you all day and came back and apologised whilst still lying and cheating. What was his excuse for meeting her? Is she not worried you will tell her husband? Has he accepted he has slept with her? This behaviour is crazy.

You need to tell someone in real life. Your family should know how you are being treated. If he can lie this easily this is not the first affair he has had in my opinion. I can already tell he will not be nice about it if you split but you cannot be treated like this. This is not love.

He has only answered some very small easy questions then he got upset and I had to tread carefully as my young son was in bed, after I snooped I woke him and he wouldn’t answer anything still claims he’s not slept with her well the naked photo of her on a bed says otherwise, don’t think she is he’s probably told her I’m a twat and wouldn’t do that and they both don’t think I have his number, I’m not ready to say any of this out loud. The sad truth is I’m always at fault yet the realisation is if he’d invested just a fraction of the time he put into her and let’s be fair god knows how many before her we wouldn’t of fell apart but he didn’t he treated me like crap knowing I’d be there to look after the kids always believing his crap and forgiving him, I have got so much I need to sort and arrange but I now know I’m not to blame I just wish I could switch everything off and not feel all what I’m feeling, thank you for checking in on me that’s really sweet of a stranger to do that. No this is not the love I want but this is the only love he clearly has.

I hope you know you deserve better than this.

I do know that now
the penny has finally dropped and have seen enough proof of it all.

Yes tell them

How are you getting on @mumoftwoboys321?

Good days and bad days thank you for asking having the final chat in a couple of days think I’ve got everything ready for my next step finally took a little longer than I’d hoped, seems I’ve been a complete div to a lot of things and he still thinks I’ll believe his lies that are clearly lies funny how now some of what has been going on is in the open he’s all upset and apologetic and wishes he could turn back time, I’m just grateful to have my children they are my strength to find away forward

What has he admitted to? Has she been in touch again? Is he being transparent with his phone or is he just expecting you to take his word? I know it doesn’t really matter as you have enough proof that he’s a arsehole.

I’m so sorry you are going through this. Know that this pain will fade eventually once you are away from him and can gain some peace.

Have you decided whether to tell her husband?

Pretty much only the things I’ve found proof on what a surprise, reckons he never slept with her although had the intentions to yeah because I’m that stupid I’ll believe you, claims they haven’t had any communication recently don’t think that true but can’t be sure think he believes I’ll believe whatever he tells me which just makes me feel so much worse, I haven’t messaged her husband she said she’d cut all contact so if that’s been the case I won’t bring this pain to his door if they are both still lying then as I told them I will be telling him and sending him the proof non of the graphic stuff I’ve just been trying to process everything while trying to put on a brave face for the kids I’ll be glad to get to the weekend and get the new chapter started and not having to pretend anything is normal when everything is falling apart inside

Seems very believable that he took a picture of her naked on a bed after storming out the house to spend the day with her then suddenly got a conscience and didn’t touch her.

Honestly I think the fact he thinks he can treat you like an idiot is worse than actually sleeping with her. At least it makes your decision easier. His behaviour is not redeemable and he’s not even tried to act genuinely remorseful. It’s likely the tip of the iceberg. Normal people (even cheaters) don’t act like this. He isn’t good at lying but it still seems pathological. Have you told anyone in real life?

This is not the end of your story but the beginning of your strong independent woman era.

i know I mean you book a hotel room she’s naked you photograph it but couldn’t do it I mean how stupid does he think Iam! He really does think he’s good at lying and that I’m as dumb as they come, not yet will be telling the children on Saturday then family and friends after I’m done covering for him and being the muppet that keeps picking up the pieces, going to be asking to see the phone tonight just to see what reaction it gets and if he’ll let me, then my new me and my new life begins Saturday morning think I’ve got that part ready to put in place