Cheating need opinions

[mumoftwoboys321]

just curious if you found out your partner was a scum bag and cheating would you tell the other persons partner??

Then I would tell him, but that's me - you will have to deal with the fall out.

Sending hugs and strength

I would tell him, she’s lying to your face so you owe her nothing.

I’m so sorry @mumoftwoboys321 i remember your last post where he denied cheating and couldn’t understand why you weren’t letting it go.

What’s his end game? Leaving without discussing it? Clearly she is hoping you won’t tell her husband. I say let it blow up and see where the cards lay. Either it will force them together or she will be scrambling to save her marriage and dump your husband. Either way don’t let him come back. Does he have parents? Tell them what has happened and that he needs to stay with them.

I wouldn’t tell her husband. I would want to, and I would probably fantasise about it. But I wouldn’t. You don’t know what lead her to do it, what her reasons were or anything about their private life. And she could react with fury. She should decide to be vindictive and do something to you out of anger. Or the husband could. You just never know how very angry, very impulsive people might respond to being in a situation like that. So for your own good I’d just get on with your life.

Def tell the other partner. They may have a gut feeling but need proof etc. they may be completely in the dark. You have no idea unless you get in touch and update them.
I do hope you are ok though. How utterly heartbreaking.

I have no idea what the end game is but would love to know the answer to many questions all of which I know there’s no point in asking as he’s been lying to my face for weeks
all I know is he is very good at lying but when lying there’s always a trace left and it took me long enough to twig probably because I didn’t want to believe it to be true, have a feeling he’ll either come back as if nothing has happened or won’t come back, he has parents and I will be speaking to her at some point just feel I need to take a few days to get my head right as it’s a complete mess the only thing I know for sure is my kids are my priority and they come first above all else but family I can’t tell them just yet

I will be messaging him in a day or two when I’ve got my head straight I do not want to come off as a crazy bitch, but I do believe actions have consequences and as a person who this is happening to I would want someone to tell me
im sure I’ll be fine have no choice but to be

He was not the man you thought he was. The person you loved did not exist. He systematically lied and gaslit you and would have continued to do it if you had not found irrefutable proof. You are right that you won’t get the answers you need from him I.e. the truth.

But his actions tell you all you need to know. He did not place the value on you and your family that he claimed to. He has no problem lying and betraying you even after he saw the damage it had caused. And he is a coward who can’t even face you when he was caught. That is not a man worthy of you. It hurts and you need time to process. But get yourself legal and financial advice as soon as possible. Don’t let him leave you financially vulnerable.

When you feel ready I would contact her husband and suggest you meet as you have something you think he may want to hear. If he chooses not to take you up on it that’s on him.

My honest opinion, unless they are cheating with my mother or my sister I wouldn't give a toss. I've been cheated and that was enough to process for me.
When someone hurts you that bad you need to put yourself as a top priority to recover. Once you are recovered, depends if you are looking for drama or revenge.

the piece of information we're missing is do you know the other guy to talk to, because then its just a normal conversation to tell him why your splitting up with your Cheating partner.

its a little more complicated contacting a stranger etc, but absolutely he should know, just keep it factual and leave any crazy out of it otherwise it will consume you and become a revenge mission.

and understand that he may or may not act on that info if they have kids etc, they may work something out and that's fine too.

it takes two consenting adults to cheat so its not all her fault.

No I firmly blame him more but she is just as guilty but my anger is at him couldn’t careless about her, while I’ve been sat her today thinking things through I would want someone to tell me but why I don’t want is to be labelled crazy or doing it out of spite but being lied to and cheated on is not ok especially while the unsuspecting mugs (me and her husband) look after the children while they are not giving a shit about anyone but themselves.

I do not know him well enough to have a conversation with as I say only met them a year ago and I haven’t spoke to her husband since and haven’t had contact with her since Christmas

thats why i suggest if you dont know him just drop a factual message to him, keep the emotion out of it and leave it to him to decide what he does with that information, he might not even respond, so investing yourself of what happens next between them is not healthy, but know its also outside of your circle of control and influence so dont let it consume you.

@mumoftwoboys321, please do the right thing and inform OW’s Partner asap. You will not seem like a crazy person. You will be bringing him out of the dark and returning his agency to him. You will be giving him the opportunity to protect his health.

He has the right to know the truth and to make his choices accordingly, just as you do. Give him the information that you have.

I would contact him today, but don’t give your H a heads up. Try to use a platform that OW cannot intercept. Why wait? You two have been duped for a good while now. (I read your thread about the valentine with their photo.)

Your cheating, gaslighting H is a shitty partner and a shitty father. Show him the door, @mumoftwoboys321.

Yes, but do it for the right reasons. Don’t do it because you want her life to implode, it’s about the other partner deserving to know.

Thank you for all your comments what has been a very long draining horrendous day I have found comfort in your reply’s

Oh come on !

Its quite clear from what OP has said that she is doing it out of revenge and to cause the harm and hurt to OW that she herself is feeling.

She can't stop that being her motivation.

She has no idea what is going on in that woman's life. She can be sure there will be terrible impacts on the kids of her informing the husband.

I just would not do it.

She needs to keep her focus where it belongs - on her cheating partner.

Though, from what OP has said, her partner was a controlling, jealous man and she lost all of her friends due to his jealousy. OP may be hurting now, but in the long run she has got free of a controlling man who deliberately isolated her. If the OW does shack up with this man, she will be his next victim.

OP is the winner here.

If I was doing it for that reason I would of already contacted him but I haven’t and I’m not sure if I even will as the thought of making someone else feel the way I feel is not something I wish on anyone. I may be angry and sad and god knows what else but I’m not a spiteful person I treat people the way I would want to be treated.

The winner?

That's really weird way of thinkin
Most people would be angry at not being told, at being left in the dark while other people knew.

I believe you. I'm so sorry he's done this. You sound absolutely lovely and you are worth so much more than him.

It’s not OPs responsibility to protect the OW from the consequences of her own actions. It doesn’t matter what is going on in her life it doesn’t excuse hurting those around her. Why should her husband be left in the dark? If he can accept her infidelity and move on then that is for them to decide.

It’s natural to want the OW to face the reality of her actions when they have had such a devastating impact on you.

I really feel for you @mumoftwoboys321 it’s an awful position to be put in. Just take each moment at a time.

Has he not contacted you all day? Did you respond to the message from the OW?

Thank you

Nope nothing guessing I ment that little and he’s a coward who isn’t going to face up to what he’s done! Yes responded to her message told her that she’s full of shit didn’t mean for anything to happen was just a freind yeah of course that’s why she sent topless pictures and god knows what else so told her they are welcome to each other as they both share the same values in life asked if her husband would be happy with her behaviour, she didn’t respond after that far to many people out there with no standards or values, I’m having an evening with my munchkin and he and his brother are all I need just be glad when the light at the end of the tunnel emerges

He’s not just abandoned you but also his children. When he looks back on his life, he will know deep down what a piece of sh*t he is. You can hold your head high knowing you lived by the values you promised and put your family first.

Today is a dark day but there will be happier days ahead. Hold your little ones close and know that is all the love you will ever need. And one day I have no doubt you will meet a partner worthy of you, who will show your boys what it means to be a real man. Future you will look back on this and be thankful you found out when you did and didn’t waste any more of your life on him.

I wish someone had told me; and I ceased to have anything to do with those who knew and didn't tell me.