Dating older man?

[ThatQuickLion]

Hi everyone!
I'm 22, met M34 during my friend's party. We talked to each other and I liked him. But I've never dated someone that much older. What red flags should I look out for? He has no kids as far as I know.

Is he working whats his aim and ambition who does he live with. He should drive own a car work and have qualifications i.e trades is he agency? Does he live with mum and dad? Does he use drugs? Does he drink and to what extent

What a bizarre response.

These are good questions and exactly what I'd be finding out i am simular age. I've had a man at 30 without any of this drug use no car i had to pay for lessons and teach him, no job in and out honestly so a man at this age should have everything I've suggested

Yes, those are sensible questions, you do not want anything to do with an unemployed man who drinks too much alcohol, takes drugs and sponges off his parents.

Men can tend to become fairly tedious post 45 don't waste your best years with an old fart

Very strange assumptions that he would be an unemployed alcoholic druggie, living at home and sponging off his parents, who doesn't own a car and can't drive anyway! Bloody hell, why not make him a tripple murderer and arsonist as well. The OP hasn't told us anything about him and I think she was asking whether the age gap should be of concern.

Sure, but unemployment, heavy drinking and drug use would be as unattractive at 22 as at 34!

And the ‘trades’/agency or whatever is deeply odd. For all we know this man is a vet or geography teacher or a banker.

I've said ask and find out and be mindful of the red flag responses. Has he been to prison if so why clares law and Sarah's law.

If relationship blossoms and you love each other, no red flags.

I’m going to assume you’re joking here, @Fluffypotatoe123987. Are the men in your circles particularly likely to have done prison time for violent and/sexual offences, be unemployed, heavy drinkers and drug users who live with their parents, that these are the first things to enter your head?

DYING WITH LAUGHTER

Whilst that made me laugh out loud I totally agree. 12 years is a big difference esp at your age.

I’ve been in a similar age gap relationship and I wouldn’t.

I found he went for someone much younger as he was controlling and grumpy. He wanted someone who would put up with his shit, and he wanted everything his own way.

I'd be looking at his dating history. If he has a tendency to date younger women or would you be the first one.

My husband was text book perfect but we grew apart i have a really good job and this 'man' was introduced to me i thought i could save him he was my project. I'm fed up with him at minute (hence my angry posts)
Prison at 21
Homeless when met moved in with me I was vulnerable after splitting with husband
In and out of work
Not driving he can now and has a car and that thanks to me.
No qualifications til I helped with those.
So yeah I'm in the process of finishing but yano it's not easy when they are volatile.
So any man of this age I would expect 1. Car 2 driving licence 3. Own home or rented 4. A job and qualifications so can get into another job should it finishes. 5. Drug and alcohol status.

I think you need to be careful that you don’t fall into being the “student “. If he has had a lot of life experience, eg travel, property etc you can end up feeling that you’re forever being taught something. Your experiences together can feel out of sync because he’s done it, seen it & I don’t necessarily mean in a nasty way but it can be hard to validate your life stage.
I went out with someone 12 years older and found I began to seem older because for example, where we socialised was more sedate so the way I dressed followed suit. He was a nice man but I called it off because I wanted to be 22 not 32.

Ex husband functioning alcoholic, pays for his kids and sees them I'm t total and text book boring but I like the nicer things. Hey ho I got a 2nd addict anyways what I've said is valid.

But @Fluffypotatoe123987 — respectfully, those were your own poor decisions. Own them. Most women would not look at a homeless ex-prisoner who couldn’t hold down a job and had no qualifications and think ‘Project!’ Especially after being married to an alcoholic! (Is this the husband you also describe as ‘textbook perfect’?)

I wouldn’t go for a generational (10 years +) age gap relationship as their outlook has always tended to be different to mine and they were keen to rush me into having children when I still wanted to be free and having fun.

Other women enjoy being that much younger and are happy in these relationships but not for me. Men seem to age and get grumpy quicker than women IMO.

He was til he started drinking the last 2 years of marriage we were married 11 years together 16. I got rid of him when he became a functioning alcoholic.
Point being I'm.not projecting you asked me a question i told you. Yes poor choices i was vulnerable as is op shes young hes older. But what is wrong with her asking these questions and keeping them in mind. He's 34 he should have all of them and if not why not.

Why is a 34 year old not dating someone of his own age? Are the 30 something year old women avoiding him for some reason?

When there's such a big age disparity the younger person needs to be careful.

As other posters have said, it might be because the age difference creates a power/control imbalance in the older person's favour.

Personally I would be very wary of making this initial conversation more than a friendship.

At 22 you have not had the life experience this chap has, if you choose to get involved romantically tread carefully.

The fact that you're 22 and he's 34 is red flag enough

I spent a year aged 23 with a man ten years older. We had a great time. He was good for me, completely adoring and gorgeous. However he did have issues - no steady job, regular weed smoking, sharing accommodation. When I was aged 33 I would not have looked at him, my priorities had changed.

Exactly why my list of questions for op is valid.

Not bizarre at all. Good, sound questions. Why is he single? What’s his relationship history? How does he speak about exes? DH is 17 years older than me and it works fine but I was 35 when we started dating. (Although I have to agree with @Userengage that he is becoming grumpy now he’s past 60). A 12 year age gap is more significant at 22 as PPs have said due to life experience and where he is in terms of wanting children, settling down etc while you’re still very young. If he’s not stable and financially solvent by 34 I’d run a mile. If he speaks badly of exes definitely run a mile.