Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Why does my married coworker keep talking to me about his wife?

147 replies

JollyMintSnake · 26/03/2025 21:41

I’m just trying to gather some insight on why my male coworker keeps mentioning his wife when it’s completely irrelevant. It’s to the point where bringing her up feels unnatural and forced. Like, we could be talking about a new piece of equipment at work, for example, and he’ll mention how “the missus/the wife” loves tulips. It’s gotten to THAT level of irrelevance.

For some context, this is a coworker that’s seems to be fairly attracted to me. I don’t flirt with him or try to pursue him in that way whatsoever. It’s worth mentioning that we talked almost daily in the same way for several months and he never mentioned her, or that he was married. Most of our conversations are casual small talk, and 95% of the time, we’re talking about something work-related. On the rare occasion, we’ll vent to each other about things, but those are also work-related.

I’m just wondering what could be the cause of him mentioning her in this way? It wouldn’t strike me as odd if the wife mentions had some relevance to the conversation, but it’s always something completely unrelated to the topic.

Some things to mention:

  1. He usually starts conversations with me, and they are very, very platonic, so I wouldn’t think he’d feel the need to mention her. If I was being flirtatious with him, I’d completely understand.
  1. He just started doing this about 6 months ago, the entire year prior, he’s never once mentioned anything about her, now it’s usually at least once or twice a day.
  1. In the last two months, we’ve gone from loose acquaintances to buddies, mostly because we get to work/leave at the same time.
OP posts:
AllotmentTime · 27/03/2025 00:26

He's tempted and he's trying to prevent himself thinking of you in that way, by redirecting his thoughts to his wife. Do the guy a favour and back off further!

Dery · 27/03/2025 00:33

As PPs have said, he’s doing it to draw a boundary. Perhaps because he sensed you fancied him or because he mildly fancies you but either way it’s to draw a boundary. I do the same by referring to my DH in conversation.

Awakeatnite · 27/03/2025 00:34

Someone I know keeps doing this as well but they’re always slagging their wife off. I don’t say anything

glitterturd · 27/03/2025 00:35

He's been enjoying the banter previously but he has panicked that you are getting the wrong impression.

pizzaHeart · 27/03/2025 00:36

I agree with PPs that he tries to reinforce boundaries as he thinks that you fancy him. It didn’t occurred to him before but now someone pointed it out to him e.g one of your colleagues.

SapporoBaby · 27/03/2025 00:59

He fancies you and often when men fancy a woman they assume the woman fancies them back. They start misinterpreting smiles and tone as flirty.

Sounds like he’s attracted to you but wants to remain loyal to his wife despite having convinced himself you’d be all over him if he wasn’t married.

SapporoBaby · 27/03/2025 01:00

Oh, sorry I’ve just read that you were initially pursuing him. In that case it’s similar to what I said except he hasn’t assumed anything.

Fraaances · 27/03/2025 01:26

I think he’s contemplating bad behaviour and when he remembers that he’s married to her, he talks about her to try and create a boundary. It seems he is having an emotional or physical affair with you in his mind. Maybe she’s cottoned on and gave him an ultimatum.

Marchitectmummy · 27/03/2025 02:00

You sound young and more interested than you are trying to present here - I suspect fishing for people to reassured you that he is interested in you. My husband is mentioned often during the working day, or was pre us having children. It's normal for that to happenwith some people.

Tbrh · 27/03/2025 03:16

What a weirdo. Maybe he think you like him or maybe he's just boring and has nothing else in his life going on to talk about

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 27/03/2025 03:31

I do this when I’m trying to let someone down gently.

I invented a husband when I was single and it worked like a charm.

I think he sensed your interest and brought her up.

Middlechild3 · 27/03/2025 04:32

Either he thinks you fancy him,
Or he's been attached so long he's forgotten that a woman can talk to a man without it being anything other than politeness or friendliness and is trying to dissuade imagined romantic interest.
Or he fancies you, thinks/knows it's mutual but doesn't want anything to happen.

SerfwithaT · 27/03/2025 04:32

If you weren't interested he would be just a bloke talking to you, but you're thinking about it a lot.

He knows you're thinking about him a lot, he's not encouraging you.

You claim you are 'buddies' now, why wouldn't he mention the woman he lives with and is with all of the time to his work buddy?

He's not weird it's just you expecting him to never mention his actual wife.Who he lives with.
Which is weird

SerfwithaT · 27/03/2025 04:38

Why are you NOW arriving leaving at the same time? IS that you doing something?

Guavafish1 · 27/03/2025 04:39

Yes - maybe you can get more info about his lovely wife?

SummerDaysOnTheWay · 27/03/2025 04:42

Idontjetwashthefucker · 26/03/2025 22:17

Maybe he started mentioning her because he knew you were interested and he's not?

This.

Changeissmall · 27/03/2025 04:51

We had a bloke at work who did this. Was to everyone though. He was a bit odd and very flirtatious in general. The whole office called him ‘My Wife’. Because half his chat started with that!
We just thought he was really proud to have landed her. She was his prize and he couldn’t believe his luck.

Notsosure1 · 27/03/2025 05:06

JollyMintSnake · 26/03/2025 22:59

That’s not my point. I fully expect a married man to talk about his wife, and vice versa. It’s the way he’s bringing her up.

For more context, here’s an example:

We were talking about work yesterday while leaving for the day. I mention how the day was dragging and how I know I’ll be busier the following day (basically just telling him all the inventory I needed to go through). We laughed about it for a sec and he was looking at me very intensely, After that, he replied to my comment briefly then immediately says he’s been having trouble changing his wife’s tire. I think he said “the wife”, and “the missus” like 3 times within a few sentences. This kind of stuff happens constantly.

another day, he was hanging up a poster and he put a lot of effort into it, so when he was done I just said it looked nice. He thanked me and went off on some random tangent about how “he took his wife out to lunch and they were hanging up a poster too”, like soooo out of the blue.

If we were talking about what we were doing after work, or anything where mentioning that would be relevant, it wouldn’t pop out as being so forced and unusual.

Show quote history

He said they were hanging up a poster 🤷‍♀️

Helpforthosethatneedit · 27/03/2025 05:11

I'd suspect she's pregnant/ had a miscarriage. He's thinking about her and desperate to tell you, but not allowed to.

Notsosure1 · 27/03/2025 05:18

JollyMintSnake · 26/03/2025 21:41

I’m just trying to gather some insight on why my male coworker keeps mentioning his wife when it’s completely irrelevant. It’s to the point where bringing her up feels unnatural and forced. Like, we could be talking about a new piece of equipment at work, for example, and he’ll mention how “the missus/the wife” loves tulips. It’s gotten to THAT level of irrelevance.

For some context, this is a coworker that’s seems to be fairly attracted to me. I don’t flirt with him or try to pursue him in that way whatsoever. It’s worth mentioning that we talked almost daily in the same way for several months and he never mentioned her, or that he was married. Most of our conversations are casual small talk, and 95% of the time, we’re talking about something work-related. On the rare occasion, we’ll vent to each other about things, but those are also work-related.

I’m just wondering what could be the cause of him mentioning her in this way? It wouldn’t strike me as odd if the wife mentions had some relevance to the conversation, but it’s always something completely unrelated to the topic.

Some things to mention:

  1. He usually starts conversations with me, and they are very, very platonic, so I wouldn’t think he’d feel the need to mention her. If I was being flirtatious with him, I’d completely understand.
  1. He just started doing this about 6 months ago, the entire year prior, he’s never once mentioned anything about her, now it’s usually at least once or twice a day.
  1. In the last two months, we’ve gone from loose acquaintances to buddies, mostly because we get to work/leave at the same time.

In the last two months, we’ve gone from loose acquaintances to buddies, mostly because we get to work/leave at the same time.

How did it follow that you became buddies? What led to a stronger connection bc you arrive and leave at the same time?

SerfwithaT · 27/03/2025 05:38

Notsosure1 · 27/03/2025 05:18

In the last two months, we’ve gone from loose acquaintances to buddies, mostly because we get to work/leave at the same time.

How did it follow that you became buddies? What led to a stronger connection bc you arrive and leave at the same time?

Show quote history

Why were you not buddies when you were trying to fuck him?
OP he is not interested and you are obsessed.

That's why he's mentioning his wife.

When you realised he was married why didn't you detach? Why are you now buddies? Who declared you buddies? Why are you now arriving and leaving at the same time? After you had a massive crush on him why weren't you avoiding him out of embarrassment?

None of your story makes sense. HE IS MARRIED AND NOT INTERESTED

SerfwithaT · 27/03/2025 05:42

He doesn't have a pet rabbit does he?

BreatheAndFocus · 27/03/2025 06:29

It sounds like he’s trying to ward you off, having spotted you fancy him. I’d be a bit embarrassed at that. Why not give the man some peace and back off from the chat? It should be easy to dial it back a notch or two and reduce the amount and frequency of chat. You’ll probably then find he mentions his wife less.

SocksySocks · 27/03/2025 06:40

Maybe start dropping the word 'threesome' randomly into the conversation and see how he reacts.

Like if he says, "did you send Joe Bloggs those two invoices", you reply saying, "actually there was three invoices so I put them all in the same envelope, all snuggled up together like they were having a threesome".
Depending on how he reacts, maybe add a little wink.

Wantitalltogoaway · 27/03/2025 06:46

JollyMintSnake · 26/03/2025 22:59

That’s not my point. I fully expect a married man to talk about his wife, and vice versa. It’s the way he’s bringing her up.

For more context, here’s an example:

We were talking about work yesterday while leaving for the day. I mention how the day was dragging and how I know I’ll be busier the following day (basically just telling him all the inventory I needed to go through). We laughed about it for a sec and he was looking at me very intensely, After that, he replied to my comment briefly then immediately says he’s been having trouble changing his wife’s tire. I think he said “the wife”, and “the missus” like 3 times within a few sentences. This kind of stuff happens constantly.

another day, he was hanging up a poster and he put a lot of effort into it, so when he was done I just said it looked nice. He thanked me and went off on some random tangent about how “he took his wife out to lunch and they were hanging up a poster too”, like soooo out of the blue.

If we were talking about what we were doing after work, or anything where mentioning that would be relevant, it wouldn’t pop out as being so forced and unusual.

Show quote history

He fancies you and knows you fancy him.

He’s scoping you out for an affair. Mentioning the wife is to a) make you jealous and keep you hooked and b) make you very aware that’s what you’d be getting into.

Swipe left for the next trending thread