Found out a newish friend smokes crack - wwyd?

[Dooberryraspberry]

So I made friends with an older woman last year and in particular started to ride her horses as she'd broken her leg. I adore the horses and see her and them three times a week.

Now, no judgement, this woman is late 50s and a traveller, can't read or write. She'd told me in chats she used to be a heroine addict and I'd noted an alcohol problem but frankly it's none of my business if she wants to drink special brew at 9am. I grew up with alcoholics and know not to get involved/try to help/change or enable.

We get on well and I adore the horses, it gives me a much needed break from real life problems!

However she recently admitted she likes smoking a crack pipe. I realised that when she says she's "going for a wee" at the stables, she is in fact having a quick smoke.

Now I feel really uneasy. The horses are well cared for and I like going there etc. But should I cut ties/withdraw from the relationship?

I have said to my DH I won't take my daughter up there and will be careful, but is there any other precaustion I should be taking?

Oh English traveller not Irish. Definitely crack she said she "used" to smoke.

Based on your history and own declarations, you are too vulnerable and an unconscious magnet to difficult and troubled people. ( I get it).

You're going to be driven by strong feelings of empathy that this person may not possess. People who are empathetic with a trauma history like yourself tend to magnetically draw towards people who will trample all over them, take advantage and cause psychological distress. I'm telling you, this is going to be such a dynamic for you.

So, I would pro actively look at every other place that you might access horses and find an excuse to pull away entirely from the lady, the location and her horses.

I understand why you mentioned the traveller element. Let's not all be holier than thou. We make judgements and maybe they're wrong to make, but it is something I myself might think hhmmm,what does that lifestyle involve and does it align with my values etc.

It doesn't affect you , just continue riding the horses. She's functioning and ensuring they are well looked after

I wouldn’t personally be involved with anyone on crack.

Due to her being a user, it will all very likely end up in tears one way or another.

At the moment she’s on her best behaviour.

You can vape both weed and coke in this modern world, could be that

Are you sure it's crack and not cannabis?

Either way, I would steer well clear of this lady, regardless of her horses and nice nature. She'll be buying the drug from someone somewhere, and that could lead you into precarious waters. Unless it's weed that she grows herself? That would be ethical, I think.

You probably also realise that addiction is complex and people are not straightforward and also can have redeemable qualities even when they have awful life experiences and have done awful things. Society is very quick to fall into the addicts= bad people attitude but we are still dealing with fallible individuals …hence why I know it’s not a black or white situation for you. I was always incredibly comfortable working in mental health and with very troubled people because it is all so familiar to me and it’s taken me a lifetime to try and focus on not being so addicted to being around high emotional states and choose a quieter ,calmer life …I’d still be more likely to walk towards someone having a mental health crisis in the middle of the street than to walk away!

I’d just tell her you have no interest in drugs and don’t really want to hear about her use. And then crack on as before and enjoy the horses. No pun intended but I enjoyed it

Yes it most definitely is.

OP distance yourself asap.

I always think if you lie with dogs, you catch fleas. You’ll come unstuck with her at some point or another.

Nice adage.
Yeah will start to look elsewhere.

I absolutely don't condone dealing or the supply chain and have never used myself. However I have extensive experience of functioning ish later life long term crack addiction. It's absolutely nothing like weekend coke use which I think is real arseholery.

This woman is probably quite harmless but don't find yourself in the position of owing her anything or being owed. Keep a mental balance sheet and receipts if appropriate. Generally speaking, addicts can be bloody manipulative.

Don't spend too much time listening to her troubles or life story. Penny to a pound she'll go on forever and your time is valuable.

See it as a horse welfare role and being friendly and polite to her, that's your boundary, rather than a close friendship. Doesn't mean you can't like her as a person, addicts are people too but just keep her at a mental arms length.

Keep your child away. See it as a poisoning risk in case she gets hold of any drugs. Nothing more.

I would also think of am exit excuse to dial things back once she starts being able to do more. I think at least check in and ask whether she still wants this arrangement to continue when she's able to ride again.

Key point she isn't necessarily a bad person because she is an addict. However, you will need to manage this interaction. There may be a long history behind her addiction. People generally don't just pop along to a crack tasting and get hooked. This may mean she has dysfunctional relationships and attachment issues (these don't necessarily have to be anything worrying for you but I would suggest planning ahead if you wish to wind down this arrangement).

I wouldn't want myself or my child to be anywhere near a crack smoker tbh. That is absolutely a deal breaker.

Through family members, I mean, not personally.

Just hope you aren’t there if she gets raided…..I wouldn’t go back

Raided? By the police? Because she’s got some crack for personal use? Give over.

And even in the faint chance in hell this happened what does it matter to op?

As George Washington wisely said: "Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence"

I'm fairly relaxed about what people choose to do with their time, but I wouldn't be getting pally with a crackhead.

The fact that she's telling you would concern me, like she's testing your boundaries.

I’d run a mile from anyone who touches crack.

She said she "used to", I just suspect she is using again based on sneaky behaviour.

But I agree, boundaries are being tested. I will be robustly dismissive.

Crack really is in a different ballpark to just about anything else. Anyone who uses it will be surrounded by all sorts of chaos and dodginess you really don't want spilling over into your life.

See I'm a weed smoker and even I frowned.

It's a hard drug which makes me very wary. But I guess only you know what she's like to be around.

You wouldn't know I smoked talking to me, I don't smoke to that level, you'd have 0 clue. If she's a bit a like that, and you like her, then just continue as is with your boundaries firmly in place.

Ethical Crack? Are you having an ethical fucking. Laugh?

I’m sure they would know. People who smoke weed stink to high heaven. You can smell it on them in shops etc.