Found out a newish friend smokes crack - wwyd?

[Dooberryraspberry]

So I made friends with an older woman last year and in particular started to ride her horses as she'd broken her leg. I adore the horses and see her and them three times a week.

Now, no judgement, this woman is late 50s and a traveller, can't read or write. She'd told me in chats she used to be a heroine addict and I'd noted an alcohol problem but frankly it's none of my business if she wants to drink special brew at 9am. I grew up with alcoholics and know not to get involved/try to help/change or enable.

We get on well and I adore the horses, it gives me a much needed break from real life problems!

However she recently admitted she likes smoking a crack pipe. I realised that when she says she's "going for a wee" at the stables, she is in fact having a quick smoke.

Now I feel really uneasy. The horses are well cared for and I like going there etc. But should I cut ties/withdraw from the relationship?

I have said to my DH I won't take my daughter up there and will be careful, but is there any other precaustion I should be taking?

Broadly I'm happy hacker. Having a lovely gelding to ride out a couple of days a week suits me, so not caught up in the horsey wold. But yes I appreciate she'll be known.

I ld run a million miles away.

Would you hang around a crackhouse if they had nice chickens out the back?

The draw here is the horses, they are not yours, nothing in life is free. At some stage she ll be stuck for money and will think you ve been getting a free ride and will seek compensation.

Her dealers could show up while you are there, or if she is dealing, she could be raided while you are there.

Between the improperly cared for horses, the drug use, the injuries, and the ethnicity (yes it does matter, traveller women are a very vulnerable group and the community have known links to criminality and depravation) there are many causes for concern. You are bringing these risks into your daughter's life, simply by being around all of that.

Buy your own horse.

Crack is different from the cocaine people use at parties or on a night out 😱

I wouldn’t want to be friends with a crack addict. Especially just so I could ride her horses.

Nah, she's smoking it, not snorting it

I would carry on, but keep the relationship horse based. Is there any financial transaction between you? Does she pay you to care for the horses? Do you pay her to ride them? That would make me nervous.

I wouldn’t share much about your personal life, where you go, what friends to keep, details about your DH and DD.

If you enjoy the horses, don’t give that up, but have your wits about you. Don’t lend money, any belongings or get too involved. Stick to chit-chat and horsey stuff.

Pffff seriously?
Most people do not want anything to do with druggies as they tend to be unreliable as well as having no respect for the law. It's better to not have such people in your life they only ever bring trouble.

Thanks for all the responses. There is no real financial arrangement, I covered the farrier fees as I wanted to hack on the road. I'm helping as she can't muck out or ride at the moment.
I'm inclined towards slow fade as she gets physically more able. I know I should be stronger and just say sorry can't help any more but I don't want the horses to come to any mistreatment if she can't care for them at the moment.
Definitely not taking mu daughter there at all now and have location sharing with DH when I'm there (it's a half hour drive away).

It's the same drug in different forms I think @PutitDownandReadaBook , and both are highly addictive. What I meant was is that it's not something the OP is going to gradually find herself getting involved in without realising, it's a definite choice to partake or not...and as she's clearly a sensible woman it should be entirely possible for her to measure her involvement with this friend and keep things where they are comfortable...and if they start not to be comfortable then she could reassess at that point.

Op, you don’t need this woman in your life. Move on from her and find another way to ride.

Bin them.

One to back off from, and leave room for other things in your life.

I'd be wondering what else she's going to casually reveal.

Yes, do the slow fade op. She might be a functional user now but crack is always a downward slope. My parent used for years and you'd never know until the end when he went completely off the rails. Hallucinations, etreme paranoia, aggression, violence, theft, you name it. It's a very sad situation as she sounds like a nice person.

They would no longer be my friend. I’d give pleasantries and nothing more as it’s not something I want to be anywhere near.

Do you pay her any money for your time with the horses? I’d be worried she gets into a tricky spot with money and suddenly you ‘owe her’. Be careful.

I'd walk away. It's not a life I would want to even be standing on the sidelines of.
Addicts are also unpredictable. I wouldn't be hanging around.

What a naive comment.

So she's been popping off, smoking crack, coming back to you, and you didn't notice? She's not getting good stuff!

Are you 100% sure she's not smoking weed and you got the wrong end of the stick?! Joints and vapes are more common people do smoke it through a pipe - Is she an irish traveler? Maybe you missheard/misunderstood craic

If she ever has an accident or anything when you're around here the police with question if you're on it too. I'd drop her like a hat find another stable !

@chaiformepleasei agree that it’s the same drug in different forms, but I think crack is much more dangerous. I’ve also used various drugs, including coke, on nights out in my younger years. But I really think crack, is a different kettle of fish and OP needs to be very wary.

I live in an area where crack use is a big problem. It’s much more addictive than regular cocaine….probably more like heroin. People who use it can become desperate and will do all kinds of things to get their next hit. Including manipulating other people. And the dealers can be terrifying people, who will exploit anyone, by any means, to expand their market. They will exploit naivety or any kind of vulnerability (think cuckooing etc). Violence is normal for these people.

OP’s friend may not be a dealer, and everything might work out fine, but there are so many risks in this situation. Maybe I’m being a bit paranoid, I accept that…..but all of that free horse riding, may become a debt that will need to be repaid at some point. And how the debt is repaid will not be the OP’s choice.

Personally I would back out of this friendship now.

Oh hell no.

@chaiformepleaseit is exactly the type of thing that OP could find herself very involved in, before she realises it. And that applies , even if she doesn’t use any of the crack herself.

It's very more-ish apparently.

I don't think I'd be able to be friends with a crack head. The ones I've met have been absolutely off their neck. I guess there's a slim chance she could be doing it in moderation but it's not really that kind of drug. As Superhans from Peep show says, it's very moreish. Definitely don't try it!

I'd be wary if I were you but I mean, you like her anyway and if you didn't know you wouldn't have guessed. The Special Brew at 9am plus the crack must render her a bit fucked though surely? I guess not if she's got a high tolerance.

I'm not savvy on these things, she's not gone long enough for a joint, she nips away so frequently and always sneaks something with her. It's not booze as she drinks that openly. I assumed it was a quick inhale on a pipe. She smokes cigs too but openly. Perhaps I am mistaken but trust your gut right?

I'm trying to work out the finances of buying one of the horses off her and keeping him elsewhere at the moment!

I do generally believe in giving people a chance. She's a human being, she's generally very kind and we enjoy each other's company, most conversations revolve around the horses. She cares for her older partner (92) as well.