Mobile phone concerns in new relationship

[Saoirse1969]

I started seeing someone new around a month ago and it has moved fairly fast. I won't waffle on too much at this point with background, but essentially there is an age difference of around 15 years between us, he is older than me. I am in my fifties, he is in his sixties.

Cutting to the chase here, all going well in general, mutual attraction, having a good laugh, a really good laugh actually, he seems very intelligent, which is always very attractive to me if I can have deep conversations with someone. Good chemistry in general. Some issues, but nothing I couldn't see getting resolved and/or worked around. I've stayed at his place 4 or 5 nights now, something around that, not in a row.... but I've noticed a distinct pattern. His alarm on his phone goes off for work, fairly early, he knocks it off and then picks up his phone to go to the bathroom. But he leaves it on the banister outside the bathroom. He's in there for all of 5 minutes if that, brushes his teeth as he showers the night before. Then comes out and picks up his phone and comes back in to get dressed.

I'll wait for the opinions on here before I add more as I have asked him about it as I find it very odd that he obviously feels the need to move it out of my way for all of 3 to 5 minutes. His response was very odd... off actually... but I'll wait before I post it.

What do you all think?

Well his response was basically that it's a habit, but the odd part of the response was that he likes his phone to follow him around the house. Well not odd, he was trying to make light of it, make a joke out of it.

This is extremely normal too? I've joked that leaving my phone in another room is like leaving one of my arms in another room (especially to DP who rarely even knows where his phone is at any point). I'd make a joke of it because it wouldn't occur to me that someone would be genuinely concerned over the whereabouts of my phone.

Is your friend usually a shit-stirrer? She thinks she saw him with another woman three months before you started dating him, and on the basis of that and this phone non-issue, she's insisting you dump him?

FYI I've been at events with male friends who I'm definitely not dating and they've helped me with my coat because they're polite, I guess.

Exactly what I said! 🤣

The damage from your previous relationship / betrayal can show up in ways you don't expect and often unconsciously.

I would really examine the feeling you are having and if it comes from something your partner has done or past trauma.

Yes! She's either jealous, after him herself or wants you as her single friend to socialise with without having to work around any relationship of yours.

Is your friend trying to stir it? Maybe she's jealous you've met a nice man. There's nothing wrong with him having a date or being out with a friend last November! He's not trying to hide you away now is he. Trust your own gut not your friend's and try not to be overly suspicious because of what happened in the past. At least wait until or if he gives you real cause for concern.

Honestly my take is your friends a shit stirring cow and you’re letting your past trauma potentially ruin this relationship with your insecurities.

Maybe you’re not ready to move on and have a new relationship yet until you are properly over your past.

She saw him THREE MONTHS before you started dating him, and just so happened to remember not only seeing him, but that he helped some woman on with her coat?

Yeah right. Who remembers stuff like that? Why would you even look twice at someone doing that, let alone remember the exact circumstances.

I might think it's odd..like why not just take it into the bathroom with you. But after a month of dating I wouldn't ask anyone anything about their personal phone habits.

Your friend sounds like she's talking rubbish

@Saoirse1969 - your friend sounds like she has an agenda and not a good one. Sounds like she wants you to remain single.