Has your partner ever said he hated you?

[DoesthislookgoodOnMe]

Exactly that. Had a petty arguement with my dp which brought up a few unresolved issues or things i harbour resentment towards. He said to me “ You’re going to make me hate you”. I don’t think there’s any going back from that. He’s not sorry either, I told him I was upset at work and he said “ I hope that’s because you upset me”.

No, not in 40 years.
We might not have liked each other sometimes, but have never used the word hate.
If it's just petty stuff, discuss and get the unresolved issues sorted (if they can be).

Thanks for replying. I am just so upset and am at the office just feeling empty tbh.

No. 29 years together and neither of us has ever said that. Your partner sounds like a spiteful, manipulative tosser to me, I’m afraid. You’re not responsible for his emotional state and he should not be threatening you.

I was with my late OH for 15 years. We'd get angry and shout sometimes but never insulted each other or said things like I hate you.

We tried to structure things like "I love you but when you do x it makes me feel like y"

Arguments should be you and him working together to find a solution to a problem that makes you both happy.

That is a horrible thing to think and say. What is your situation OP? Perhaps you could do a little bit of planning/research about living your life without someone who hates you.

Edited to add: I actually did feel hatred for my ex before we split...is your DH looking to split, do you think?

I was with my ex h for 19years ( 12 of those married) and although he was an awful person, he didn’t once say he hated me.
@Sulu17 I have my own home, good job, 2 term dc.
I am shocked, I never thought he’d say that to me. He’s been under pressure recently and we’ve been bickering, together almost 5 years but don’t live together.

Context is he provoked me as was querying a small amount of money on our credit card. - £2.50 to be exact and it made me see red about big things that upset me. Mainly how tight he is tbh. I am really generous, I have him on my private health care, pay tax on it and share all my subscriptions. He was meant to treat me to something and when the time came he said he would ( after an argument) and then I just paid for it in the end. He got angry with me as it was one of his DCs birthday so yes my timing is wrong here. But I said to him, we’ve been together so long and I hate it being so transactional. So not using joint cc anymore. I cannot be arsed with it.

Tightness is never a good look. Thank goodness you don't live together.

Agree because their nature in general won't generous either imho.

@Sulu17 @Becauseofit yes exactly. He’s generous with his time but re the “treat” he was meant to book for me. He sent me a link with all the prices and if that was me I would have just said, don’t worry about the money just tell me what should book for you. Instead I got annoyed with him and he said he’d pay but then it got booked on my card and that was the end, he prob let out a sign of relief and I just felt so under appreciated and disappointed. Empty gesture.

I know people come in here for more serious reasons but I can’t get my head around him saying that to me. He hasn’t apologised. He’s sent me some one message asking if I have a phone protector glass! Ffs! This is what I mean about the tightness.

This goes a lot deeper. He's foul.

No, but he has said im unloveable

Stingeyness is such an ick! Is he stingy in other ways OP?

All the ins and outs don't matter... No, in all the years he's been my DH and the ones before being my dp, the man I love and spend my life with had never even approached the ballpark for that kind of comment. You deserve better op.

He didn't say 'I hate you,' but 'You're going to make me hate you,' which is a forceful way of saying that he's getting angrier and angrier at what you are doing.
But whatever, it sounds as if you are unhappy with him for quite a few reasons. Maybe it's time to either suggest couples therapy or think about whether you want to stay with him.

Just don't bother continuing to date him, the entire point of having a boyfriend is for enhancing your life in every capacity.
Enjoy life free of some gormless, angry bloke.

You’ve blocked / stopped the joint cc I hope?

I was meant to go and stay over for a few nights but I’ve told him I won’t be going over to his tonight, he’s saying now he loves me but not thanks, no apology or anything. He’s done it all on text doesn’t have the balls to be a man and call.
@FumbDucker yes, he is stingy in other ways, he refused to put the heating on last week when I went over and then berated me for putting fan heater on and wrapping myself in a blanket. I defended myself on this, I was cold and couldn’t warm up .., it was too late to drive home that night. I’ve had cold over weekend so il home now with heating in full blast and I’ll stay here:

I know I’m saying all this but I am really upset. Another 5 years wasted after a massive chunk wasted on ex H. I think it’s my fault, I set myself up for failure by doing too much for partners.

Oh yes, I learned this one. I will never allow myself to be taken for granted again.

The more people get away with something, the less respect they have for you.

These five years weren’t a waste- you learned a valuable lesson about self respect and self-worth.

You’re going to make me hate you

To me, hate is almost the least bad word in this sentence. The worse ones imo are going to, which to my mind makes it a threat or ultimatum to coerce you into behaving how he wants from now on if you want to avoid the consequences, and make me, which is his way of absolving himself of any responsibility for his actions. Never mind his stinginess. He's trying to control you. If you overlook it, it will only get worse.

I’ve just blocked him. He sent me the money for my treat which I sent back and messages escalated. He said I was making him angrier and angrier and I told him we should have a break. He’s saying I ruined him enjoying his dcs birthday. He basically kept telling me to not to text then continuing to text me to shut me up.

Exactly this, thanks for giving me the clarity of why it upset me without me being able to articulate it properly.

Hmmm.. If my husband said that I would retaliate with "let's finish it now before it gets to that stage and I would mean it" fuck that for a game of soldiers.