One night stands [Title edited by MNHQ at OP's request]

[LemonDuck223]

How do you not get attached. Me and a guy met through friends last night for the first time. He doesn't live close to me over 1 hr a way. We both said we didn't want relationships atm but we then slept together and spend all day together. First guy I've felt comfortable and safe with in such a long time.
I guess I feel a bit sad that it couldn't be anything more.
Could anyone give me tips to not get emotionally attached in situations like this. Wish I could be a boy and compartmentalise stuff like this as it would be much easier to deal with

Don’t spend time with them after you dtd!

Yeah, leave in the morning.

Don’t shag random men?

The typo in the subject line makes this thread sound like an ode to bedside tables: “ On nightstands. “

Too bloody late now!
And btw you’re wrong on 2 points: being able to compartmentalise isn’t a man / woman thing, and if it helps at all - an hour or so shouldn’t be a barrier. It’s still close enough to do things spontaneously and get home afterwards.
Keep talking

Some people can have no strings sex without any emotions involved and others can’t. It’s working out for yourself whether you can or not and then, if you know you get emotionally attached, you accept that ONS don’t work for you.

I realised years ago that I wasn’t cut out for casual sex and so it just wasn’t worth putting myself through it.

It’s for you to work out if ONS work for you or whether they’re not worth it.

The distance is closer to 2 hours than 1.

Well it was a bit hard as we both wanted to hang out with out friends

I've reported the title to change it

You have sex with them and then either you or they leave.
It's just sex, perhaps ons aren't for you.

Appreciate it for what it is. You had a great time and it’s a good story to tell your friends. Don’t put any pressure on it to be more than it is or fantasise about being in a relationship or seeing each other again.

Maybe something develops naturally but the worst thing you can do is put any expectation on that when you both said it was a one night thing.

Whatever you do….DO NOT MESSAGE HIM FIRST. Men like the chase.

I think some people are happy with one night stands and others aren't. I would just avoid them if you feel bad or conflicted afterwards. I had some when I was younger, and always found it best to be clear - say goodbye after breakfast and don't exchange numbers/socials.

Just oxytocin innit. It'll pass.

Why can't it be anymore. People say lots of things they don't mean. If you like him suggest a date but don't beg

We both said we didn't want relationships atm

If you truly meant that, then you wouldn’t get attached. You need to be honest with yourself and others.

Maybe ONS aren’t for you.

Tell him you had such a great time you'd actually like to see him again? Alternatively don't have ONS, they work for some people and don't for others (they don't for me).

I agree OP, I think men are much better at comparmentalising sex. Having reached the age of 68 and not having led a particularly sheltered life (quite the opposite) these are my findings for what it's worth.

He might not contact me though because I said that same thing but he wants to contact me. I don't know.
For months I've been happy alone, was not looking for anyone and then this man appeared last night. Now I'm really confused

I understand that but generally unless he’s very insecure men enjoy the chase. I’m sure I read somewhere that the stress of the chase leads them to fall in love 😂.

if he liked you enough he’ll message. If he didn’t he won’t. If you message him, you’ll likely get ghosted or fobbed off. Don’t give him that power.

'First guy I've felt comfortable and safe with in such a long time. '

You barely know him and you are putting h yourself in potentially dangerous situations by having one night stands.

Grace Millane springs to mind. Beautiful 22 year old woman went on a date with a man doe the first time then went back to his hotel and he murdered her.

I just never did. Sex is a fun physical activity for me, and has no impact on my feelings about a person.

However, what you had wasn’t a one night stand. You seem to be straying into friends with benefits territory. And that isn’t something I’ve ever done. IMO, if I like you enough to be your friend and fancy you enough to have sex with you, then we might as well be in an actual relationship. If, first any reason, that’s not feasible, that’s obviously fine - but no sex will be happening.

This is my friends very good friend which they have known since little and we stayed at said friends house. I would never ever had a one night stand with a complete stranger because as you say it's dangerous.

I’ve had a few years ago - how can you feel an attachment after one night? You don’t know them at all.

It's oxytocin from the orgasm - it's a potent feel-good hormone that is released with orgasm. It's very addictive for many women. Men tend to get dopamine surges because they feel achievement when they orgasm. Their brains are overall not as susceptible to oxytocin. These are vast generalities of course - some women can have sex and it feels good but they can remain completely emotionally detached (I'm one of them).

OP, ONSs are maybe not for you.