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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Lodger arrested on suspicion of r***

182 replies

CaramelMacchiatto · 22/03/2025 10:21

Not sure if it's ok to post here but I need some advice. My lodger of 4 weeks was arrested in the middle of the night. Total shock. Following day he was released and police were telling me, in strong terms, when I said I refuse to let him stay overnight, that I'm breaching the civil law by not allowing him stay his notice period. I simply cannot believe this. I refused anyway, being a woman I don't want to take any risks, and refuse to have under my roof someone accused of such crime. When they brought him home to collect a few things it 100% felt they were protecting him , not me, so I can feel safe in my own house. It was clear they were advising him to seek advice in relation to his civil rights. Has anyone got any advice on this, please?

OP posts:
Justkeepingplatesspinning · 24/03/2025 06:53

He might be in a cell at the police station or a bail hostel some way from where you are, and unable to get to pick up his things. Or he's too ashamed (whether he did it or not) to come back and face you. Can you contact the female officer who visited you to ask if he's been held?
I'd do as others have said, take an inventory of his things, pack them up for him, let him know via text or WhatsApp.

Elektra1 · 24/03/2025 06:57

I’d say if he ends up being charged with rape he’ll have a few things higher up his to do list than suing you for breach of contract.

Although others are right to say that lodgers have few rights, they do have the benefit of the rights under any contract signed with the landlord. If that provides for a set notice period, and doesn’t provide for that notice period to be disapplied in circumstances like this, then he would have a claim against you - but I’d be surprised if he bothered bringing it

Valeriekat · 24/03/2025 07:57

It is a shame that the police don't seem to know the law. Definitely trying to make things easy for themselves!

Motherearthisbusy · 24/03/2025 15:53

Why would anyone have a lodger when stuff like that goes on? How on earth can you really know who you are opening up your home to? Personally I would hate the invasion of space and privacy.
I do understand it’s a financial situation that mostly forces people into finding lodgers but seriously surely there are other options?

AliceMcK · 24/03/2025 19:50

AaaahBlandsHatch · 22/03/2025 22:29

Can I ask how you know these claims were false? I always wonder that, with claims like this.

I know the people involved in one case, very close with the family we grew up together. The case went to court, the woman had made previous false claims which were brought up in court. She also admitted she falsely accused him when presented with evidence. She did it out of spite because he had cheated on her. The knock on effect to him his family, who found out he was sexually abused as a child in court, his children, pregnant serving police officer sister, his job, it was horrible. I don’t believe he ever got over it.

Another case I was casually seeing a guy when he was arrested, he was really good friends with my TL at the time, I as part of a wider group of friends/ acquaintances that hung out, it was the 90s lots of clubbing and hooking up amongst the group. I’d been on the night out in question and was interviewed. Obviously none of us knew what happened when they went home together but the police told us charges were dropped we wouldn’t be needed. One of her friends told us it wasn’t the first time she’d “cried rape” and the police were charging her, not sure what with. I hooked up with him a couple more times after but never asked him. He was always nice, respectful and on one occasion I was so wasted he tucked me up in his bed and slept on the couch. I know that dosnt prove anything but it fitted with everything everyone in our group thought about him.

Final one irl I know was my DBs friend, he was a complete slut, would sleep with any woman he could, there was absolutely no denying he was not someone you’d want to be in a relationship with. I don’t know the ins and outs, I wasn’t living in the same country at the time so I only know what my sil and parents told me. He lived with my parents for a while afterwards because he struggled ( grew up in foster care). They all told me the accuser changed her story and agreed the sex was consensual after. I’ve no idea if there was a history on her side. I know him and in his youth he was very messed up, but his reputation with his friends was he’d usually pass out before being able to do anything with a girl.

i also worked in an industry where a lot of my wider colleagues were ex police officers, they told me many stories of false claims.

My experiences span 30 years, 2 countries and 3 major cities.

It’s very sad, but there are women out there that do make false accusations which makes it harder for real victims to come forward.

Feministwoman · 25/03/2025 00:49

Oh here we go, a rape apologist turns up, making excuses for rapist men.

Proper receipts, please, real statistics for your claims.

CaramelMacchiatto · 25/03/2025 21:12

Valeriekat · 24/03/2025 07:57

It is a shame that the police don't seem to know the law. Definitely trying to make things easy for themselves!

Not sure if they didn't know the law or were just trying to make it easy for themselves but I'm so glad I stood my ground. Thank you all for your comments, they definitely reassured me. I was completely shaken at first by the way the police dealt with this situation, at the end of the day when a threat of a potential court case comes from a person of authority, it's no surprise that you begin to fear the possible consequences for yourself.

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