Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Lodger arrested on suspicion of r***

182 replies

CaramelMacchiatto · 22/03/2025 10:21

Not sure if it's ok to post here but I need some advice. My lodger of 4 weeks was arrested in the middle of the night. Total shock. Following day he was released and police were telling me, in strong terms, when I said I refuse to let him stay overnight, that I'm breaching the civil law by not allowing him stay his notice period. I simply cannot believe this. I refused anyway, being a woman I don't want to take any risks, and refuse to have under my roof someone accused of such crime. When they brought him home to collect a few things it 100% felt they were protecting him , not me, so I can feel safe in my own house. It was clear they were advising him to seek advice in relation to his civil rights. Has anyone got any advice on this, please?

OP posts:
Discoprincess6 · 22/03/2025 16:40

There was a poster not so long ago on here that the lodger kept going into her bedroom and she’d caught him twice. I’m not sure on this bit so might have made this up but I’m sure he was going in her drawers too.

EdithBond · 22/03/2025 17:00

Legalities here: https://england.shelter.org.uk/housing_advice/eviction/eviction_of_lodgers_and_other_excluded_occupiers.

I suggest terminating the lodging agreement in writing (i.e. by email) with immediate effect, given the suspected criminal activity, which makes you feel unsafe in your home.

However, think it’s reasonable to box up his belongings and store them for a reasonable period.

MikeRafone · 22/03/2025 17:04

I dont know for sure but the police may have some duty of care if they release someone from custody who does not have a home to return to, so perhaps your decision has given them additional admin or made their day a bit harder. That is for them to deal with, they shouldn't have made their frustration known to you. You did the right thing.

This ^

You were in your rights not to let a lodger continue to stay in your home, there isn't a contract. It makes extra work for the police and they need to find him temporary accommodation and no doubt he is on bail and the address given for this was your address - so extra paper work and finding him somewhere else to stay

ThisLimeZebra · 22/03/2025 17:23

RatedDoingMagic · 22/03/2025 10:43

A lodger has very few rights. Your rights as the person whose actual home it is will always trump the lodger's rights. You are required to give "reasonable" notice but the word "reasonable" is not defined in any law. It is legitimate therefore to decide that in this case, "reasonable" notice is no more than the hour or so needed for him to make arrangements to collect his possessions under supervision.

Taking a parralel with the way that if an employer terminated an employment contract with immediate effect they usually give "pay in lieu of notice" where you get paid for a month without having to work, the equivalent if you really feel bad about booting him out would be to refund him a couple of weeks rent to enable him to get himself sorted elsewhere. I don't think you should feel obliged to do this though.

I wouldn't have a male lodger in my home as a single woman though. Make sure all future lodgers are female. Anyone can have a dark history.

Including females.

ThisLimeZebra · 22/03/2025 17:26

An accused r*pist of no fixed abode would usually be remanded into custody. Might that shed some light on the situation? If he stays at yours it will be his bail address.

ThisLimeZebra · 22/03/2025 17:28

Nessastats · 22/03/2025 11:04

Why would the police be giving you advice on a civil matter?

Show quote history

They need a bail address.

Original poster
CaramelMacchiatto · 22/03/2025 17:29

Longsummerdays25 · 22/03/2025 15:19

Maybe op avoided using the word to prevent others being triggered?

That was exactly my motive in here.

OP posts:
ThisLimeZebra · 22/03/2025 17:30

Anora · 22/03/2025 13:01

Definitely! My husband was called by a police officer a few months ago to say they had BIL in custody and wanted to release him to stay with us. DH explained that wouldn’t be possible as BIL has previously threatened to kill me and our one-year-old child so I have no contact with him (and DH very minimal contact). The officer then tried to argue with and guilt trip my husband into agreeing to have him to stay. Obviously my husband said no so the police had to organise a hostel for him which is presumably why they would have preferred to make it our problem.

Show quote history

This!

ThisLimeZebra · 22/03/2025 17:33

NoWayNoandNever · 22/03/2025 13:48

They don’t need to charge him to set bail conditions. He can be released under investigation so with no conditions attached while investigations continue or bailed with conditions post or pending charge. With something as serious as rape he would usually be bailed to an address so he is easily contactable (which is why the police have brought him home, to ascertain that he does live there) and conditions in place for the victim’s protection.

Show quote history

But no protection in place for his landlord.

PrincessofWells · 22/03/2025 18:18

ThisLimeZebra · 22/03/2025 17:33

But no protection in place for his landlord.

Show quote history

His landlord has the protection of excluding him from the property. How is that 'no protection'?

PrincessofWells · 22/03/2025 18:20

MikeRafone · 22/03/2025 17:04

I dont know for sure but the police may have some duty of care if they release someone from custody who does not have a home to return to, so perhaps your decision has given them additional admin or made their day a bit harder. That is for them to deal with, they shouldn't have made their frustration known to you. You did the right thing.

This ^

You were in your rights not to let a lodger continue to stay in your home, there isn't a contract. It makes extra work for the police and they need to find him temporary accommodation and no doubt he is on bail and the address given for this was your address - so extra paper work and finding him somewhere else to stay

There is a contract. Op decided to repudiate the contract on the basis of his alleged behaviour.

Letmecallyouback · 22/03/2025 18:38

FortyElephants · 22/03/2025 14:31

He's not a tenant. His 'contract' isn't legally enforceable by either party.

Show quote history

The point remains just because you write something doesn’t make it enforceable.

PsychoHotSauce · 22/03/2025 19:08

PrincessofWells · 22/03/2025 18:20

There is a contract. Op decided to repudiate the contract on the basis of his alleged behaviour.

Show quote history

You mean rescind, not repudiate, and she's perfectly within her rights. If a breached term "goes to the root" of the contract I.e. him not paying rent, then that's grounds for recession.

Hes not exactly good for the rent now, he needs that money for legal representation...

PrincessofWells · 22/03/2025 19:48

PsychoHotSauce · 22/03/2025 19:08

You mean rescind, not repudiate, and she's perfectly within her rights. If a breached term "goes to the root" of the contract I.e. him not paying rent, then that's grounds for recession.

Hes not exactly good for the rent now, he needs that money for legal representation...

Show quote history

No I mean repudiate.

What is repudiatory breach?
Not all breaches are repudiatory (even where a breach is considered “material”). A repudiatory breach is a breach of a contract which is so serious that it goes to the core of the contract and deprives the innocent party of its benefit. It entitles the innocent party to either:
terminate the contract by accepting the repudiatory breach and seek damages; or
not terminate the contract; and

  • waive the right to terminate, treat the contract as continuing and seek damages; or
  • waive the breach entirely and accept performance of the contract (which would result in the loss of the right to claim damages by the innocent party).
ThisLimeZebra · 22/03/2025 19:52

PrincessofWells · 22/03/2025 18:18

His landlord has the protection of excluding him from the property. How is that 'no protection'?

Show quote history

There seemed to be some debate about that on the thread.

PsychoHotSauce · 22/03/2025 20:15

PrincessofWells · 22/03/2025 19:48

No I mean repudiate.

What is repudiatory breach?
Not all breaches are repudiatory (even where a breach is considered “material”). A repudiatory breach is a breach of a contract which is so serious that it goes to the core of the contract and deprives the innocent party of its benefit. It entitles the innocent party to either:
terminate the contract by accepting the repudiatory breach and seek damages; or
not terminate the contract; and

  • waive the right to terminate, treat the contract as continuing and seek damages; or
  • waive the breach entirely and accept performance of the contract (which would result in the loss of the right to claim damages by the innocent party).
Show quote history

A repudiatory breach is an adjective. You used the verb which means:

To deny the validity of or refuse to accept

Shes not doing that, she can't legally deny a contract (even verbal) exists, because it does. That contract can be rescinded, because of the repudiatory breach.

HTH.

Original poster
CaramelMacchiatto · 22/03/2025 22:07

Discoprincess6 · 22/03/2025 16:39

You did the right thing of course you did. Tell you what, if they’re so concerned why don’t they take him home and give him a bed for a night with potential access to their daughters or sisters/wives.

Thank you!

OP posts:
AaaahBlandsHatch · 22/03/2025 22:29

AliceMcK · 22/03/2025 13:11

I think I can see this for a few points of view

The police - it’s a pain for them as they had to help him find accommodation which they didn’t want to do so we’re making you feel guilty about kicking him out. As someone said typically lazy police misogyny.

You - obviously you don’t want a rapist under your roof for your safety and safety of everyone who comes to your hose. Not to mention backlash you will face if it got out that you were harbouring a potential rapist.

Him - he’s been charged with rape and lost his home in one night. If he’s guilty then though, but what if he’s not? Being charged, doing the crime and being convicted are very different things. Right now he’s been arrested, do you know if he was actually charged. And even if he was that dosnt mean he is guilty.

Im only saying this as looking at all points of view and I am aware of several false rape claims irl that had a horrific effect on the falsely accused men and their families. It’s horrible to think about, but it dose happen.

From your position right now I 100% support you and agree with you, I would have kicked him out too. I also agree to changing the locks, but I’d probably allow him a few days or week to sort out his belongings and stipulate he only communicates with your DH and collects when DH is home.

Edited

Can I ask how you know these claims were false? I always wonder that, with claims like this.

AaaahBlandsHatch · 22/03/2025 22:37

Radish81 · 22/03/2025 16:19

You think he’d have been released if he’d admitted to it? Dear lord

The poster you're replying to is being deliberately obtuse. By bringing attention to the fact that he obviously hasn't admitted it (and of course hasn't been found guilty) they're pointing out that he's still innocent under the law, and presumably implying that OP should therefore let him in.

It's comparable to the famous "what did they say when you confronted them?" technique. It would be so much easier if people just said what they mean.

whattodoforthebest2 · 22/03/2025 23:52

Discoprincess6 · 22/03/2025 16:40

There was a poster not so long ago on here that the lodger kept going into her bedroom and she’d caught him twice. I’m not sure on this bit so might have made this up but I’m sure he was going in her drawers too.

That was me.

Slightly OT but yes he went in my room and through my clothes. I had no proof but felt sure it was him. He was a headmaster at a local primary school. When he kept being late with the rent I gave him notice. I later found he was in trouble with the police, DVLA and bailiffs were after him. He’d been driving without insurance. He was trying hard to get a job abroad but kept being turned down. He left my town and the school very soon afterwards.

Discoprincess6 · 23/03/2025 19:31

whattodoforthebest2 · 22/03/2025 23:52

That was me.

Slightly OT but yes he went in my room and through my clothes. I had no proof but felt sure it was him. He was a headmaster at a local primary school. When he kept being late with the rent I gave him notice. I later found he was in trouble with the police, DVLA and bailiffs were after him. He’d been driving without insurance. He was trying hard to get a job abroad but kept being turned down. He left my town and the school very soon afterwards.

Show quote history

That was mad. I’m glad he’s gone. Hope you can sleep now he’s not there x

Original poster
CaramelMacchiatto · 23/03/2025 22:27

Radish81 · 22/03/2025 15:58

Can’t believe your husband went to work today and left you alone in the home knowing that the accused lodger was out there and very much intended to return to the property especially with the police’s claim ringing in his ear

Edited

That was Friday night. He went to work being convinced that the police would accompany the lodger to the house so that he can collect his belongings and leave. This was agreed with the female police officer who visited that morning. My husband wasn't to know that the events would turn into me being bullied into letting the lodger stay and being threatened with the legal actions if I don't. He was absolutely furious when he learnt this.

Update: the lodger was supposed to collect all of his things this evening but didn't turn up. I don't know if it's because perhaps he had to be at the police station or just didn't care about vacating the room. I was hoping this would be over tonight but no...

OP posts:
JustMyView13 · 24/03/2025 04:50

CaramelMacchiatto · 23/03/2025 22:27

That was Friday night. He went to work being convinced that the police would accompany the lodger to the house so that he can collect his belongings and leave. This was agreed with the female police officer who visited that morning. My husband wasn't to know that the events would turn into me being bullied into letting the lodger stay and being threatened with the legal actions if I don't. He was absolutely furious when he learnt this.

Update: the lodger was supposed to collect all of his things this evening but didn't turn up. I don't know if it's because perhaps he had to be at the police station or just didn't care about vacating the room. I was hoping this would be over tonight but no...

Show quote history

Take an inventory of his things, send it to him and provide a date by which it should be collected. Usually think it’s 4 weeks. Then notify him it will be disposed of.
You definitely ought to speak to a solicitor though.

Radish81 · 24/03/2025 06:49

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Radish81 · 24/03/2025 06:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.