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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Lodger arrested on suspicion of r***

182 replies

CaramelMacchiatto · 22/03/2025 10:21

Not sure if it's ok to post here but I need some advice. My lodger of 4 weeks was arrested in the middle of the night. Total shock. Following day he was released and police were telling me, in strong terms, when I said I refuse to let him stay overnight, that I'm breaching the civil law by not allowing him stay his notice period. I simply cannot believe this. I refused anyway, being a woman I don't want to take any risks, and refuse to have under my roof someone accused of such crime. When they brought him home to collect a few things it 100% felt they were protecting him , not me, so I can feel safe in my own house. It was clear they were advising him to seek advice in relation to his civil rights. Has anyone got any advice on this, please?

OP posts:
thecatneuterer · 22/03/2025 14:26

Letmecallyouback · 22/03/2025 14:21

Be mindful though that you could add anything you like to the contract but that doesn’t necessarily make it enforceable just because it’s in the contract. Make sure it’s water tight and that any clause you do add to it is legally enforceable. I’ve known Landlord’s in the past think that because they said something in the contract it makes it legally enforceable.

Edited
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Very good advice for landlords who have tenants, but pointless advice for owner occupiers with lodgers. Lodgers have no rights - you can impose any conditions you like and evict them for no reason with virtually no notice.

FortyElephants · 22/03/2025 14:31

Letmecallyouback · 22/03/2025 14:21

Be mindful though that you could add anything you like to the contract but that doesn’t necessarily make it enforceable just because it’s in the contract. Make sure it’s water tight and that any clause you do add to it is legally enforceable. I’ve known Landlord’s in the past think that because they said something in the contract it makes it legally enforceable.

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He's not a tenant. His 'contract' isn't legally enforceable by either party.

rainbowruthie · 22/03/2025 14:32

CaramelMacchiatto · 22/03/2025 14:14

Quite a few of you said he has to be proven guilty however no one cleared him from the accusations at this stage either. I'm guessing there's an investigation going on. They wouldn't arrest him if the accusations weren't serious. And as one of you said, my priority is to make sure I'm safe in my own house.

Absolutely - I can tell you there is no way he would be staying in my house

LBFseBrom · 22/03/2025 14:35

I am sorry, op, and I believe most of us would have done the same as you, one cannot be too careful. Quite honestly it is very unlikely that your now ex-lodger will take you to task over this, that woiuld be too complicated.

However we must remember he has not been charged, or so that appears as he is not banged up at the moment, and the police may well have their doubts about his guilt which is why they were difficult. They shouldn't have been, frankly, it was unprofessional of them, I am surprised they even told you why he was arrested, but that's how it was.

It is past now. It must have been an awful shock for you and I am so sorry.

Original poster
CaramelMacchiatto · 22/03/2025 14:41

They didn't exactly tell me why he was arrested. It was myself and my husband who opened the door in the middle of the night, then the police were telling him about the nature of the arrest with all his rights etc. Otherwise there's no chance I would have known who's living under my roof.

And unfortunately this is still not over. Until he's collected all his belongings, I won't be able to relax. And locks are being changed too.

OP posts:
AgingLikeGazpacho · 22/03/2025 14:41

I'd be tempted to pay a few weeks at a storage facility to get rid of him, change the locks, and get a ring doorbell. I don't think I'd ever feel fully safe in my own home again if that happened to me, I'm so sorry OP that you're having to deal with this

AnSolas · 22/03/2025 14:45

SalfordQuays · 22/03/2025 14:11

@thankyounextplease accused of rape. On MN it seems the subject of rape is so taboo we’re not allowed to use the actual word. It makes those of us who’ve been actual victims of rape feel even more isolated. But most posters don’t care about that, and continue to dress the word up with lots of asterisks *

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It could be that the OP is using other SM which have autorestriction on some words like rape or gun or suicide

🌻

SalfordQuays · 22/03/2025 15:02

AnSolas · 22/03/2025 14:45

It could be that the OP is using other SM which have autorestriction on some words like rape or gun or suicide

🌻

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OP has been on MN for at least a year. I don’t think MN blocks any words. Admin will delete individual posts that break the rules.

TickingKey46 · 22/03/2025 15:08

O God how dreadful.
I recon the police have to make sure he is tracable and that there's not a risk of him absconding. Obviously not having a roof over his head makes him more likely to do that, I suspect it gives the police more work/paper work if you chuck him out.! I also think the police have a duty if care towards the guy. The risk of committing suicide , or re offending (absolutely not your responsibility btw) after being arrested for such a horrendous crime must be pretty high. Let alone the possible retalisation from others. All in all the police have lost all companion and just want to move on to the next job, kicking him out = more work for them.
Realistically I think he would have to take you to the small claims court, how likely is that? I suspect he's got much bigger fish to fry!!! Also what's a judge going to say??.
See if you can drop his belongings at the police station or possibly at hid solicitors office.
You've done what any women would do in this situation, please don't fret.

TaylorSwish · 22/03/2025 15:11

SalfordQuays · 22/03/2025 14:18

But this is MN. It’s not censored.
And nor should it be.
I spent years, maybe decades, muttering that I’d been “attacked”, so as not to make people feel uncomfortable by using the word rape. Then I finally realised it was nothing to be ashamed of.

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I am so so sorry that’s happened. I am also sorry if what I said made you feel bad in anyway, that wasn’t my intention. I am telling what I believe is the reason they censored their post.

Longsummerdays25 · 22/03/2025 15:19

Maybe op avoided using the word to prevent others being triggered?

BoiledOrRoastPotatoes · 22/03/2025 15:24

I feel for you, OP. When I was younger I had lodgers and they bullied me to the point that if they were home when I got home I would drive off and park up somewhere for a few hours until they were gone and then go home.

I went to Citizen’s Advice and they looked at me as if I was something off the bottom of their shoe and basically told me their service wasn’t for me as I could afford a house, and the lodgers had more rights to be living there than I did.

Thankfully they moved out of their own accord not that long after. These were 2 young women (uni age), so after that I only had professional males who gave me very little trouble. None of them were rapists (convicted or otherwise) as far as I know though. That must have been a massive shock for you.

i know what it is like to not feel safe in your own home and it is awful.

JustSawJohnny · 22/03/2025 15:42

CaramelMacchiatto · 22/03/2025 10:43

We do have a contract in place. I'm normal circumstances I would give him notice however I don't think this situation can be classed as normal. I'm just trying to protect myself but last night it looked like he had more rights than me, person who hasn't done anything wrong. I said this to the police.

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From a justice point of view, he hasn't done anything wrong yet. He's been accused of doing something wrong.

They were probably just pushing you to take him back so they could offload him.

Arguably not in your best interests but they won't see it that way.

JustSawJohnny · 22/03/2025 15:47

I'd love to know what the Police stance is on where the accused are supposed to reside in the (potentially long) run up to trial.

I know someone who claims to have been pushed by Police to 'do them a favour' and allow her partner, accused of abusing multiple children, some very young, to stay living with her before trial. I think it was about a year she continued to live with him before he was sent down. He admitted it to it all.

I can't imagine sharing a space with a person so disgusting, never mind sharing a bed with them, for 2 minutes, never mind months.

Something about it doesn't ring true, to me.

AnSolas · 22/03/2025 15:51

SalfordQuays · 22/03/2025 15:02

OP has been on MN for at least a year. I don’t think MN blocks any words. Admin will delete individual posts that break the rules.

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I dont thing MN blocks words either but some SM do and clearly I cant speak for the OP.

I read your other post and am glad that you have healed enough to put the responsibiliy of the rape with your rapist. And hope that your life brings you joy.
🌻

Blushingm · 22/03/2025 15:54

did he admit to being a rapist?

Radish81 · 22/03/2025 15:58

Can’t believe your husband went to work today and left you alone in the home knowing that the accused lodger was out there and very much intended to return to the property especially with the police’s claim ringing in his ear

Radish81 · 22/03/2025 15:58

Blushingm · 22/03/2025 15:54

did he admit to being a rapist?

Are you seriously asking that?

Radish81 · 22/03/2025 15:59

BoiledOrRoastPotatoes · 22/03/2025 15:24

I feel for you, OP. When I was younger I had lodgers and they bullied me to the point that if they were home when I got home I would drive off and park up somewhere for a few hours until they were gone and then go home.

I went to Citizen’s Advice and they looked at me as if I was something off the bottom of their shoe and basically told me their service wasn’t for me as I could afford a house, and the lodgers had more rights to be living there than I did.

Thankfully they moved out of their own accord not that long after. These were 2 young women (uni age), so after that I only had professional males who gave me very little trouble. None of them were rapists (convicted or otherwise) as far as I know though. That must have been a massive shock for you.

i know what it is like to not feel safe in your own home and it is awful.

Citizens advice had a point
you needed to secure legal advice at a cost to you

Blushingm · 22/03/2025 16:13

Radish81 · 22/03/2025 15:58

Are you seriously asking that?

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There have been known malicious accusations

Radish81 · 22/03/2025 16:19

Blushingm · 22/03/2025 16:13

There have been known malicious accusations

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Huh?

Your question was whether he’d admitted to it

Radish81 · 22/03/2025 16:19

You think he’d have been released if he’d admitted to it? Dear lord

nocoolnamesleft · 22/03/2025 16:32

Blushingm · 22/03/2025 16:13

There have been known malicious accusations

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Which are vastly outnumbered be accurate and honest reporting of rape for which the victim never sees justice.

HomeBodyClub · 22/03/2025 16:36

What would they do if he had no fixed address when he was arrested? Or if he had a partner that threw him out?

You can’t be forced to house him.

Discoprincess6 · 22/03/2025 16:39

You did the right thing of course you did. Tell you what, if they’re so concerned why don’t they take him home and give him a bed for a night with potential access to their daughters or sisters/wives.