No interest in me physically

[Floralfloralliz]

My boyfriend and I got back together recently after a couple of months apart. He is 50 and I'm 38. He's always been hard to grasp when it comes to sex. In the 6 years we've basically been together he's been through months of not wanting any sort of physical touch. To months where he's wanted sex 3 or 4 times a week. But it's been pretty dead for 18 months now and nothing I say seems to work.

I'm not unattractive. Men my own age ask me out. I'm not gorgeous. But I wear makeup. Smile and wear nice clothes. I wear perfume. There's no reason I can put my finger on that he wouldn't like me. But he just isn't remotely interested. All he does is pecks me on the lips and fall asleep with me on the sofa.

He's currently laid with his dog who's getting huge. That's another aspect. He just won't teach the dog to lay down on the floor. I've told him I'm fed up. But it's always made into a joke or he will say he's too big and needs to not sleep with us. But then nothing with that changes either.

We've had a nice day together but the dogs been stuck with him 24/7. He's just laid down with the dog so I've said I'm going to bed to read. He said they'd come through in a minute. I said no I want to read and be comfy. Him lying in here with his back turned to Me and a dog on my feet isn't what I want.

I've had enough. I'm so fed up. I can't force him. I know he has no desire for me anymore. But yet he buys me gifts recently. He cooks for me. He's done decorating etc. He is doing things. But I want a real connection.

I don't know what to do. Its making me moody.

Firstly the dog that’s disgusting, who sleeps with the dog in their bed?! Secondly get out of this farcical relationship. Have you had therapy OP? Please look into it, your self worth should not be tied up with this man. Get yourself some help, find yourself, go bloody enjoy yourself.

Also what idiot buys a cane corso!

Op, don't argue. This is how you end up with him and this dog back the following day or week...don't argue, it's not a discussion or negotiation - its you telling him. Tell him you're done. He is not going to change and this sounds miserable.

Of course they are. But not this one. Why are you chasing something that is clearly over?

Just read it's a cane corso. I wouldn't have a dog like that in my bed full stop. He may be a puppy now but he'll be an adolescent soon and surging with testosterone. His owner isn't training him properly. That's just dangerous.

Does he intend to move in with you? Just wondering if maybe you own a house and he rents or something and he rather fancies a home with you more than you.

It seems like he's offering DIY instead of romantic/sexual connection.

Anyway, no, a 50 year old men are not past sexual interest by any means, and it's not "normal" for his age.

It sounds like it's normal for him though.

Why keep trying to make it work with someone you're not happy with? Breaking up was the right choice, getting back together was a mistake.

The dog would be doing it for me. Move on. He is nowhere near a catch

There doesn't need to be an argument. Just tell him calmly that you're not happy in the relationship and are ending it.

I'm 55 and so is my boyfriend. We're capable of having a lot of sex. And do so. We are always snogging and touching each other.

Bit offended by this tbh, 50 isn't old!!! Your guy just sounds like a dick. Bin him.

He replaced you with the dog. If he won't put the dog in another room, at least while there's any kind of intimacy going on, then he really doesn't want to bother with sex. For most men that surely would be the obvious thing to do? If his libido has waned and he enjoys the companionship of a dog (many do) then I think you're going to remain unfulfilled and resentful, so you'd be better of wasting no more of your time on this man. None of this is the poor dog's fault.

The 50 year old men I know absolutely want sex, and cuddles too.
This guy is not a keeper.

Absolutely this. You split, you tried getting back together, but it’s not working. No need to go round and round on the reasons (you say you’ve been here many times with him) - you’re unhappy and that’s reason enough.

You said he’s at yours half the week. So if you can’t face the argument and if you can bear it for the weekend, you could wait til he’s back at his place then speak to him over the phone. Change the lock if he’s got a key to your place.

You’re an attractive 38 year old and people ask you out. You have choices that don’t involve dog piss on your bed.

With kindness you’ve been posting about this issue, with a large focus on the dog, repeatedly. Nothing has changed and it’s clear your partner doesn’t want to change his circumstances. Your clearly unhappy so what’s it going to take for you to do something about this?

Christ no. That's disgusting. No way would I allow his smelly hound on my bed.

DH is 10 years older than me (mid 50's) and his libido has definitely taken a dip in the last few years. He used to be an absolute sex pest when he was in his 30's/40's so it's been quite hard to deal with especially as my sex drive is through the roof. I sometimes think "is this it"? I think this is one of the problems of being with an older man. But I love him, we have dc's and splitting would be very difficult and also isn't so bad that we never have sex but it does piss me off and I can understand now why people have affairs.

I'd say get rid as you have no ties to him, you're too young for this.

It sounds as if you shouldn't have got back together

You're too young to be so resigned and gloomy. A different life is possible.

If you simply say you need some space and ask him to leave today, are you saying he would refuse? Otherwise, no argument, just moving forward.

If he would actually refuse then you need backup.

He's snapped at me about it. Saud I'm.alwaus having ago at him etc. Said he doesn't want sex at the moment because he's depressed and the last thing on his mind. Made me feel ignorant amd selfish for bringing it up. He said he wouldn't wanna sleep with someone always at him either. Which makes no sense as I haven't been and we've been getting on fine in other ways

It's a mix of cane corso and staffy. The came corso sounds like a terrifying dog if not trained. I am already noticing the dig crying if he nips outside to smoke and leaves him with me.

I would be out of this relationship and not looking back.

Oh come on OP find your anger and self respect and tell him and his dog to fuck off home and don’t come back.

Why on earth are you letting this inadequate man treat you like dirt in your own home?

You're 38 - in your prime and you’re wasting it on an old before his time bloke who cares more about an animal than he does about you.

Stop being a doormat and end this sham of a relationship

Just leave them to it then, be single.

@Floralfloralliz no need for a huge drama - just tell him to go to his place cos you’re spring cleaning yours. Then give your home a real clean up, message him that you are absolutely done, and block. Then treat yourself to something nice - even just a wee cake - and decide today is the day you stop letting people treat you badly. You deserve SO much better than this, but you won’t find it while snoring Sid and his pissy dog are cluttering up your house and you headspace.

Op, kindly. Why are you standing there listening to his reasons and allowing yourself to be talked into feeling ignorant about it. Are you ending it or are you waiting for him to change and see your point of view? Clearly the latter isn't happening.

Wow I could have wrote this , similar age gap I’m 40 he’s 50 and I am quite attractive , good body go the gym, get a lot of attention which he hates and am secretly sure he’d rather I didn’t go the gym at all, but there’s nothing physical anymore it’s just took a nose drive and I’m the same as I want and need more, maybe it is once they reach that age it declines , I’m kinda stuck as what I’m going to do about it, because I think it will get worse.

How are you stuck? Breaking up is never easy but in a developed country where there are social services and where women have equal rights, I can think of very few situations where it is impossible to leave a relationship - and any reason that makes sense to the person leaving is a good enough reason..