No interest in me physically

[Floralfloralliz]

My boyfriend and I got back together recently after a couple of months apart. He is 50 and I'm 38. He's always been hard to grasp when it comes to sex. In the 6 years we've basically been together he's been through months of not wanting any sort of physical touch. To months where he's wanted sex 3 or 4 times a week. But it's been pretty dead for 18 months now and nothing I say seems to work.

I'm not unattractive. Men my own age ask me out. I'm not gorgeous. But I wear makeup. Smile and wear nice clothes. I wear perfume. There's no reason I can put my finger on that he wouldn't like me. But he just isn't remotely interested. All he does is pecks me on the lips and fall asleep with me on the sofa.

He's currently laid with his dog who's getting huge. That's another aspect. He just won't teach the dog to lay down on the floor. I've told him I'm fed up. But it's always made into a joke or he will say he's too big and needs to not sleep with us. But then nothing with that changes either.

We've had a nice day together but the dogs been stuck with him 24/7. He's just laid down with the dog so I've said I'm going to bed to read. He said they'd come through in a minute. I said no I want to read and be comfy. Him lying in here with his back turned to Me and a dog on my feet isn't what I want.

I've had enough. I'm so fed up. I can't force him. I know he has no desire for me anymore. But yet he buys me gifts recently. He cooks for me. He's done decorating etc. He is doing things. But I want a real connection.

I don't know what to do. Its making me moody.

ridiculous. your house and you're on the sofa while he's in your bed with his dog.

you need to get rid of both of them in the am. This isn't working for me. Goodbye.

Feels kind of shitty. He painted my living room this week. Cooked me tea. Then I started sulking this evening because he laid down with the dog on the big sofa and I am feeling so resentful.

@Floralfloralliz oh dear God woman - throw the pair of them out NOW! A great big pissy dog ON YOUR BED and FURNITURE??
Just cos he cooked your tea or painted a room? You don’t owe him! Ewww - nothing is worth a pissy dog on your bed or furniture . And an impotent, sorry excuse for a man who prefers his untrained dog…you can do so much better than this. Being alone would be much more fun - and a lot less smelly!

I know but I was the one who went through. Then I've come back through here because I'm sulking. He was trying to lay down and go to sleep near me and I'm using reading as a way to reject that. I just went through to grt my vitamins. He's snoring away and the dogs sideways on my side of the bed!

I know I will have to tell him. We have very different ideas. I'm not sure what other people do with their dogs. I've not owned one as an adult. But surely they don't gave 24/7 rights to sit and lay with you at all times. Don't dogs have beds and is it really necessary to be on furniture all day with their head on a humans lap? Maybe it is.

Yes 50 year old men do want sex but this one doesn’t. This is a him problem not a you one.

Stop wasting your time and blaming yourself for his shortcomings.

End the relationship and work on your self esteem

@Floralfloralliz turf the dog off the bed, then wake up snoring Sid and tell him you’re done. Time for them to go - you didn’t sign up to be second place to a dog. If he says you’re jealous of the dog - so what?

Why on earth are you letting his dog rule your home? Tell him the dog isn’t welcome - I would, I have a no animals rule in my home

Him and his dog can go back home and cuddle to their hearts content and you can sleep in your own bed in peace

My husband is 52 and I can tell you there's nothing wrong with his interest in having sex or having cuddles! Yes, of course as men age, their interest decreases, that's nature. However, your partner's interest has declined over the last 18 months, and he's had periods of not being interested throughout your 6 year relationship. This isn't something that has suddenly happened, there's been periods of him not wanting any physical contact, but over time it's got worse. I don't think this has anything to do with your attractiveness. This is clearly who he is, and it may be that he's always had a low sex drive, and isn't bothered about cuddles etc. The dog is just being a dog, it's not his fault your partner hasn't properly trained him and he wants to be with him all the time. It may be the dog has separation anxiety (yes animals do suffer from this, especially if they are a rescue). You need to have a conversation with your partner, about boundaries with the dog and also his lack of sex and affection. If that conversation doesn't work, then I think you need to end the relationship.

Honestly, you could do a LOT better than this.. don’t waste your youth (and yes you are still young) on a frustrating relationship like this. Finish it now and yes it will hurt briefly , but one day soon you’ll be looking back on this and feeling so grateful that you ended it and gave yourself a chance for something better.

Fully agree. I'm nice to the dog. I really am. I bathed him today. I treat him with live amd kindness. He's setting him up to fail. Because he wont be a cute half grown puppy forever. He's gunna have his work cut out.

I agree that men his age still very much have sex and desires still. Its him. I've got to stop taking it personally. But it sucks. I've Bern here so many times with him.

Oh God OP, life is too short for putting up with this crap! Get rid of him and his bloody dog 🙄

Well you need to get off that merry go around if you’ve been here so many times with him.

The only conversation you now need to have is the one telling him it’s no longer working for you so he and dog need to go.

What on earth attracted you to this man in the first place?. Now his dog is further replacing you in his affections and he still does not have much of a sex drive either. Value yourself more than this. You are just convenient to him and he can and has bought you off by painting a room and giving you cups of tea. Again people tend to treat us how we are expected to be treated.

Feels kind of shitty. He painted my living room this week. Cooked me tea. Then I started sulking this evening because he laid down with the dog on the big sofa and I am feeling so resentful.

Do you think you owe him not to dump him because he did some painting?? No. You owe him nothing. A better man would have ended things years ago and told you to find a man closer to your own age who you could have a full relationship with. Have you discussed children at any point?

I know I will have to tell him. We have very different ideas. I'm not sure what other people do with their dogs. I've not owned one as an adult. But surely they don't gave 24/7 rights to sit and lay with you at all times. Don't dogs have beds and is it really necessary to be on furniture all day with their head on a humans lap? Maybe it is.

Even if he got rid of the dog tomorrow, the relationship would still be hopeless. It has however shown you that he's the sort of lazy idiot who would get a Cane Corso without adequately training it or setting boundaries. That's dangerous.

He thinks by smothering it with affection and love he will be socialised and happy.

I personally think he's teaching him that it's never normal for them to even be in a separate room. He's teaching him to be needy and anxious and feel entitled to 24/7 1st place.

You’ve (at best) have a friend there, not a partner/boyfriend.

the dog will always come first (and the relationship would be dead in the water if it kept pissing in my home).

Yet another reason to get him and said dog out of your day to day life.

Why did you get back with him at all?.

I'd have a serious think about this earlier question:

How would you feel if you were still in this situation by Christmas?

The time to end this and all the dreary, pointless discussions is now (tomorrow morning at the latest).

Yuk. That’s disgusting. No way would I have some old man’s smelly dog in my bed. Or even in my house.

Another idiot getting a giant dog that they can’t train.

Even if every man aged 50 stopped wanting sex (newsflash: huge majority don't) and it was perfectly normal, you could still say, sorry mate, this isn't for me. I can't imagine having a partner with a dog, especially one as badly trained as that.

Relationships should be fulfilling and make you happy with the world. This isn’t doing so. Honestly, just be firm and end it kindly.

An ex of mine had a dog by his side 24hrs a day, at his place it was allowed on all the furniture and slept in his bed. Gross. Even trying to cuddle on the sofa was impossible because the dog would prise itself in-between us!
At my house I set boundaries but even then most times after they'd gone I'd find dog shit in my garden.
Everything and anything we did we had to factor in his dog. Now I love dogs, but when they limit your life to the extent that YOU are sleeping on the sofa then they need to go.
You are so young op, please wake up and get rid of this miserable waste of space excuse of a bf, he is completely taking you for a mug.

You’d be surprised how many men aren’t interested in sex, its all over these forums and in actual life so many can’t get hard etc
Don’t believe the narrative that all men are obsessed with it

I slept in the spare room. I'm up already. I need to face up to things now. I'm severely unhappy with the set up. I can't go on like this. I'm constantly resentful and wound up. I need more than this. We will argue today I know we will. I've had enough

Good morning OP. Yes. Today should be the day you show him you are not going to be his continuous doormat…or the dogs!

Dogs, especially breeds like Cane Corsos are highly intelligent and need stimulation; not cuddles on a sofa or bed. This could give the dog a higher rank in the pack and he may eventually become aggressive towards you. ‘DON’T COME NEAR MY ALPHA MALE!!!’ Very dangerous!!!

You owe this man and his new partner nothing! He’s just taking the proverbial and it won’t change.