Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is this the end because DH hates our sex life

107 replies

Obviouslyclueless · 16/03/2025 08:19

Not sure if this is the right place to post but I'll give it a go

Dh and I have had a massive argument as he hates our sex life. Says its boring. He could do so much better elsewhere etc and it's all my fault

In all honesty sex isn't the important thing to me. Would rather have a cuddle and fall asleep like that. We do generally do the same things most of the time. He tries to introduce new things (toys, porn etc) all of which I'm not interested in

We have 2 young children, both work full time and have busy lives

He moans if I am wfh and he has finished work before me (works 6-1 most days) and I won't come out of the office space to join him in bed

Moans that during the week we don't get a lot of time to do anything when he's up at 5am and u don't have to be up until 6am

Constantly tells me I'm fat and he coukd do so much better, the kids (9 & 3) have also started making comments about me being fat as well.

Just feeling very lost right now

OP posts:
Disturbia81 · 16/03/2025 20:42

Life is too short OP. This is NOT normal. You deserve so much better

Nowvoyager99 · 16/03/2025 20:48

He’s a revolting sex pest. I am absolutely positive you would be far happier without him.

Just imagine being able to stretch out in bed without it being an invitation for him to jump on you.

Crikeyalmighty · 16/03/2025 21:07

I really don’t understand users posting that ‘well you sound a bit closed minded , not interested in new things etc’. Clearly some have the mindset that you need to put out to keep a bloke and just indulge them regardless of other aspects of the relationship- because I for one wouldn’t want to be in the same room as this sleazy sex obsessed charmless arse - never mind having sex with him

Bigbrommieowner · 16/03/2025 21:16

You clearly can't relax in your own house. Defo tell him to do one.

This won't get easier as once you hit menopause, you won't be able to stand this sort of behaviour and will have no time at all for it.

TENSsion · 16/03/2025 21:21

If you divorce him, one of you will be much, much happier… it won’t be him

toottoot3 · 16/03/2025 21:40

Yuck, let him go, he really is really bad for you. Never have sex with him again, he doesn't want you to feel loved or appreciated.

Pallisers · 16/03/2025 21:51

He is horrible. You'll be so much happier without him.

The next time one of your children tells calls you fat, take it really seriously. Don't be hurt be cross - how DARE you say that to me - what kind of person says that to another person - are you like this in school??? kind of thing.

The next time he calls you fat, walk right up into his face and say "I don't have sex with ugly fuckers who call me fat"

But your marriage is over tbh.

Sadcafe · 16/03/2025 21:59

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to tell your partner that you are bored with your sex life and want to try new things, nor should it be the end of a relationship, being abusive, calling you fat and saying he could do better however is just not acceptable and probably is the start of a downward slope that may be better ended sooner rather than later

Liz1tummypain · 16/03/2025 22:07

Awful man. You can do better Op. I can't really imagine what qualities he could have that can outweigh his meanness. Leave and find yourself a good man.

knephew · 16/03/2025 22:10

What kind of a wife are you? You don’t leave your job in the middle of the day for a shag and you’ve put on weight. Shame on you….

oh….hang on

Endofyear · 16/03/2025 22:32

OP, it's not your sex life that's the problem, it's the fact that your husband is an abusive wanker. Tell him he knows where the door is and he is welcome to leave. Then get yourself some legal advice asap. You need to end this now.

Yerblues · 16/03/2025 22:48

Why are you with this hideous pig?

Ohthatsabitshit · 17/03/2025 08:59

Next time he says he thinks he could do better, say you’ve been thinking you could too, and suggest you separate, divorce and go your own way. Stop having sex with him.

Christwosheds · 17/03/2025 09:03

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 16/03/2025 08:22

I'd say it's the end because he's a horrible human being with zero respect for you and he's damaging your kids and your relationship with them.

This. It isn’t you OP, he’s a deeply unpleasant man.

NameChangedOfc · 17/03/2025 09:20

He is a horrible, mean and pathetic man. He is the reason your marriage is over.

NameChangedOfc · 17/03/2025 09:27

Sashya · 16/03/2025 12:51

@Obviouslyclueless
Money and sex issues are the most common reasons relationships breakdown. So - to answer the question in your OP - yes, it looks like your relationship is in deep trouble.

It is hard to judge any relationship by two posts in MN - and I am sure over the years, yours have undergone a lot of changes. Children also change the couple's dynamics, and often women focus more on the kids and daily grind, and adult relationship with our partners changes (mostly suffers).

Some men seem to take it in their stride, maybe because they are better kind; or they feel powerless; or maybe they simply and quietly meet their needs in some other way. And then there are men like your H - they accumulate resentments, and they come out in arguments, sulking and name calling.

That is though neither here nor there. The situation as it is now is that a fundamental part of your marriage is not working. Porn aside, I'd probably also not enjoy sex if it was always the same, and my partner was "not very interested" and "would rather just had a cuddle".

If the two of you are not willing to work on the relationship - he - in being more respectful and understanding; but you also on figuring out how to get back to a place where you feel better about yourself, and possibly more sensual/sexual - there is really no hope for the the marriage. And you should think about how to start separating your lives.

How much "working on the relationship" can you do with a sex pest who insults you in front of your children?
I really hope you are not a counsellor or a therapist.

Purplecatshopaholic · 17/03/2025 09:40

So he calls you fat and says he can do better? I’d let him go and try… twat. You’ll be happier when your self esteem isn’t through the floor thanks to him op.

morethanspice · 17/03/2025 16:45

My ex told me I was boring and holding him back, he started demanding swinging and other sexual things which were unappealing as a mum of three primary aged children, and not what I signed up for in the marriage. He went on and on about it usually at around two am. Freedom from him was the best possible outcome and looking back I don’t know how even got through it. Please separate from this man.

2catsandhappy · 17/03/2025 21:00

I have found that saying "I can lose weight, you'll always be an arsehole." to be the correct response to certain unasked for opinions.

Oneflightdown · 17/03/2025 21:20

Your job will be a massive help in leaving him. He knows this, and hates it. Protect your job at all costs. As other have said, contact Women's Aid and make a safe plan to leave him. Leaving an abuser is the most dangerous time so don't let onto him that you are planning anything.

cinnamongirl123 · 17/03/2025 21:24

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 16/03/2025 08:22

I'd say it's the end because he's a horrible human being with zero respect for you and he's damaging your kids and your relationship with them.

This. What a sick prick he is, OP. Run for the hills.

DorothyStorm · 17/03/2025 21:24

ChaToilLeam · 16/03/2025 13:57

I’m sorry, OP, he sounds absolutely horrible and the kids are picking up on it too.

This. He is awful.

RobertJohnsonsShoes · 17/03/2025 22:08

I can’t believe you’re married to George Clooney. You should leave and then he can fuck himself. N’est pas?

Please leave. It would be a shame to waste your one shot at life with someone who is rotten on the inside

ChopstickNovice · 17/03/2025 22:22

Wow. What a prince among men. Please ditch him. For you and for your kids.

MsNevermore · 17/03/2025 22:27

This isn’t a sex problem.
This is a dickhead problem 🫠🫠ðŸ«