I say believing him...I really mean, taking his word for it and trying to get past the hurt and nagging doubt.
We've been together for two years but it's been fairly casual. Not intentionally; he wants more and always has but I'm not in the right head space to be getting into a serious relationship.
Around two weeks ago we slept together. We were 'together' at that point but the following week I ended things, over a few things from the past playing on my mind and my doubt that I can give him a 'proper' relationship. This has happened before and we usually get through it. After a few days I realise I still care and can't be without him etc.
Anyway. This time, we had a bit of a row and I said some things that upset him (he's a people pleaser and I called him weak, snapped at him for "going on" about his hayfever when really he was just being chatty but I over reacted).
I then blocked him. Again, done before as it's the only way I can stop myself contacting him and he knows this.
On the Saturday he dropped some flowers outside my door with a note asking to talk, which I ignored.
The following Friday we got talking again. I didn't know what I wanted at this point but he was saying he still felt I'd been the love of his life, wanted to try again, etc.
We carried on talking via text message and then I mentioned something about his social awkwardness (which he admits he suffers with). He then told me that he'd joined an app and started talking to someone to check he isn't as 'weird' as I seem to think he is.
Obviously I knew the someone was a woman, he admitted it was and it transpired that he had joined an app called BeFriend (so not tinder or anything obvious dating app), swiped and matched on a few people and this one matched him back. This was on the Thursday, so the day before we got talking again and five days after he'd left the flowers at my door :/
He told me she had asked to come off the app and onto WhatsApp but swore it was just intended as friends and he was "using her as a science experiment" to practice social skills, conversation and see if this woman flagged him up as weird or not. He said the conversation seemed to be going well so either he was normal or she was being overly nice to him for no reason. I got upset and asked to see the conversations and he did show me.
It looked an easy, comfortable conversation... he started off by making a joke about wanting to say "how you doing?" Like Joey from Friends, she laughed and said he could if he wants to, he said he liked her nose ring and wanted a tattoo himself one day, she thanked him and said it hurt as she's such a baby and "maybe now is your time to get one" meaning a tattoo...his reply was "I saw the word baby and maybe now is your time to get one and thought, hold on love, that's a bit fast 🫣😆", to which her reply was she's in no rush as she already has two. He also asked if she had a partner (he says as he isn't what to tread on anyone's toes) and said he was divorced after two years of separation but didn't mention the year long relationship with me after the separation, which I found weird if he only wants friends. She also sent him photos of her children on WhatsApp and they talked for a couple of hours every evening. When I went to see him on Saturday (after I'd found out about all this) he was still in the middle of a whatsapp chat with her. Anyway I basically told him to block and delete her and come off the app and he did.
He now wants to try again properly, saying she was genuinely just a friends thing and to see if he can still talk to people.
I know we technically weren't together when he 'met' her but it hurts a fair bit and I keep thinking about although he was blocked, clearly I can't mean very much to him if he wasn't thinking about me the whole three days he was messaging her.
He seemed convincing when he was talking about not fancying her, not being interested in a relationship or dating and it was purely friends.
Should I even care, as we technically weren't together at the time?