TW (violence) I know what I need to do but I don’t know how

[lost1212]

So this is my first time posting here and I’m not sure if anyone can see any of my private details so please if you can can someone let me know!

I’ve been with my partner for almost 9 years, we have a son together (just for background). We’ve always bickered it’s just us but the past id say year or 2 things have gone past bickering. We argue all the time about everything and nothing. We had an argument last summer I was sat on the floor cleaning up the toys and I told him I didn’t appreciate how he’d shouted at our son earlier that day he grabbed a vimto bottle off of the table charged at me and rammed it in my eye (cut the side of my eye and gave me a horrendous black eye) I just sat in shock, the next day he swore it would never happen again. A few months later I can’t even remember what had happened but I said something and he emptied his coke can all over me.

A few months passed nothing happened but then early last year I was curling my hair getting ready to go out and my son was acting up a little for him, he got frustrated because I didn’t immediately go and help so he game into the bedroom and as I stood up to get my clothes he threw me down the side of the bed and repeatedly jumped on my legs and stomach and then hit me with I don’t even know what then emptied a big bottle of Evian over me. Again a few months pass not much happens the usual verbal abuse “shh” when I’m speaking, I’m fat, I’m ugly, I’m a bad mum etc etc but then yesterday I was in a bit of a quiet mood it had been a long day I was relaxing on my bed he said he wanted to go to sleep so I got up and went to go have a bath as I left the room he put his arms around my next and like tried lifting me up via my neck essentially trying to choke me? I don’t know what was the goal and then proceeded to grab me by my face again from my behind (cutting my nose and just under my eye).

Then today I told him I’d had enough I didn’t want to live like this anymore and I needed him to leave, he proceeded to run at me and fly kick me again the kitchen sides 6 maybe 7 times, started pelting things at me (cocoa butter, a hair brush, the remote my only saving grace was the thick prick tried to throw a wax burner at me and instead got wax all over his hands so he stopped) I went and cleaned myself up and repeated I didn’t want him here to which he made mocking sounds started shhhsing me everytime I spoke, came over smacked me round the side of my head and ripped up my colouring book (which sounds stupid but it was girl moments and I really loved some of the pictures I’d done in there) and started to say some vile things about my mum which I don’t want to repeat let alone type out.
I’d also like to stress NONE of this my son has ever seen but here lies my issue, I’ve been a stay at home mum we rely on him essentially for everything, when I ask him to leave he uses it against me tells me that he call social services on me and tell them that I can’t provide for my son that I’ll have no food or clothes for my son, as it stands I’ve been asking him for a couple quid to go and get some pads, some deodorant like just the basics just for myself but I get shhhsd. I know he’s never gonna change I know it I’m laying in my sons bed with a lump on my eye and purple marks on the side of my face and I’m scared one day I’m going to snap back at him and end up doing something wild but I’m stuck here I don’t know what I do I know what I need to do but if it turns out how he says then I don’t know what I do.

Im sorry this is so long but I’m lost and I don’t have a soul I can tell any of this too and I don’t want to end up battered and bruised every week I’m tired I’m so f’in tired

I'm really worried for you OP. His violence has escalated. Please call 999 and then dial 5. This signals that you can't speak and the police will come to your location.

I hope you're ok.

My first husband treated me like this. I fled the house with DS. We were taken to a refuge, it's much easier to get rehoused from a refuge and you get all kinds of help. It was the happiest day of my life. You should also get legal aid.

Do you drive ? You can grab your child & walk out the door?
He has stayed home because he knows he has pushed you to your limit.
He won't stop, you cannot keep getting beaten up.
Grabbing you by the neck is strangulation. You are on your last chance.
Do you realize how bad this is ?
Take photos of all your bruises
Please Please leave. You need to go to a refuge Today

Please leave. He will kill you if you don’t.

I am so sorry OP - I have been there, I escaped a literal psychopath. I thought he loved our DC and was just abusing me - they don't really love their children, they're just easier to control when they're small, but when your DS gets older and starts challenging him, your partner will start abusing him too, I promise you. Your DS will then likely end up with a crushed spirit and challenging behaviour.

I was advised to get a non-molestation order against him - I then fled the home to a travel lodge with my DC so that I wasn't at home when he was served. I had to return to court a week later to iron out the details of the non-mol - he was there, snivelling - and the court told him to leave the home. The divorce then went ahead and the house was sold and I moved into a flat with the DC. My solicitor told me I needed to get a job, which I did - and honestly OP, I have never looked back. He doesn't see his DC, they refused.

You can do this - don't alert him to your plans, set up a secret bank account, get all the support and advice you can - go to the police and tell them that he has threatened to lie about you being an inadequate parent etc....they all do it. It's control, to keep you in your place.

Speak to your council's domestic violence department as in report yourselves to social services - it was the best thing I did. They really supported me and the DC.

Big big hugs - you can do this xx

This is not correct. Its 55 but the police won’t automatically know your location unless you ring on a landline. It’s takes time to find out the subscriber details of a mobile and if it is pay as you go unregistered then all the police will be able to see is a general area.

Call his bluff & call the police. Get his ass thrown in jail. Him telling ss you are a bad mother etc are EMPTY threats. Everyone will see through his lies.

Abusers do this when they know theyve gone too far so you cannotcput steps jn place, bet he's been good as gold, like butter wouldn't melt ey?

Please don't go home, please leave football and go straight to the police. Far more likely the new snapping is him killing you and whilst you say he would never hurt your son, I'm sure there was a time you never thought he would hurt you. The abuse is horrific and escalating and now you have made it clear you want him out, is only likely to get worse.

Please, for the sake of your son if not yourself, don't go home get in the car and drive straight to your nearest police station.

You've done the right thing by posting here, taking steps to your freedom.
Don't let the thought of yourself being financially dependent on him alter your thinking in a negative way of the outcome.
Women are far more likely to be a victim of DV than men in a relationship, this is a fact.
The police are trained on this. You need to report it to the police. They will come out to the house, question him. He can lie all he wants. He will probably say you fell or you hit him, yet he doesn't have any marks yet you do, and the falling story won't be credible against your injures. They will see through all of this and they know this.
You will be moved into safe accommodation with your Son.
Stop thinking he is a good dad, he isn't, he is a monster and an abuser. Too many people see the signs, but leave it too late.

Brilliant dads don't hurt people

Please report this latest assault to the police who will likely remove him even if it’s for a short time. Then you can act by getting a court order. Take photographs of your injuries.

This page may help:
https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/gender-violence/domestic-violence-and-abuse/

He is a very dangerous man OP and one day he’s going to very seriously injure or kill you. He won’t change. This will get worse. Financial considerations can be dealt with one step at time. Sounds like he’s been abusing you financially too.

Have you got somewhere safe to go where you can call the police from? If so, that might be safer for you. As a precaution take all important documents with you. Passport, other ID, rental/mortgage details, certificates, etc etc.

I’m so sorry he’s like this.
💐

Domestic abuse to partner with son in the house is classed as child abuse op, he will hear it and see after effects. They know.

This is so worrying. You must tell your mum and sister and you must leave asap before he kills you. And don't give him any clues that you're leaving. At this point, the financial stuff doesn't matter. Just focus on going to the police and getting away from him...the practical stuff will fall into place.

Obviously I agree with what all the Pp's have said, but I just wanted to add something as the mother of a daughter who's probably around your age. You said that you love your little man more than anything in the world, well that's how your mum will feel about you. You might be all grown up, but in her mind you're still her little girl and she'd do anything to help you.

Please please tell her. Even if she's ill, even if you think she's got too much on, I promise you she'll want to know to protect you and support you. Don't hide away. You've done nothing wrong, and you must tell her and your sister. If you manage to achieve nothing else today, send a text to your sister or something and get it out into the open.

They love you just as you love your son. For his sake and your own be brave and say the words to someone. You can do it, I promise you you can.

I thought this thread had been deleted? Regardless, my advice is the same.

Sorry I've just seen this! Please make sure he's not got a tracker or has paired your phones so that he can see what you're doing. It's weird he randomly took a day off.

It was for a username change

@Theuniversalshere1 Yes! Thank you, I realised after I'd posted.

Wishing you all the strength in the world to escape this vile man. He is absolutely not a good Dad. He's a despicable one.

Be very careful with how you leave. Get assistance, don't try to leave without help as it can be dangerous. He will not be able to take away your child.

I left my abuser 8 years ago. It was hard, so so hard, but it was truly the best decision I have ever made. There is a much happier life for you amd your child after all this.

Hope you are ok OP. This is a safe space. Thinking of you.

The abuse is escalating and in my experience will only get worse. you Need to get the hell out of there call the police report him if you’re too scared to do that at least photograph your injuries keep a list of everything he does somewhere safe where he can’t find it
you only have a six month window to report domestic violence. Do something about it please please please you don’t deserve it.

You are in danger. He's abusing you and that abuse is escalating. Unfortunately, strangulation is biggest predictor of homicide later on by that partner. You son loves his dad but at this rate he will not have a mum or a dad. You'll end up dead and he'll end up in prison.

You need proper advice because men like this are really dangerous when you are leaving. You need to plan and exit safely. There's a lot of support out their if you are fleaing DV. Don't worry about SS they have seen it all before. They will know he's lying.

Staying alive has to be your priority.

Once you’ve taken all the steps and you’re out, you won’t look back. I’m just out of an abusive relationship not as physical as yours mostly mental but now I’m out and he is gone I don’t know why I didn’t do it sooner. Abusers have good days and bad and you live for the good ones. I’d say it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Can’t recommend therapy highly enough. Been so useful to digest everything that happened, why and how and to start to value myself and love myself again. This is the start of a very long road, it won’t be easy but nothing good comes easy x

my inbox is always open if you want a private chat xx

Reading your OP made me teary... please get to safety. I'm sure everyone here has given you the best advice possible so I won't repeat but you deserve more.