How to find more friends in 50’s

[Fridayfeeling77]

Long story but I would like more friends and to have more social options than I currently have. Especially at this point in the year and I can’t see much changing.

I have joined a couple of classes interest groups but one is a small gym class (where we chat occasionally and are pleasant and friendly but thats it) and the other two everyone seems quite a lot older than me and again whilst we all get on well in the class/activity we don’t socialise after or any other occasions.

I have lost touch with almost all of my old friends over a period of time and I occasionally meet old work friends for coffee from time to time but thats about it (but most already have well established full social lives with long term friends).

I once went on a course and I think I came out as being a personality type introverted/extravert so whilst I enjoy being social and sociable in small bursts I also like and need to recharge my social battery by being quiet and doing very little.

Any top tips to broaden my horizons and social circle please?

When I was younger I was often the one who would often say to people do you fancy doing this or that but I kind of got out of the way of it and lost my confidence for doing this after meeting DH and having DC late in life. On the few occasions I have tried recently either I get little to no response or people agree and then decide not to bother but they don’t cancel I only find out when I follow it up.

I think I will start by texting some old friends whose numbers I still have to touch base and see how they are.

Not sure what I will do after that.

My neighbours are a strange bunch I am nice to them all but none are potential friends.

Have you looked into U3A classes? They often socialise for birthdays in the group and Christmas meals.

Thank you not yet I am still working part time but thinking about it for when I retire.

It is a struggle. I like to plan to do things but I'm not good at ad-hoc. As a later in life Mum too, as people I knew before are now at a different life stage, they don't understand I need to know way in advance so naturally, they stop asking (which I understand).

Do you mind me asking your age and child's age? Do you work?

Find a WI 😊 I see people from my group at least twice a month for organised things, often more for ad hoc things. Try a few in your area as they are all very different.

I am older than you by the sounds of late 50’s and still working part time. My DC are no longer dependent on me as both off at Uni. But when they were little we had no family support and when I was less available things totally petered off. I seemed to have enough on just before Christmas but now a big lull and I really want a few nice things to look forward to socially in the coming months (both with DH and with some friends).

My (birth) family are totally anti social and aren’t interested in anything either (so I have given up pushing and trying to initiate anything on that front).

I second the WI - they are a great way to meet lots of new friends.

What sort of things do you or they do? Someone I used to work with and didn’t particularly like was big into one WI round here which totally knocked me off. Could you go on your own or is everyone already in cliques?

What sort of things do you do and could you go on your own?

Join a choir, they tend to be very social and a good mix of ages. Spread your net wide and ask lots of people for coffee etc but have low expectations. You only need a few people to 'stick'.

What kind of person are you? What kind of people do you like to be around? Where are you likely to find those kinds of people?

Definitely, I'm so glad I joined

I went on my own. They had quizzes, guest speakers, workshops in music, dance, genealogy. Craft activities, bring and share meals, outings to gardens and exhibitions… basically anything the members were interested in and felt like arranging.

Each WI has its own “flavour” so you might want to try a few before settling on one that suits you. They were all very welcoming.

When I first started WI, I used to go on my own (as I didn't know any of the members). But everyone was very welcoming. Give it a try!

As someone said earlier, cast your net wide and have low expectations, you only need a few people to have coffee with etc and you'll probably feel a lot better

I agree with U3A for the variety of activities. Depends where you live but you could join more than one, each area will have different activities and different days and times to suit everyone.

Walking group

Bowls club

Bridge / mah jong

Library book club

Volunteer somewhere that interests you, ie a nearby national trust house.

There's a lot more people in your position than you would imagine. It's bloody hard to make new meaningful friends.

I was following your other thread as well.

Try the MeetUp app for groups in your area. Most friends that I have in my area came from MeetUp groups.

It still takes time, years sometimes, to go from 'mates to do social things with' to actual friendships, but at least there is company in the meantime.

I tried WI once at 51, but everyone was 70+. Lovely people but at a different stage in life, sounds like it might vary a lot though.

I am in a similar boat, OP! I'm no longer working (58) and DH retired last year, but I want to have my own group of friends too, not just do stuff with him!

I feel it's a bit of a strange age, as may people are still working and too busy to meet up/ organise things, but the WI/U3A seems to be mostly people 10-15 years older than me. I don't mind having older friends, and I have met some through a music group and a writing/book group, but they tend to be at a different life stage and often have to cancel me for grandparent duties for example!

I invited my book group to come to an evening author event and a couple of them said yes they'd like to, but would check the date and come back to me. They never responded so I decided not to bother. I'd previously organised a trip to a local theatre event for four of us, then on the day itself all the other three dropped out for what seemed like dubious reasons.
It's hard work!

What’s your highest academic qualification, @Fridayfeeling77? What’s your preferred sport? Because I’d suggest that rather than generic ‘friends’ what you really need is to engage in a shared endeavour with like minded people.

Is there something really intellectually or physically challenging that you’ve always vaguely dreamed of doing? A Master’s / PhD / climbing a mountain, sailing to wherever?

Doing something significant with others is the very best way to form satisfyingly deep connections.

(I’m speaking as someone who studied for an MA in a completely new subject in my 50s.)

I am chatty and caring. I also like to let my hair down and to have a laugh over a few drinks.

I always thought the WI was for much older ladies who enjoyed homemaking/keeping house whereas I tend to let things slide unless we are having visitors.

I have fairly recently joined a gym which I really enjoy to try and loose weight and tone up (after years of putting myself last) and also joined another two classes one is every week the other is on every week but I usually go every other week as I need to spend some time catching up on housework.

My WI has members who self identify as women so just be mindful of that if you are not comfortable with it.

Im in the same boat and sometimes I know it’s down to my introverted tendencies, but I do think people are less open to new friendships at our age. There’s a local coffee morning I go to and whilst people will chat, theres no feeling that anyone would take anything further.Im working up to feeling brave enough to ask someone to go for a drink but I haven’t clicked with anyone yet. Its like dating all over again!

Highest qualification is a BA (not really interested in studying right now) I am also not massively sporty I just want to get into shape, loose some weight and then hang onto my mobility for as long as poss. I enjoy a nice flat walk chatting and with nice scenery rather than anything too steep and strenuous. I will have a think.

I'm 58. I have different friendship groups. A few related to different workplaces and we've stayed in touch.
A few school mums I stay in touch with.
Another few from years ago at school.
A couple that live abroad.

Have you struggled to make friends at work? Have you tried' Anyone fancy going for a drink next week'? Or do you tend to wait for others to organise things?

What sort of community do you live in? Does it have a FB group that you could scan for things you might like to try? Ours has fairly regular posts about open sessions or needing helpers or whatever.

I’m mid -50s and still working ft-ish, but self-employed so have flexibility. I’m in a city.

I wouldn’t go to a WI, but things I do do that include people of all ages and have a social side to them include a choir and a Pilates/yoga class.

People at those who are retired (and it’s very much all ages) also volunteer locally and/or do other day time classes and courses. Some people are fairly active in groups that are organised around a purpose (eg community orchard/environmental campaigns/humanist societies/theatre groups).

What are your work colleagues like?

I know you said you would text some old friends, which sounds like a good idea and I hope they respond, but don’t be disappointed if they don’t or have very little interest in meeting or staying in touch. Speaking from experience, it’s very often the case once you’ve lost contact

I don’t have a lot of close friends, but the friends I do have have huge circles of friends from their hobbies - walking, golf, community projects, etc