How to find more friends in 50’s

[Fridayfeeling77]

Long story but I would like more friends and to have more social options than I currently have. Especially at this point in the year and I can’t see much changing.

I have joined a couple of classes interest groups but one is a small gym class (where we chat occasionally and are pleasant and friendly but thats it) and the other two everyone seems quite a lot older than me and again whilst we all get on well in the class/activity we don’t socialise after or any other occasions.

I have lost touch with almost all of my old friends over a period of time and I occasionally meet old work friends for coffee from time to time but thats about it (but most already have well established full social lives with long term friends).

I once went on a course and I think I came out as being a personality type introverted/extravert so whilst I enjoy being social and sociable in small bursts I also like and need to recharge my social battery by being quiet and doing very little.

Any top tips to broaden my horizons and social circle please?

When I was younger I was often the one who would often say to people do you fancy doing this or that but I kind of got out of the way of it and lost my confidence for doing this after meeting DH and having DC late in life. On the few occasions I have tried recently either I get little to no response or people agree and then decide not to bother but they don’t cancel I only find out when I follow it up.

Yes, I'd try a different one.

A few of my friends have joined the Ramblers and really enjoy it. They go for days out and the walks are at different levels. Might that be worth doing? They've all made new friends that way. Your husband could go as well, if you wanted him to, but a lot of people go on their own.

OP will take ideas from this thread, and so will others reading this who are in a similar situation.

Agree @crockofshite . OP is perfectly entitled to say if she doesn’t like some of the suggestions. When I’ve raised threads like this in the past I can guarantee if I say for example “ I hate going for walks” there’ll be several posters who suggest joining a walking group!

Sounds like a walking group would suit you. Have a look at some local Facebook pages/meet up groups - I only live in a small town and there's several walking groups locally, all different levels of fitness. Once you get going you might find you gravitate towards certain people and you can arrange your own extra walks separately from the group if you wish.

Have a search for "walking for health" in your area and something should come up.

I'm 40's. Can you make up a group on FB where people can join with similar interests?

I have a social group where we all have one thing in common, one being a single parent along with another particular cause. It does often involve me doing the asking, I find. Other than that I keep in touch with a couple of friends I met through work and a couple through other situations. Other than one or two, it's me who often needs to make any arrangements to meet up

I'm the same about neighbours. Most of mine are a good 20 plus years older, nothing wrong with that as I already have older friends. They are all in couples though and I'm not. The WI, walking groups and U3A where I am are mostly elderly people, nothing wrong in that again, but I'm at a different life stage.

I think that's a fair point, actually. This also comes up a lot on threads by people who say they lack friends, or would like to make some -- the generic 'low maintenance friend' an OP wants to conjure into existence just to fill a friend-shaped slot, and who appears to have no characteristics other than having a pulse, being 'low-maintenance' and available when the OP wants. See also 'I want a girl group like you see on TV.'

I'm not saying this to be unpleasant, OP, but people are individuals. What do you bring to a friendship, and what do you actually want from an individual who might be seeking your friendship? And the level of engagement you mention is going to involve time and investment and trial and error from you before you're anywhere near the stage of going out for dinner or celebrating a birthday with. There will also be people who are up for those things, but whom you just don't particularly like, or whose tastes in music and films mean you're never going to gel on those activities.

Have a look for a parkrun near you. Register on the website and then turn up, you absolutely don't have to run you can just walk the course. Get a feel for it and then try volunteering i found quite a few new friends in 'middle age' through Parkrun

Thats a bit harsh obv they would need a pulse and be chatty and good fun and would have their own personality and interests.
Without necessarily wanting to climb mount Everest, trek the Himalayas, run a Marathon, want to be on Mastermind, want to be on sewing bee, bake off etc etc. Nothing wrong with any of that list just I’m not necessarily looking for any of those overly ambitious and competitive qualities in a prospective friend.

Where are you based OP?

Lancashire.

Oh well we can never be friends.. Im in Yorkshire! 😂

Depends on your local area - city or village needs a different approach.

Townswomen's Guild? each one is different so you might need to try a couple of different guilds in your area to find one you 'fit' with.
https://www.the-tg.com/

Volunteer for a local group (eg. I volunteer at a local community-run music venue where I've met new people with a shared interest)

Look in your local library - do they have groups? Lectures? Research group?

Village hall / community centre - often have variety of groups, societies and clubs meet there.

U3A - good reports from family member who joined after bereavement 7 years ago, made new friends and still a member

@Fridayfeeling77 you sound exactly like me - it's not easy - I do have some lovely friends I met years ago but they are 20 years younger than me and now have young family obligations-2 also have moved away . My H also doesn't really have local friends , he works for himself and isn't sporty although we both know a lot of people who I would say are friends through our business- they aren't local