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Original poster

Partner just confessed to seeing sex workers

93 replies

Issorryreallythehardestword · 02/03/2025 19:53

Just that, really. I went away for the weekend with friends and he just confessed he'd seen two sex workers while I was away. Plus one two years ago as well. I believe him that that's all. I have no idea what to think. He says he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life together with me, and I believe that he he thinks that as well. He has a history of alcohol and drug abuse but is otherwise an excellent person. I don't know what to think and am in shock.

OP posts:
Gloriia · 02/03/2025 20:06

paradisecityx · 02/03/2025 20:02

Also, very odd thing to confess to. I mean it's good he's been honest, but, I can't help but wonder why he's just come out with all of it?!

There'll be a reason. Someone else knows, he's scared he was going to get rumbled so he's heading it off with apologies.

Sorry op, I don't mean to sound unsupportive but please get out now before kids and or marriage complicate things. He won't change, his booze and drugs compulsions show exactly the sort of peeson he is and now sex workers to add to it. He just needs to do some gambling and it'll be a full house of red flags.

TwistedWonder · 02/03/2025 20:06

sprigatito · 02/03/2025 20:03

He isn't "seeing" sex workers, he is using them. He sees women's bodies as a consumable and he doesn't have much more respect for you - and your sexual health - than he does for the women he uses.

He is a disgusting, pathetic misogynist. I wouldn't be able to look at him, never mind stay married to him.🤢🤢🤢🤮

I was just going to post but you’ve said everything I wanted to.

A man with drink and drug issues who thinks women are commodities to be paid for isn’t a great bloke he’s a disgusting sleazy misogynistic scum bag and I couldn’t be in same postcode let alone share a bed. Repulsive 🤢

MounjaroOnMyMind · 02/03/2025 20:07

So you went away for the weekend and he got absolutely off his head and had sex with two other women? Fuck, he's really awful. You'd never be able to trust him again. Personally, the drink and drugs would be enough for me to dump him, but this takes him to another level altogether.

Jk987 · 02/03/2025 20:09

If he's excellent, what is poor?

JamesWebbSpaceTelescope · 02/03/2025 20:11

He could be telling you because he wants to test your boundaries. He thinks you will forgive him. Which to his mind will be a green light to keep going.

fromthevault · 02/03/2025 20:11

Good grief. What an absolutely repulsive cunt he is.

Get out now, don't look back, and thank your lucky stars this all came out before marriage and/or kids.

redphonecase · 02/03/2025 20:12

You need to leave, if you have any self-respect. Be glad there are no kids. What a creep.

BodyKeepingScore · 02/03/2025 20:16

A man who abuses drugs and alcohol, but more than that, treats women's bodies as a commodity that can be bought and sold is not "an excellent person". In fact, it's pretty much the poster child for being a terrible person. Leave him.

MinnieCauldwell · 02/03/2025 20:17

How repulsive, sorry op but you will need to have a check up. He really paid to use a prostituted womens body, hate the term sex worker, make it sound almost twee...

MummytoE · 02/03/2025 20:18

Leave him

Chunkilumptious · 02/03/2025 20:20

I understand the cognitive dissonance if he's usually nice but this is not the behaviour of a good man. Take your time to process it but it is was planned and deliberate, knowing you would be hurt. I think staying will be ready as condoning this behaviour

Nanny1983 · 02/03/2025 20:22

Gloriia · 02/03/2025 19:56

History of drug and alcohol abuse and uses sex workers yet he's an excellent peeson? He really isn't. Raise the bar!

THIS !
Yeah apart from the fact he cheats on you and pays for it ..

if that’s a good person in eyes what’s a bad one ?

You really can do better ! If you let him get away with this now he will keep continuing . He’s telling you to see where your boundaries lie ..

Crazybaby123 · 02/03/2025 20:24

Relationship ended. How can you be with someone that if you go away for one night runs off to see a prostitute. That's absolutely mindblowing that he has done that. At least he admitted it to you, he at least respects you enough to tell you rather than deny it and carry on. No doubt he is expecting you to leave. He will probably use this all as an excuse to drink and drugs. It is him, carrying out self destructing behaviour to excuse in his mind what he does. It is a vicious cycle. You can't fix him and never will. Get out before he drags you down and down and toh don't know what is normal anymore. I went out with an alcoholic in my early 20s and it was the biggest waste of my life trying to fix him. Don't even try.

Tiegs · 02/03/2025 20:25

You was gone a weekend and he couldn't help him self how disgusting

Starlight7080 · 02/03/2025 20:25

That would be definitely the end of the relationship for me.
You can't believe a word he has said. Especially about the number of times.
But really does it matter how many times ? One was to much .
No partner who truly loved and respected you would do that .

RedHelenB · 02/03/2025 20:28

Issorryreallythehardestword · 02/03/2025 19:55

Just to add, we've been together for four years, and own a house and dog together.

I'd give him the money to pay for them next time you go away, thrn you won't have to wonder
Or you could have a modicum of self respect and dump him, sell the house and decide which one of you is best placed to have the dog.

handsdownthebest · 02/03/2025 20:32

Wow what a catch…get out of there quick 🤮

feelingfree17 · 02/03/2025 20:39

I guess we must all have different ideas on what an “excellent person” might look like
He most certainly isn’t in my book!
Just what else is it going to take to make you realise this and get rid?

EnjoythemoneyJane · 02/03/2025 20:39

You really need to reframe your idea of what constitutes an excellent person, OP.

Flinderskleepers · 02/03/2025 20:40

I can bet my bottom dollar that it won't have just been hand jobs

0ctavia · 02/03/2025 20:40

sprigatito · 02/03/2025 20:03

He isn't "seeing" sex workers, he is using them. He sees women's bodies as a consumable and he doesn't have much more respect for you - and your sexual health - than he does for the women he uses.

He is a disgusting, pathetic misogynist. I wouldn't be able to look at him, never mind stay married to him.🤢🤢🤢🤮

This.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 02/03/2025 20:41

Dump the man, sell the house and keep the dog.

Your boundaries, perhaps already skewed by previous abuse and poor life experiences, are being further eroded by this man. How did you ever think he was an otherwise excellent person?. Get therapy for yourself to determine exactly why you got with this man in the first place.

northwestgirl · 02/03/2025 20:42

JamesWebbSpaceTelescope · 02/03/2025 20:11

He could be telling you because he wants to test your boundaries. He thinks you will forgive him. Which to his mind will be a green light to keep going.

this also

RaveToTheGrave1 · 02/03/2025 20:47

Not that excellent or he wouldn't have done it, if the penis goes into someone else it's an absolute no thank you jog on.

bertiebump · 02/03/2025 20:47

Man here, it's not all bad, at least you've still got the dog.
If i took drugs, abused alcohol OR paid for sex.... never mind all 3, I'd expect to be single. He doesn't sound like an upstanding member of the community. Does he go to church?